


INVADER QUINN - SEASON 01

by Anguirus1955



Series: INVADER QUINN [1]
Category: Daria (Cartoon), Invader Zim
Genre: AU Versions of Characters, Crossover, Daria & Invader Zim Crossover, Gen, Other, daria - Freeform, invader zim - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 68,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anguirus1955/pseuds/Anguirus1955
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Irken "Invader" Quinn is sent to Earth by the Almighty Tallest as part of Operation Impending Doom II, a young human girl named Stacey Morgendorffer may just be all that stands between Earth and its destruction at the hands of Quinn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning Of Doom!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn is sent to Earth by the Tallest, only to be confronted by Stacey Morgendorffer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this series takes place in the far future, it will use the International Fixed Calendar, to make things easy in terms of dates and stuff.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV.

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom.

* * *

Episode 1-001: The Doomy Beginning of Doom! 

* * *

Inside the cockpit of a small, purple ship, spherical in shape with four little engines or nasals attached to each corner, a set of fuscha eyes looked over a small screen with instructions. A green hand covered by black gloves moved forward and pressed a button on the control console.

The fuscha eyes narrowed as they looked out at the series of large vessels docked at the space elevator ring surrounding the planet Conventia.

* * *

" _Welcome, brave Irken soldiers! Welcome to Conventia! The convention hall planet. Here is where the Great Assigning will be held by your leaders!_ " announced an Irken on a large series of screens floating in the air as thousands of Irkens made their way to the main convention center where the Assigning was being held.

" _Please, proceed to the docking ring, and take our complementary teleporters to the planet's surface._ " As more Irkens were beamed to surface by the teleporters, the announcer continued. " _Be sure to visit the gift shops for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff!_ "

* * *

Inside the main convention hall, two tall Irkens, Almighty Tallest Red and Purple, looked around as the skiff they were on was about to detach itself from the rest of the room above the main hall. They smiled with glee.

"Finally... after so many years, we're ready to begin again," Red said. "Yeah, and with You-Know-Who being banished to Foodcourtia, nothing can screw this up! Unless the supply ship doesn't have enough nachos, of course," Purple said.

* * *

As thousands of Irkens made their way into the main hall, the announcer began speaking once more. " _Now, wiggle your antennae in salute of your all knowing, all powerful leaders: The_ _ **Almightyyyy Tallest!**_ "

Lasers began shooting into the air as a small circular platform descended from the ceiling and made its way down to the main stage area. "Ah, look at em all," Red said. "See, I told you they'd like the lasers," he said with a grin to Purple. "What is it with you and lasers? I'm telling you, smoke machines are what the people really waiieeohhada!" Purple cried as a laser hit him in the eye. Red smirked at his misfortune and kept waving at the crowd.

After the platform landed on the stage, where a few dozen Irken soldiers were lined up, Red glanced around at the crowd again. "Welcome, Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training that the Irken Army has to offer! Good for you."

At this time, Purple had finally recovered. "My eye," he muttered as he rubbed it. "Standing behind us, however, are soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in **Operation Impending Doom Two!** " A holographic map of the galaxy appeared behind them.

"You in the audience, however, will only get to sit and watch," Red said smugly. "You should have tried harder!" Purple shouted at the audience. Red turned to gesture at the soldiers behind them. "These superior ones-" "Not quite as superior as us, of course!" Purple said. "Duh! Anyway, these less superior than us but still quite superior soldiers will each be assigned to an enemy _plaanneeet!"_ Red cried out heartily.

* * *

"I'm late! I'm late!" cried a medium-sized Irken as she ran through the throngs of people waiting outside of the convention hall.

* * *

"There," Purple said, "You will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants!" "All while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses, making it vulnerable to our big... space ship... uh, _gang!_ " Red said. "The Armada?" Purple said with a smirk. Red frowned at being shown up, but otherwise said and did nothing.

"Now, let the assigning begin!" Purple cried. The crowd was silent, save for one Irken who went, "Woo!" Purple frowned before pointing down at an Irken standing in line. "Step forward, Invader Lardd," he said.

Lardd stepped forward quietly. "I see that you have grown since last we saw you," Red said to the smaller Irken. Lardd nodded his head and made his way up to the platform. "You have been assigned to Blorch, home of the Slaughtering Rat People!" Purple said with a smile as he showed everyone an image of Lardd being menaced several hideous rat monsters.

"Why-why would you draw that?" Lardd asked. "However, since you have increased your height lately, you will instead be assigned to planet Vort, home the universe's most comfortable couch," Red said. An image of Lardd sleeping on a large couch was then shown.

"Yes!" Lardd said with a grin and fist-pumps. "Next up, Invader Skoodge!" Purple announced as Lardd walked away. Red and Purple looked down a the squat Irken before them. "Oh, now that's just sad," Red said. "Could you **get** any _shorter!?_ " Purple asked him. "You will be assigned to Blorch, home of the Slaughtering Rat People," Red said dismissively. Skoodge began to shudder and cry at the image of him being menaced by the rat monsters was shown on the screen.

* * *

"Move it, move it! Out of my way, out of my way!" cried a high-pitched voice as a particular Irken pushed her way through the crowd.

* * *

"Next, Invader Spleen!" Purple called. An Irken with an enormous forehead stepped forward. "Ooh!" Red and Purple said with surprise.

* * *

After Invader Tenn walked away, Red and Purple began waving to the crowd. "Thank you, thank you all for coming!" Purple said with a smile. "Help yourselves to some nachos, and we'll see some of you at the equipping station." "Yes," Purple added. "Gorge yourselves... you mooches!" Red was preparing to maneuver a remote laser at Purple's face when he heard a voice in the crowd that shook him to his candy-filled core. "Wait, wait! Wait for me!" cried out a familiar, high-pitched female voice.

"That voice!" Purple said in horror. "It... it _can't be!_ " Red said as they watched a small Irken, taller than Lardd or Spleen, but still shorter than them, climb onto the stage. "No..." Red said as the Irken lifted her head with a wicked smile. "Quinn!" Red and Purple exclaimed. "I'm sorry I'm late, My Tallest!" Quinn said with a salute.

"Q-Quinn!? What are you **doing here!?** " Red asked angrily. "I couldn't find my invitation. You're lucky I made it at all," Quinn said quite haughtily. "You weren't _invited_ at all," Red said. "Yeah, weren't you banished to Foodcourtia?" Purple asked. "Shouldn't you be... frying something?"

"Oh, I quit when I found out about this," Quinn said with a smile. "You... you _quit_ being **banished!?** How does that even work? How do you-" "Never mind that," Red said with a wave of his hand. "Look, the point is, Quinn, the Assigning is over," Red said to the smaller Irken standing in front of them.

"But, you can't have an invasion without me! I was part of Impending Doom One, remember?" Quinn asked them in protest. "Oh yes," Purple said with a frown, "We _remember_..."

* * *

**Many Years Earlier On The Irken Home World...**

Red and Purple watched with bile fascination as the Cylco-mech commanded by Quinn rampaged throughout the military base, destroying everything in its path.  
Inside the control center of the gigantic machine, Quinn ordered her subordinates to continue operating the mechanical beast, despite their protests. "But, Sir! We're still on our home planet!" one of them cried out. "Silence!" Quinn shouted. "You! Twist those knobs! And you, pull some levers! Pull some levers! Ahahaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

The machine continued moving forward, destroying everything in its path. Red, in a moment of hindsight, looked back at all of the incident reports that had been associated with Quinn over the years, including the deaths of Tallest Myuki and Tallest Hazorth at the hands of her uncontrollable experiments, as well as the shut-down of a key power grid on Devastus. After that moment of reflection, it occurred to him that allowing Quinn to come even close to military hardware such as that machine probably wasn't the smartest of ideas.

* * *

**Back on Conventia, In The Present...**

"Well, I did put the fires out, didn't I?" Quinn said sheepishly. "You made them **worse!** " Red replied angrily. "Worse... or... _better?_ " Quinn asked in reply with a smile. "Look, Quinn, go back to Food-Courtia. If you leave now, maybe we'll forgive this little incident, and we might even give you a small bag of snacks, since you _clearly_ do wish to serve the Empire to your greatest ability. And, you can do that by **staying away** from _all_ military operations," Red said. "But... but, invader's blood marches through my veins like... giant... radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!" Quinn pleaded.

"What? We offered you some snacks. Isn't that enough?" Purple asked. "Please, my Tallest! All I ask is a chance to prove myself as an invader. Gimme!" Quinn asked with a smile. Red sighed and turned to Purple. The two of them moved a few feet away from Quinn and turned around, whispering to each other.

Purple listened as Red explained his plan. He occasionally glanced back at Quinn over his shoulders before returning his attention to Red. "Will it work?" Purple asked after Red finished. "It's the best option. _He_ hasn't contacted us since then and neither has whatever-her-name-was, so whether it exists or not doesn't matter, as long as she's far away from us," Red said. "Okay," Purple said, "Let's do it."

"Having had a chance to think about your service in the past and your eagerness, we can see that you are _truly_ deserving," Red said after had and Purple turned around. "Yes. Yes, I am," Quinn said confidently.

"You shall be sent to a planet so mysterious, that no one's even heard of it, except in rumors," Red said with a smirk. "Right!" Purple added. "And those who've heard of it, dare not speak its name." "What's its name?" Quinn asked. "Oh, we dare not speak it," Purple replied. "I see... a secret mission," Quinn said deviously.

"Happy now?" Red asked. " _Yes_ ," Quinn replied wickedly. "Okay. Invaders, report to the equipping hall. Oh and, uh, _lasers_ ," Red said with a grin. A laser shot out at Purple's eye, causing him to scream as he fell back in pain. Red chuckled lightly.

"The universe will be ours for the taking!" Red shouted. "It's only a matter of time before all the races of the universe serve the Irken Empire!" "I'll have them serve me curly fries," Purple said as he recovered.

* * *

**Meanwhile, On The Mysterious Planet, Otherwise Known To Its Inhabitants As Earth...**

" _Curly fries... curly fries..._ " Stacey Morgendorffer gasped as she put down her headphones. They were attached to her laptop, which had a small, portable, heavy-duty satellite dish plugged into it. Stacey looked up at the night sky. "They're coming," she said fearfully.

Meanwhile, inside the house, Daria Morgendorffer opened the fridge door to grab a soda, only to find the pack of Ultra Cola to be gone. "Stacey drank the last soda, didn't she? I knew I should have bought another one," she muttered under her breath. She heard a thump from upstairs before the sound of feet on the steps entered her ears as Stacey tripped at the bottom of the final step, emitting a yelp.

Stacey quickly recovered and entered the kitchen. "They're coming!" Stacey exclaimed. "Mom, Dad, they're coming! I heard them! I actually heard them! I heard this transmission up on the roof and-" "Shh-shh! Not now, Honey," Professor Jake Morgendorffer said as he messed with something on the counter. "I'm making... _**TOAST!**_ " "You know that toast already exists, right?" Helen Morgendorffer asked from her spot near the kitchen bar counter.

"Stacey," Helen said, "I hope you have everything else packed and ready for the move next week," Helen said. "I do! I just... I just wanted to use a few more things before I got them all put away," Stacey said defensively. "Alright, just make sure that it's labeled properly when the moving guys get here," Helen said.

Stacey then ran over to Daria. "Daria, they're coming! They really are!" she cried. Daria sighed. " _Who's_ coming, Stacey?" Daria asked her in an annoyed tone. "I _don't know_..." Stacey admitted.

* * *

**Back on Conventia...**

"This is your standard issue Information retrieval unit, otherwise known as a SIR," Purple explained as he held up a small robot. "It will assist you in gathering invaluable data during your mission," Purple said. "It's also a thermos," Red said. "Who wants this one!?" he asked. "I do!" exclaimed Invader Dalk. Purple threw the SIR at him, knocking the Irken on his back. "Thank you," Dalk cried painfully.

"All right, everyone line up and get a robot!" Red said. The invaders lined themselves up, and the SIR units came to life one at a time, their eyes and other markings glowing red. "SIR, go warm up my ship," Skoodge said. "Yes, Master! I obey!" the SIR said as it ran off. When it came time for Quinn to receive _her_ SIR unit, Red halted the line.

"We have a... top secret model for you, Quinn," Red said as he motioned for a garbage can to rise from its spot under the floor. A tall cylinder emerged from a hole in the floor and rose up to Red's chest level. He and Purple dug through the trash and pulled out an older SIR model, one that had been deactivated and had different components than the newer models.

Unlike the newer models, it had no cover guard to go over its mouth, but Red and Purple didn't really care about that. After dropping some paper clips, bubble gum, and some coins into the robot's head, they closed it and turned to face Quinn, holding the robot behind Red's back. "Wooooo!" Red sang before he threw the robot to the ground in front of Quinn.

It lay motionless on the floor. "It looks kind of... not good," Quinn said as she scratched her chin. "Yes, well... that's what the enemy will think!" Purple said hastily. The robot had dull green/blue marking and lights on it. "I see! Very clever; it even fooled me!" Quinn said.

"I am _honored_ to be trusted with such advanced technology!" Quinn announced, oblivious to Red and Purple's snickering. Just then, to everyone's surprise, the dull spots on the robot lit up, along with its eyes, which shone bright red. The little robot leapt to its feet and marched over to Quinn.

"GIR, reporting for duty!" it said with a salute. "GIR?" Quinn asked. "What does the 'G' stand for?" At that instant, GIR's demeanor changed. Its eyes changed from red to blue/green, and its vocal pitch changed as well. "I _don't_ know!" it said. Quinn raised an eyebrow. Then, the robot began hitting itself in the head with its fists, squealing with joy. "Wee-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wee-hoo-hoo-hoo!" it cried joyously.

"Um... is it supposed to be... _stupid?_ " Quinn asked the Tallests. "It's not stupid, it's _advanced!_ " Purple replied. The other Irkens all snickered as they watched Quinn buy Purple's obvious lie without any question, although a few of them did pity the female invader, but their memories of Quinn's actions during Impending Doom One quickly squashed those feelings of pity.

* * *

As the invaders left the orbital ring around Conventia, Quinn looked at the navigation coordinates given to her by the Tallest. "Okay, GIR! Our mission begins now! Let us rain some **doom** down upon the filthy **doomed** heads of our **doomed** enemies!" Quinn exclaimed. "I'm gonna sing the Doom Song now!" GIR said excitedly.

"Doom, doom! Doom, doom, doom! Doom-doom-doom-Dooooom!"

* * *

**Six Months Later...**

"GIR," Quinn said, "Would you _please_ stop singing?" When GIR refused to stop, Quinn changed her position and began moving her arms towards the little robot's throat. Before she could throttle the machine, a beeping sound emitted from the console of the Voot Cruiser. "Doomy-doom-doom! The End! Ooh, what's that?" GIR asked.

"It's a planet! We've already entered the system, so this must be the one the Tallest were talking about. It doesn't match the coordinates _exactly_ , but it's close enough," Quinn exclaimed. "Accessing local communications systems... oh, these are primitive," Quinn said. "Hmm... Earth? Simple name," Quinn said as she piloted the Voot Cruiser closer to the planet.

"First, we'll need to setup a base of operations. Let's see... that continent is closest to us, so we'll choose that one," Quinn said as she maneuvered the Voot Cruiser and entered the planet's atmosphere. "He-he-he-he!" GIR giggled. "Focus, GIR! This is where your advanced information gathering skills will come in handy!" GIR's eyes glowed red as he saluted Quinn. "Yes Sir!" GIR said, before rushing over to the cockpit front and staring down at the surface.

"You have to observe what these... Earthanoids consider to be... _normal_. Then, based on your observations, we make our disguises... and our home," Quinn said. A few minutes later, they descended and began flying over a small neighborhood. GIR looked at the scenery with fascination as Quinn flew the Voot cruiser past numerous buildings and grassy areas before finding an abandoned spot between two large houses.

"Here! We build here!" Quinn announced as she set the Voot Cruiser down on the ground before climbing out. She walked over to look around the street and the other houses in the neighborhood before turning back to the cruiser. "GIR, get over here!" she snapped. GIR clamored out of the cruiser and ran over to Quinn's side.

"Now, tell me, what did you learn?" Quinn asked him. "I saw a squirrel!" GIR said. Quinn raised an eyebrow. "It was going like this!" GIR said as he assumed a posture similar to a squirrel and began moving his arms weirdly. "Concentrate, GIR!" Quinn snapped at him quietly. "It is time for disguises." "I want to be a mongoose," GIR said.

Quinn walked over to the cruiser, which then rose up and angled itself before sprouting two poles on either side and creating a holographic screen. Various human disguises were shown on the screen. "Too ugly!" Quinn said as she saw one that looked like a gorilla wearing a dress, mostly because it _was_ a gorilla wearing a dress. She looked at the next one. It was a girl wearing glasses and with a vest made of green material, along with stickers all over her outfit.

"Too stinky!" Quinn declared. The next image showed a girl with red hair and blue jeans, along with a pink and purple-striped shirt with long sleeves that resembled her standard Irken uniform. It matched her height and facial structure just close enough. "Hmm, that one looks _good!_ " Quinn declared. She pressed a button on the screen, and then it disappeared before half-spheres sprang from the Voot Cruiser and closed in around her.

There was a light emanating from the inside as the process began. " _A_ _h! Why does it hurt!?_ " she cried from inside. Soon, the process was finished, and the half-spheres pulled apart to reveal Quinn, still green but with contacts, red hair, and her uniform changed to resembled blue jeans and a pink shirt. Her PAK was still visible on her back. She looked down at her boots and then at her gloved hands.

"Hmm... maybe it needs re-calibrating," she muttered to herself. She looked back at GIR, who was looking at her. "Master!" he cried. "Master, where'd you go!?" "It's me, GIR," Quinn said while waving her arms. "I'm right here. And keep it down! Do you want to wake up the whole planet!?" she asked with a whisper. "I _do_ ," GIR replied.

Quinn turned around and looked at the screen. "Okay, for you... I'm thinking, maybe, a dog," she said. "Can I be a mongoose dog?" GIR asked. Quinn flipped through the various dog disguises on the screen before settling on one that looked normal enough. She pushed GIR in between half-spheres before they closed on the robot. Light emanated and then the half-spheres parted, revealing a small green dog outfit with a black spot on the back.

" _I'm genius!_ " Quinn whispered to herself. "Now, all we need is a home," she said while looking around the space where the Voot Cruiser was parked. "This should suffice," she said quietly as she walked over to the Voot Cruiser and pulled out a small capsule. She pressed a button on the capsule and a small pad extended from it. She pulled out a pen of some kind and began drawing the house. "Some windows; a couple little animal things out front... **there!** " she announced before the pad retracted back into the capsule.

Quinn then took the two ends of the capsule and pushed them closer, before twisting the one end to cause a small drill to protrude from it. She placed it on the ground near the Voot cruiser and the drill began to spin, digging into the ground. Quinn and GIR made their way over the front side of one of the houses and waited.

Under the ground, the drill-capsule soon stopped, before hundreds and thousands of pipe began to burst forth and dig throughout the ground. The ground began to shake as dozens and dozens of pipes and tubes burst forth and swirled around before spreading out, forming the house. Two large tubes extended from the house, one on each side, and broke into the sides of the houses next to it. When the house solidified, it was teal in color, with purple-tinted windows. The Voot Cruiser was lifted into the roof, on top of which a large satellite dish had emanated.

Soon, small lawn gnomes popped out of the ground and a waist-high fence shot up to create the front lawn, with a small space for people to walk through on the now existent steps and squares of solid material that led from the sidewalk to the front steps. The squares themselves were actually pressure sensitive proximity sensors, connected to the house and base underneath it. A small flag also shot up from the ground, unraveling to read "I LUV Earth!" with a red heart on it.

Car alarms began going off after the tremors from the house-making subsided. People opened their windows and front doors as they looked out to see the cause of the disturbance. Quinn grabbed GIR's leash and pulled him along as she made her way toward the house, where two human-looking robots opened the door. "Welcome home, son," they said in unison as Quinn entered the house, closing the door behind her as she walked into the living room, past the TV and couch, and into the kitchen, where a large toilet was located. Behind the toilet was a poster of some deformed person with a happy grin saying, "I eat food!"

"Step One went _smoothly_ ," Quinn said seriously. She walked over to a medium-sized black trash can, which GIR opened by stepping on a pedal on the floor. Quinn climbed into the trash can and descended as the elevating platform inside it took her deep into the bowels of the base. "The tallest were wise to choose me," Quinn said to herself in a congratulatory fashion.

"This planet won't know what hit it after I've learned its weaknesses and-oh, these lenses are all scratchy!" she griped as she rubbed her eyes. After she reached a small room, she went over to a chair connected to a computer terminal and logged in. "Now, to find the best possible way of "learning" about this sad _filthy_ little planet," she said to herself.

"The more we know, the sooner we can conquer this spinning ball of... _fffilthy_ **er-er-er... Derds!** " she spat out as she looked at a satellite image of a high school. "This will do..."

* * *

Monday, September 9th, 2097 

"Hmm," Principal Angela Li looked down at the girl with a strange green tint to her skin. "Quinn, um... Vanderi? I hope I pronounced that correctly," she said. "That's right," Quinn said as she looked at Principal Li. "You're a freshman. Just moved here... well, it's always a... good thing to have new students," Li said, a bit unnerved by Quinn's studious expression and small smile.

"Anyway, you'll be meeting with Miss Manson, the school psychologist before you head to any classes," Li said as she ushered Quinn into Miss Manson's office. Miss Manson looked up at the girl. "Hello, you must be Quinn," Manson said. "Yes. Yes, I am. Now, what sort of... _testing_ shall be required of me?" Quinn replied.

"Well, first, look at this image and tell me what you see," Manson said. "Two black shapes that have a resemblance to... people," Quinn said. "Yes, that is... technically correct," Manson said slowly. "Is this the test? To see if I can recognize what other humans look like?" Quinn asked her suspiciously. "This is only part of the test. Now, I want you to tell me what the two people are talking about," Manson said.

"Eh?" Quinn asked her. "Make up a story for them. Invent dialogue," Manson said. Quinn raised an eyebrow and tilted her head in confusion. "Um... okay." _She must be onto me! This is a test of my knowledge of human interactions! They're better prepared than I thought! But... I... must... pass! I'll just... make something up, something generic and vague, and then... if she doesn't buy that... I'll... wipe her mind or something_.

* * *

"Class, I would to introduce the newest, _hopeless_ appendage to the student body. Her name is Quinn Vanderi," Miss Bitters said to the freshman English class. "Quinn, if you have something to say, then say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you," Bitters said.

Quinn put her hands together nervously. Miss Manson had been easy enough to fool, considering that she didn't pay much attention at all when she was speaking, but Miss Bitters seemed... intelligent. It would be difficult to keep her from suspecting anything.

"Hello... friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby. You have nothing, absolutely _nothing_ to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine," Quinn said. Meanwhile, near the front of the class, Stacey Morgendorffer was staring at Quinn with wide eyes and her mouth open.

"Quinn, please take your seat," Miss Bitters said. Quinn quickly obeyed and found an empty seat in the front of the class. "Now, for today's lesson, we're going look at-yes, Quinn?" Bitters asked. "Um, in the hypothetical event of a full-scale alien invasion, how prepared do you think this planet's defenses would be? _Tell me,_ " Quinn demanded.

"Anyway," Bitters said, ignoring the question, "Due to humanity's obsession with death and violence in both literature and the media, it is obvious that humanity is just doomed, doomed, doomed, dooooooomed," she finished. Several kids were nodding off, while others passed notes along to each other.

Stacey, however, looked back and forth between Quinn and her classmates. "Okay, am I the _only_ one here who sees the alien sitting in class?" she asked out loud. Everyone began looking around in confusion. "There!" Stacey said, pointing at Quinn, "Right there!"

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "That is no human kid. She's an alien, an alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about!" Stacey exclaimed. Quinn moved one of her sleeves up on her arm to prepare a self-destruct device. Clearly, the humans were smarter than she initially believed. "She's here to conquer Earth!" Stacey said.

"Oh, not _this_ again. You're crazy," one of the other kids, Joey, said. "What about her green head!?" Stacey retorted. "Insolent fool girl!" Quinn yelled. "It's a _skin condition,_ " she lied. "And she's got no ears! Is that part of your _skin condition_ , too, Quinn?" Stacey asked. Quinn lowered her head. "Yes," she said sadly.

"Oh my god, Stacey, you think that just because someone looks different, you can call them an alien?" another student, Tori Jericho, asked her. "Yeah, Stacey. Ever since you moved here, all we ever hear you talk about are aliens and ghosts and other stupid crap!" Sandi Griffin said.

"Yeah, she's always saying stuff," Quinn said. "I remember this one time, she-" "Hey! You just got here!" Stacey snapped. "Don't let her fool you! Look, right there is proof of what I'm talking about, sitting right there!" Stacey exclaimed. The other students took a minute to consider this. "Well, she does look pretty _weird_." "Yeah, and she is **sitting,** " another student said, causing Quinn's eyes to widen at the possibility of her exposure.

"You see? Actual proof that all the things I've been saying are actually right! Finally, proof that I'm... that I'm..." "That I'm crazy!" Quinn said. "Okay, that makes sense," said Jamie White. "Yeah, and we almost believed her," said Jeffy. Stacey scowled at Quinn, who merely smirked in response.

* * *

"So," Jane Lane asked Daria Morgendorffer as they left their last class of the day, "Has your sister intercepted anymore _strange_ messages from deep space?" "None that I'm aware of, unless you count the space between her ears," Daria replied. Jane chuckled in response.

"Well-" Jane was interrupted when a shorter, green-skinned girl was red hair rushed past her and Daria, along with a strange looking backpack. "Did you see that?" Jane asked. "Yeah. Someone went overboard on the whole guacamole thing," Daria said.

* * *

Quinn exited the building and looked around at the other kids entering the school buses and walking away. Behind her, she heard her name being spoken. "Quinn," Stacey said. Quinn turned around to look at the girl. "Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everyone else, but I'll get them to see the truth," Stacey said. "No one will believe you," Quinn replied with narrowed eyes.

Stacey smirked and brought a pair of hand-cuffs from in her pockets. Quinn raised an eyebrow. "They'll believe if I bring you to them _without_ your disguise," Stacey said as she maneuvered herself in front of Quinn. She unlocked the cuffs and held them out in front of her. "I ordered these from one of my UFO-zines," Stacey said.

"Ooh, it's pretty. What is it?" Quinn asked her. "Alien sleep-cuffs. Guaranteed to render all alien life forms unconscious," Stacey said with a smirk. "How do you know it works if you've never found an alien before?" Quinn asked her skeptically. "Hmm, I guess I'm gonna find out right now!" Stacey said manically as she lunged at Quinn. Quinn dodged Stacey and ran away from the school, with Stacey in hot pursuit.

* * *

"Jane, please tell me I didn't just see that," Daria said as she and Jane watched Stacey chasing the new girl with hand cuffs. "I cannot lie so blatantly," Jane replied. "Dammit," Daria muttered in a disappointed tone.

* * *

"Leave me alone!" Quinn shouted as she ran along the sidewalk. "I just want to go home and be all normal!" She pushed several people aside as she continued running. _I can't use my PAK out in public; that would only give me away! I'll just have to outrun her_ , Quinn thought as she ran over to a car parked in front of a red light before leaping onto the top of it, running over and leaping on to the hood of a bus before moving onto the top of it. Stacey followed her, only tripping once.

Behind the bus was an ice cream truck, playing its music while Quinn and Stacey stared off against each other on the top of the bus.

" **You like ice cream. You like ice cream.** "

"They might even name your autopsy video after _me!_ " Stacey said with glee as she approached Quinn. Quinn narrowed her eyes and backed up.

" **You love it. You cannot resist ice cream.** "

Quinn looked behind her and leapt onto the top of the ice cream truck, with Stacey following her, landing on her feet with a grunt.

" **To resist is hopeless! Your existence is** _ **meaningless**_ **without ice cream!** "

Stacey lunged forward and Quinn jumped to the side, off the ice cream truck and grabbed onto a set of rails in front of a yard. The ice cream truck moved forward after the light turned green. Quinn watched as Stacey almost lost her balance on the moving vehicle.

"Ha! See ya, Stacey!" Quinn exclaimed. "Pitiful _human!_ " she mocked, just before a dog jumped up and attacked her. "Aah!" she screamed as the animal pushed her to the ground and into the large hedges and bushes.

Quinn eventually managed to shake off the dog and crawl over to a bent up hole in the fence, watching quietly as Stacey made her way over and climbed onto the rails. Smirking, Quinn silently extricated herself from the yard and maneuvered behind Stacey, before jumping up and pushing her into the yard. She grinned when she saw the dog bark and leap onto Stacey.

Quinn looked away and tapped on her PAK, causing a long spindly mechanical arm to extended out of it with a microphone. Quinn grabbed the microphone and moved closer to her head. "GIR, help me! There isn't much time," Quinn said. " _Yes sir!_ " Quinn allowed the microphone to retract back into her PAK, watching as a small green object came into view, followed by a huge plume of dust and smoke behind it.

GIR soon stopped in front of Quinn. "GIR, get us back to home base, now!" Quinn demanded of the little robot. "Okie-dokie!" GIR declared as he shot forward and maneuvered himself so that Quinn was riding him. "Hey, wait a minute, what the-aaaaaaaaahhh!" Quinn cried as GIR flew away from the fence.

Stacey soon emerged from the yard, and looked defeated, until she saw the trail of dust and smoke. She grinned as she followed the trail.

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" Quinn cried as GIR flew to the house at almost break-neck speed, stopping only after crashing into the front door, which had a Men's Room sign on it for some reason. GIR and Quinn fell to the ground in a heap. "Ow," Quinn muttered before standing up and rubbing the back of her head. "Good work, GIR," Quinn said disoriented, while GIR produced a "Do-do-do-doo!" sound in appreciation.

Quinn looked over at the front of the lawn and saw a figure walking through the smoke trail, revealing herself to be Stacey. "There you are," Stacey said. She had a gleam in her eyes as she walked forward, still clutching the hand-cuffs. Quinn opened the front door. "Quick, get in the house GIR, hurry!" Quinn said as the Robot Parents greeted her. "Welcome home, son," they said, before closing the door on Stacey.

"Your little tricks won't fool me, Quinn!" Stacey declared as she walked over to one of the windows. "I know where you live now!" "Oh, your friend's at the window!" GIR said to Quinn as she hid behind the front door.

"You can't hide forever!" Stacey said. One of the gnomes opened its eyes to reveal small barrels, and its arms transformed into gun barrels as well. "And if you can, then I'll _wait_ forever!" Stacey declared. The gnome aimed its guns at the hand-cuffs, calculating its aim before firing a series of laser beams at the cuffs. "I've been preparing for this all my-aah!" Stacey dropped them to the ground as they heated up and then disintegrated.

"Okay, I'm gonna go home now and... prepare some more!" Stacey said as she backed out of the yard. Inside, Quinn listened as she slumped against the door, while GIR removed his dog outfit. "You know, GIR, today actually went _far_ better than I expected," Quinn said with a smile.

* * *

**The Massive, Flagship of the Irken Armada...**

Almighty Tallest Red and Purple devoured a few donuts as they looked over the plans for a weapon system being developed. "Hmm... the output is pretty good, but the power consumption levels are just too high when compared with the output. It would be a waste of time. Send it back to the designer and tell them to either improve it or forget it," Red said as he handed the designs back to the messenger who had given it to them. The messenger nodded his head before exiting the bridge, heading for wherever he was supposed to go.

A loud beeping attracted the attention of the Tallest. "Incoming transmission from... Earth," one of the communications officers said. Red raised an eyebrow. "Earth? That name sounds... vaguely familiar," Red said. His eyes widened considerably, however when the main screen showed an even more familiar face on the screen.

" _Invader Quinn reporting, sirs._ " Purple dropped a soda he was holding. " _The mission goes well, but surely you expected that from_ _ **me**_ " she said. "Q-Quinn? You're... _alive?_ " he asked her. " _Yes, and so very alive, and full of goo; mission goo! Don't be surprised if I take care of the humans before the Armada even gets here!_ " Quinn said with a salute. " _Well, I've much work to do. Invader Quinn, signing off!_ " she said, before GIR dropped down from the ceiling and knocked her to the floor. " _Oh, my spine!_ " she cried before the transmission ended.

Red and Purple stared at the screen with abject horror. "So... _why_ didn't we send her to that planet full of broken glass again?" Purple asked Red. Red glared at him. "Shut up."

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck,(By Splendora)


	2. Fundraiser Of Terror!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a coffee house is vandalized, Principal Li seizes the opportunity to make her students raise funds for both the coffee house and the school.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-002: Fundraiser of Terror 

* * *

Date: Sunday, September 15th, 2097 

Quinn reclined back in her seat as she watched a procession of data stream down her computer monitors. She looked over at GIR, who was busy eating some kind of Earth confection. "GIR, what _is_ that?" she asked the robot. "It's a chocolate caramel swirl bar!" GIR chirped happily as he munched on it. "Hmm. Do you have any more?" Quinn asked with more interest this time.

"Sure! I gots plenty in that storage room!" GIR replied. "Oh, okay," Quinn said. Then she raised an eyebrow. _Storage room?_ "GIR... _which_ storage room?" Quinn asked. "The one with the big red X on it!" Quinn face-palmed. "GIR! That's a waste disposal room! The snacks are all destroyed by now!" Quinn yelled at the robot.

"De-destroyed? B-But... no. No! Nooo! **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** " GIR cried out in horror. Quinn began sniffling as well, for GIR had devoured the last bit of the candy bar before he began his cry of woe. Now, she would never get to taste that delicious treat until the following morning.

* * *

Date: Monday, September 16th, 2097 

"Class, last night, someone broke into the Lawndale Cafe and desecrated the place, spraying graffiti and overturning tables," Mr. O'Neill said, almost on the verge of tears. Quinn had learned early on that anything could make this man come close to falling apart. She enjoyed seeing him squirm.

"So, I would like each of you to tell me how this has affected you and how it makes you feel," Mr. O'Neill said. "Quinn, why don't you go first," Mr. O'Neill said. "Huh? Oh... um, I didn't know that there _was_ a cafe in town until just now. So... I really don't feel anything. The place can be fixed," Quinn replied with a shrug.

"Okay... I guess, since you just moved here, that's understandable. Well then, how about... Stacey, how does this make you feel?" Mr. O'Neill asked. "We had a coffee shop?" she asked him sarcastically. She inadvertently found herself agreeing with Quinn's assessment of the situation. And inside, she felt disgusted at herself for it. _Just think about it logically_ , Stacey thought to herself.

"Oh, that's right, you only just moved here during the summer, but surely that would give you more time to feel the layout of Lawndale than Quinn," Mr. O'Neill said. "Well, yes, but it wasn't the _only_ coffee shop in town," Stacey replied. "Yeah, but it was the only one that sold those chocolate caramel swirl bars!" Jamie White interjected.

Quinn raised an eyebrow at this declaration. _If the coffee shop is gone, then how will I ever taste those treats? I must find a way to help the humans fix the shop, if only for those snacks and candy bars_ , Quinn thought to herself. _When this planet is conquered, I shall implore the Tallest to make it into a candy production planet, so that it may produce a steady supply of food and snacks for the Irken Empire. I shall sample their snack products for my next report._

"Hmm... Well-" " _Attention, Students!_ " Principal Li's voice said over the PA system, " _There will be a presentation in the auditorium at the beginning of the next class period. Attendance is mandatory. Thank you._ " "Oh... I forgot what I was going to say," O'Neill said. "Good," Quinn whispered. She loved watching him squirm, but otherwise the man was an insufferable pain to be around. He was constantly misinterpreting what his students were saying and always tried to put a positive spin on things that clearly had no room for positive spins.

"So... when did she say the presentation was going to be?" Quinn asked.

* * *

"Thank you all for coming," Principal Li said to the students who had gathered into the auditorium. "As you all are aware, we have been having some budget issues this year, and our local coffee shop was vandalized last night! In response to both of these things, I have decided that we should have a fundraiser for both the school and the coffee shop," she said.

"Gee, I wonder if the money will actually go to something useful this time?" Jane snarked under her breath. Daria looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Trust me, Daria, you'll start noticing a pattern soon enough," Jane said to her. Daria nodded her head and returned her attention to Principal Li.

"Now, recently, our school has been given an offer by the Ultra Food & Beverage Company, the manufacturers of Ultra Cola and other products," Angela Li said. "I have a video here to help you understand what you will be selling."

The lights in the auditorium dimmed and the curtains parted as a large flat-panel TV screen descended from the ceiling. The screen popped to life as the video started.

The screen was black before it showed a set with a man dressed up in a strange cat costume, with a leather jacket and ripped jeans, but also with a large cat head with darkened space in the mouth where a voice projector could be seen faintly. " _Hey, kids, what's up? I'm Ultra-Cat, and I'm here to lay down the plan for you guys to help your school._ "

"Please, tell me this isn't real. Tell me that someone didn't actually spend money to make this video," Daria said quietly. "Sorry, Dar, but this is happening. Don't worry, though, it only gets worse from here," Jane said. "Do you have a knife?" Daria asked her. "Nope. Why?" "I was hoping to gouge my eyes out and cut off my ears," Daria said.

"Uh-uh. If _I_ have to suffer through this, then so will _you_ ," Jane said. "Dammit," Daria muttered.

" _Are you guys ready to go magnet with the monies?_ " Ultra Cat asked enthusiastically. The video then showed a small group of children cheering in response to his question. " _Yeah! Yaaaaaaay!_ " " _What does that_ _ **mean?**_ " one of the children asked curiously. There was a brief jump edit in the video, and the child was now missing from the group, and the other children had slightly nervous looks on their faces.

" _Then jack this box of Ultra Cola Candy,_ _ **and**_ _Ultra-Extreme Bars!_ " Ultra Cat said as he held two boxes of candy in his hands. " _It's the great flavor of Ultra Cola wrapped in a layer of chocolate baaadness!_ " Ultra Cat said with gusto.

The video jumped back to the children, some of whom had clearly been crying, who were ooh-ing and awe-ing at the offer of the candy. " _Every bar you sell earns money for your school! But what's in it for you? Well, how about some great prizes, prizes, prezizes!_ " Ultra Cat exclaimed.

" _Sell one hundred bars and you win a box of_ **Adhesive Medical Strips.** _Sell a thousand, you win a crash helmet!_ " Ultra cat said as a list of said items began scrolling up the one side of the screen. " _Sell ten thousand and you win an electro-scooter! At five hundred thousand, you get a hover craft, plus the helmet, plus a box of_ **Adhesive Medical Strips**."

The kids in auditorium were all blown away, mostly by the hover craft, but a select few were simply amazed by the word "adhesive," which they had somehow never heard before in their life. They were very sheltered. Quinn, however, was not fooled by the items on display. "Pff. Garbage!" she cried. "That hover craft is a _joke_ of engineering, and that helmet would _never_ protect your brain from _lasers!_ " she cried out derisively.

Daria and Jane both looked over at the girl after hearing her tirade. Stacey looked over as well, although she had to admit that she _was_ somewhat curious about Quinn's knowledge of engineering, but decided that she would look into that later.

" _And if you all think you saw something with the top sellies and the... and-and the... I... I can't do this! Please, just let my family go!_ " the guy in the Ultra Cat costume cried out. There was yet another edit in the video, and it was clear that a new actor had replaced the old one for Ultra Cat.

" _The top prize is something your b-b-b-brain won't beLIEVE!_ " Ultra Cat said. "Nonsense," Quinn said dismissively. " _In fact, it's a secret,_ " Ultra Cat said. "Secret!?" Quinn shrieked from her seat. "What are you hiding, Cat-Man!? Tell me! Tell meee!" Quinn shouted angrily. "Sit down," a student next to her whispered in an annoyed tone. Quinn hissed at him and he leaned away from her.

" _Good luck, my fellow Ultra slave-I mean, supporters! Now, this cool cat's gonna go find a kitty. Warning, Ultra Cola Candy made entirely out of sawdust._ " With that, the video ended. The TV then ascended back into its holding spot within the ceiling. "So, does anyone have any questions?" Principal Li asked.

Stacey raised her hand. "Yes?" Li asked her. "Um... why is it that the money given to the school seems to be less than the money that was clearly spent on the expensive prizes? Wouldn't those all _cost_ more than the fundraiser itself?" Stacey asked. "That answer wasn't in the video," Principal Li replied tersely.

"Um, I have a question," Jane Lane said as she raised her hand. "Yes?" "Will the money brought in by this actually go towards the coffee house and the school's supplies and maintenance, or will it just disappear like the money from last year's fundraiser?" she asked. "That answer was also _not_ in the video," Miss Li said sharply. "Now, participation is mandatory. The punishment for not participating is one week's suspension."

* * *

Date: Tuesday, September 17th, 2097 

It was a beautiful day in the neighborhood as various neighbors went about mowing their lawns and watering. Many of them waved at each other and talked. One man, getting ready for his shift at work, walked over to his red 6000 SUX. He stopped after opening the car door. He cupped hand to his ear, before looking down the street. Many of the other adults were doing the same thing.

"What the... oh no," he whispered as he saw the mass of shapes growing nearer to him and the others. "Fund raising... _children!_ " he exclaimed. He quickly got in the car and rolled up all of the windows. He sighed in relief. He would be safe in his car.

He was startled then, when he heard the thumps of the teenagers jumping up onto his car and running around, much like the Gallimimuses hopping around that log in that scene from the first Jurassic Park movie. Lasers were shooting into the air as well. Kids were running towards the adults at breakneck speed.

Two adults ran back into their home and locked the door as a blonde girl ran up and kicked the door while shouting obscenities at them. In an old lady's house, the old lady grabbed a baseball bat and held it close as she watched the fundraising teenagers walking by.

One adult was unable to get inside his house quickly enough, and was savagely harassed by two teenagers, Brittany Taylor and Kevin Thompson, until he gave in and bought some candy bars.

One woman drove her car into her garage and closed the door frantically. She breathed a sigh of relief, before she looked in the rear-view mirror and saw a kid pop up in the back seat and hold out a box of candy toward her. She shrieked in surprise and terror.

Quinn walked down the sidewalk, GIR at her side in a poor disguise as a large-headed child with a blue shirt and shirt, along with a small baseball cap on its head and orange hair. There was a large open spot in the mouth where GIR's blue eyes could be seen. Quinn paused when she heard a commotion. She turned her head and looked at saw two girls, both of whom she faintly recognized as being associated with Stacey.

The girl with the black hair and red jacket was trying to pull a large, morbidly obese woman away from the girl with glasses, brown hair and green jacket. The box of candy had been spilled on the ground, along with the girl with the glasses, who was holding her hands out in front of her defensively as the obese woman shoveled candy bars into her mouth. "Stop, you need to pay for those first!" the other girl shouted at the woman.

"Hmm, eh, whatever," Quinn muttered as she continued onward. She saw Stacey standing up ahead, drinking a soda, along with an empty box on the ground. "So, I see that even _you_ are attempting to discover the secret prize. Just more proof of its strategic value," Quinn said as she approached Stacey.

"Listen, Quinn, the only reason that I'm selling this dirt in a wrapper is that Principal Li made it mandatory. Although, I suppose it would be interesting to see if your failure at selling chocolate is representative of your ability to conquer a planet," Stacey replied. "Now, Stacey, is that _any_ way to talk to your future overlord?" Quinn asked with a smirk.

"In your dreams, Quinn. You'll never take over the Earth. I'll stop you at every turn," Stacey retorted. She then grabbed her other boxes and walked away, not noticing Quinn glaring at her. "Good luck, little Earth girl. You'll need it. After all, I'm a trained soldier, with years of experience in fighting and causing destruction," Quinn said quietly.

"Come, GIR!" Quinn shouted as she walked up the path to a door step. She knocked on the door, and an old lady looked out the small window. The old lady inside the house hid her baseball bat behind her as she slowly opened the door. "Please, ma'am. If you don't buy some candy, my little brother will _go insane!_ " Quinn said dramatically.

The old lady raised an eyebrow and looked over at GIR, who began dancing and then spinning on his head, before his body exploded and shot up into the air. His body then landed on the ground in front of the old lady. "Aaah! Good heavens! It's terrible," the old lady cried out in horror. She took out her pocket book and handed Quinn some cash. "Please, of course I'll buy some candy," she said before she began eating one of the Ultra Cola Candy bars.

"Mmm," she said in delight, before taking a few more bites. She then began to gag, and started spitting out sawdust onto GIR's body. "Mm-hm, oh yeah. That's definitely the sawdust," Quinn said to herself. GIR's body then shot up, and the old lady backed away in shock, before kicking GIR's body away and crawling into the house, locking the door behind her. GIR's body ran up and started wailing on the door.

Quinn grabbed the body and strode away from the house, grabbing GIR's head and second box of candy at the same time. "She only bought _one_ of these horrible things. Come on, we need to try harder," Quinn said.

* * *

[Montage begins]

Quinn holds candy in front of a horrified man. His attention is drawn to GIR, who is destroying his lawn by making dirt angels, tearing up the ground and grass.

Quinn kneels down in front of a car as someone shoots water at her from a hose, while GIR stands on the other side of the car.

A middle-aged man slams a door in Quinn's face. She turns around with a scowl on her face.

Quinn knocks on a door, only to run away as the owner of the house steps out with a shotgun and fires at her, missing several times.

GIR gets thrown into a trash can and Quinn gets kicked out of the front door of a house, landing on her face. She hits the pavement with her fist in anger.

Quinn walks on the sidewalk, with GIR next to her, until a strange van drives along. It's doors open and a pair of arms shoot out and grab Quinn, pulling her into the van. The van soon crashes into a fire hydrant, and the driver is sent flying out the windshield, while the abductor in the back is thrown into the path of an oncoming car. Quinn exits the vehicle and continues on her way.

Quinn and GIR drop some eggs down on the sidewalk and the cement path leading up to someone's home. The door opens and a woman holding her child comes out. She takes one look behind GIR and Quinn and shouts while dropping her baby, who then bounces back up into the air and back into the woman's arms as she retreats inside and closes the door. Quinn and GIR turn around and see a strange Chihuahua eating some of the eggs. They both scream and run away.

[Montage ends]

* * *

GIR and Quinn made their way across the sidewalk near a park. Exhausted, Quinn dropped a box of candy on the ground, and GIR rushed over before devouring the stuff. Quinn looked over and then snapped at GIR in anger. "GIR! Don't eat that filth! We need to _sell_ these horrible filth bars if we are ever to discover the mystery of the secret prize!"

GIR stopped eating and chocolate streams began falling out of his mouth. "The mystery of the priiiize," GIR said in awe s the chocolate streams pooled around him on the other candy bars in the box. "This... this is a horrible failure! _Nothing_ has gone right today!" Quinn exclaimed. She began pulling at her wig in frustration. " _Quinn! Quiiinnn! Quiiinnn!_ " said a voice in a spooky tone.

Quinn looked up to a see a cloaked figure walking towards her. "I have come for you!" "Eh!?" she asked with wide eyes as she tilted her head in confusion. "What is this? Who are you!?" "I am-" "Who are you!?" "I am-" "Who are you!?" "I am **ULTRA CAT!** The gangsta specter of defeat!" Ultra Cat said as he lifted his hood. "And you will _never_ win the mystery prize, fool!"

"What _is_ this miraculous prize thing!?" Quinn asked desperately. "Does it defy the laws of time and space? Can it alter the minds of sentient beings? Is it the _key_ to controlling all of mankind!?" Quinn begged. "I ain't tell you," Ultra Cat said firmly as he smacked Quinn away.

Quinn quickly brushed herself off as she stood back up and glared at Ultra Cat. "Cat monster! You _DARE_ to defy Quinn!?" "The prize will _never_ be yours, Quinn! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yo! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Ultra Cat said haughtily. "Screw you, filth-beast!" Quinn shouted as she grabbed GIR and swung him at Ultra Cat's torso, disintegrating him and causing Stacey to appear as she fell back against the pavement.

"Ow. Geez, Quinn. What the hell? I mean, I haven't even done anything to you yet," Stacey muttered. Quinn raised an eyebrow as she watched Stacey get up. "Get out of here, Gangsta of Defeat! Be gone with you!" Quinn shouted. " _Gangsta_ of _defeat?_ Damn, Quinn. Defeat's made you crazy," Stacey said as she brushed dirt off of her jean jacket before walking away.

Quinn glared at Stacey as she walked away. "Of course," Quinn muttered to herself in realization, "I have been trying to sell these miserable candies like a pitiful _human_ child, instead of as the superior Irken that I am! The game plan changes now," Quinn said.

"Come GIR, we must go back to the base and make preparations. The fundraiser isn't over until Friday. We have some time," Quinn said with a grin. "Yaaaaay! I'm gonna be siiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!" GIR exclaimed as he ran over to Quinn and threw up on her shirt.

* * *

Daria looked at the ripped up box in her hands. Jane was busy nursing a bruise on her elbow, while their second box of candy had thankfully gone undetected by Mrs. Johanssen during her violent eating spree. Still, they were down one box of candy, but only a fraction of it had actually been paid for, and the girls were far too intelligent to willingly consume a product that was made out of sawdust.

"Daria? Do you think... maybe, we can convince Miss Li to believe us when we claim that we didn't eat all of the candy?" Jane asked her friend as they sat down on the sidewalk. "I... I don't know," Daria replied. "I mean, that lady only paid for five candy bars, but she ate, like, half of the box!" Jane exclaimed.

"What do you mean by _half?_ " Daria asked her. "Oh, right. She ate the whole box, and probably whatever family she used to have, too," Jane said. She sighed in defeat before looking up to the sky and closing her eyes. "I hope we aren't the only ones having terrible luck today," Jane said.

Daria heard foot steps and looked over to see Andrea, a goth girl in some of her classes, walking up the sidewalk. "Hey, Andrea," Jane said. "Hey," Andrea said flatly. "So, how many of these things have _you_ sold?" Jane asked her. "Hmm, let's see..." Andrea said, counting her fingers. "Carry the three... add two... multiply by price... none. Yep. I've sold zero candy bars," Andrea said.

"Huh, so someone _is_ having worse luck than me and Daria," Jane said. "Hn, Oh wait, I almost forgot..." Andrea said, pulling out a plastic bag from a fanny pack that she was carrying. "Hmm, all of the money from my dad's lab-I mean, workplace," she said. Jane snickered. "Oh, please!" Jane said with a snort. "Everyone knows that your dad's a scientist," she said. "Yeah, well... just don't go blabbing about my last name, okay?" Andrea said.

"I've known for the past six years and I haven't said anything yet, so don't worry about it," Jane said with a smirk. "Um, what exactly _is_ your last name?" Daria asked Andrea. In every class that she had with the girl, she was always called by either her first name or as Andrea M whenever they were in a class with another person named Andrea.

"It's... I'll wait until we know each other better, and then I'll consider telling you," Andrea said before walking away. "Oh, by the way, I saw your sister, Stacey, at the lab today. I managed to sell more bars than she did," Andrea said. Daria and Jane stared after her. "So... what-" "Nope. I've kept my silence for six years, and I sure as hell ain't gonna screw it up now. You'll just have to get on her good side and wait for her to tell you. Or just wait for the next parent teacher conference and pay attention to what your mom or dad say about the other kids' parents," Jane said.

"Hmm. Are you friends with her?" Daria asked Jane. "Eh, we hang out once in a while. Nothing close, though. I've just picked up some things over time. She never told me her last name; I figured it out on my own, after running into her while she was shopping with her mother at a grocery store," Jane replied.

"Hmm. Hey, Jane?" "Yeah?" "We're still having worse luck than everyone else. How about we go drown our sorrows with some pizza and soda at Pizza King?" Daria suggested. "Sounds good to me," Jane replied. "Although, we might want to to hit at least one or two more houses on the way, just to make sure that the second box gets used _somehow_ , Jane said. "Fine by me, just don't take us back to Mrs. Johanssen's house again by accident," Daria replied as they started walking.

* * *

Date: Wednesday, September 18th, 2097 

Inside a worn down house, two people, a tubby man in a stained A-shirt and his wife in a discolored blouse, sat on their couch and watched TV, while their filthy children ate sausages from the floor of their kitchen. " _John F. Kennedy, or John F. Klingon? Aliens in the White House on the next Sick Sad World!_ "

There was a knock on the front door, before it was kicked open and a young girl with green skin and orange hair walked in. "Greetings, I am selling candy for your local school, and you will buy some!" Quinn declared authoritatively. "We don't want any guv'ment candy!" the lady said.

"Yeah! No guv'ment candy! We don't want any!" the husband chimed in. "Oh, yes you _do!_ " Quinn said with an evil grin as the box in her hands opened up and four small objects shot into the air, flying around until their landed on the heads of the four people. The objects then expanded and filled out to cover the people's heads and formed lenses over their eyes.

"What the-" "Be silent! Now, filth-monsters, view a world in which you do not buy my delicious treats!" Quinn exclaimed.

**[Viewpoint Of The Mind Control Helmets]**

Quinn stands in front of burning wreckage as horrible monsters, SIR units, and Irken soldiers walk around. A man with tattered clothes tries to run from two beasts, but they use a pole with a clamp on it to catch him and throw him into a cage held by a hovering robot. The door slams shut on the man and he screams in terror as he is flown away.

"All that you know and love lies in ruin," Quinn says as she walks into view. A small gray cat on the sidewalk sprouts eight spidery legs and runs away. Quinn then walks over to the shambled and destroyed classroom of a school, where a small school girl is sitting down, clutching a teddy bear to her chest. She looks straight ahead. "I just wanted a school desk of my own," she says in a heartbroken manner.

Then a horrible misshapen and pudgy hand reaches down and grabs her head. "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" the girl cries out as a horrible flabby monster lifts her into the air. The beast looks like an obese man, with literally red skin and only a loincloth covering the spot between its bulky legs. "Weeyyyy!" it says before grabbing the teddy bear and shoving it into its mouth. The horrible monster then stuffs the girl in a spot somewhere between its various folds of fat. Quinn walks over into the space near the monster and looks directly at the viewers.

"This horrible tragedy _can_ be prevented, but if, and _only if_ you buy my candy!" Quinn declares with dramatic hand gestures. She walks up and licks the screen with her worm-like tongue and a sadistic grin on her face. "Pweeease!? For the childwen!?" the horrible monster pleads, clasping its hands together.

**[Normal View Again]**

"It-it's horrible!" the man shouted. "We-We'll buy your candy! We'll buy your candy!" he began screaming. "Please, just stop this horrible future from ever happening!" the woman begged with terror in her voice. Quinn grinned even wider. "Ha! Take that, Ultra Beast!" She shouted as she grabbed the curtains of the windows and ripped them off.

" _ **Aaah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaa!**_ " Quinn shouted in triumph, while Ultra Cat peered in the window, watching the scene with wide eyes. The two adults were on their hands and knees, grabbing the candy and throwing money out of their wallets. The two children were still eating the sausages on the floor, with GIR joining them.

Quinn spent the rest of the week using her mind control helmets on everyone in town, with the exception of Anthony DeMartino, who proved to be resistant to the helmets. Quinn decided that she would attempt to study him at a later date. In any case, hundreds of people in Lawndale, and even in small neighboring towns that Quinn got confused with Lawndale, bought and ate every single bar that Quinn was able to get a hold of. People were shown horrific futures, many of which were the same as Quinn's first victims, but some of which had variations, including Spider people weaving webs in sewers and even the simple destruction caused by space ships firing weaponry down at Earth's surface, turning it to glass.

* * *

Date: Friday, September 20th, 2097 

Miss Bitters looked at the small jar holding a few dollars and coins on her desk. "Well, children, most of your performances were miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls this afternoon instructing them to love you less now," she said firmly. "Aw, man!" Jeffy whined. "In a startling display of competence and school spirit, however, Stacey Morgendorffer has managed to sell over one hundred candy bars," Bitters said.

"Stacey, your prize is a box of **Adhesive Medical Strips** ," Bitters said. "R-Really? I was... the only person in the class to sell that many?" Stacey asked. "In this class, yes. Not in the school, though," Miss Bitters said.

"Huh. Well, I guess I managed to do _something_ ," Stacey said reluctantly. She looked over at the empty desk where Quinn was assigned. _So, she didn't show up to school? I guess she must've been ashamed at failing to-wait, what's that noise?_ Everyone in the room looked around as the rumbling sound began to vibrate throughout the building, getting louder as it got closer to the classroom, until the door to Miss Bitters' room burst open and a flood of cash came pouring in, with Quinn riding it before jumping to her feet.

"I have sold over one million of these revolting candy units!" Quinn declared. "Now, hand over the secret prize!" she demanded. "Well, this has certainly never happened before. Quinn, your prize is..." Miss Bitters pulled out and envelope and the shredded it open.

"Your prize is... _nothing!_ " she said. "Huh!?" Quin asked in confusion and disbelief. "There is no secret prize! It's just something that was made up to make kids work harder for no extra benefit. As a consolation... here's some tuna," Bitters said, pulling a can of tuna out of her pocket and handing it to Quinn.

Quinn stared at the can in her hands and began to growl. She lifted the can into the air and turned around. "Curse you, Ultra Cat! **CURSE YOOOOUUUU!** " she shouted. A pulse of energy emanated from around her, knocking over desks and other students, and eventually breaking the windows.

Quinn looked at the window at saw the gangsta cat, smiling at her. She could hear him laughing at her, mocking her. All of her efforts had been for nothing. _For this, and this above all else, I will conquer this chunk of dirt and make the people on it rue the day that they messed with Invader Quinn! They will all taste DOOM!_

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora 


	3. BFF: Best Fake Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans are, with some exceptions, social creatures. Having a friend is considered "normal" by the majority of living humans on Earth. Realizing this, Quinn makes an effort to infiltrate Human society better by having a friend. Too bad she doesn't realize that friends aren't just for show.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-003: BFF: Best Fake Friend

* * *

Date: Monday, September 23rd, 2097

Quinn poked at her tray of food in the cafeteria. _Stupid human food. Stupid humans. I hate them all_ , Quinn thought with disgust. She was still bitter over the revelation that the secret prize for the fundraiser was simply a ploy to make kids work harder. _Make a fool out of me, will they?_ She frowned before lifting a spoonful of peas up to her lips. She took a cautious sniff, before inserting the spoon into her mouth. She chewed the peas quickly and swallowed them, before repeating the process.

Over at another table in the cafeteria, several of the cheerleaders were talking. "That new girl is such a freak," one of them, a platinum blonde named Angie, said. "Yeah," said another one, a brunette named Nicky, in agreement. "She's been here long enough to at least make some friends with the other unpopular people, like that weirdo Stacey and her sister," Angie said.

Quinn raised an eyebrow as she listened to the cheerleaders gossiping. "Or those rejects sitting in the corner," Angie added, pointing at a table where several kids were sitting, including a bald boy with an orange shirt, a freckled brunette girl with shoulder length hair and a blue shirt, a tubby black boy with a Star Wars shirt, a boy with a lazy eye and black hair wearing a green shirt and khaki pants, and a girl with glasses and braces wearing a yellow sun dress.

"But just look at her, sitting there all by herself," Nicky said. "Yeah. I mean, what kind of kid doesn't have _any_ friends? It's so... _inhuman!_ " Angie said. The word echoed in Quinn's mind. _Inhuman, inhuman, inhuman, inhuman..._ Quinn's eyes widened as she realized that her mission could potentially be compromised by this detail.

Quinn looked around the room, taking in the sight of the various students and their friends, seeing Daria and Jane, Stacey sitting near that goth girl, Andrea, Kevin and Mack, with Jodie, the cheerleaders, Sandi and Tiffany, along with Brooke and Tori Jericho, and many others. _Of course, humans are social creatures! They aren't bred for war like we Irkens are; their natural evolution doesn't appear to have been hijacked by advanced technology just yet. I am an Irken soldier, and an invader! I am_ _ **supposed**_ _to be capable of operation on my own, yet this may also be my downfall! I must acquire an associate or two to claim as friends, in order to deflect suspicion away from myself, but how?_

Quinn eyed the group of so-called rejects at the corner table and made her way over there. She first stopped in front of the boy with the Star Wars shirt. "I am looking for a friend," Quinn said to him. "Would you be-" "I was born with webbed fish toes, like some kind of horrible, mutant _fish boy!_ " he said quietly. Quinn blinked in surprise. "Wanna see?" he asked her. Quinn shook her head and backed away from him.

She went over to the girl with the glasses and braces. "Would you-" "Eeeaah!" the girl squealed before running away. Quinn turned to glare at her. "Squealing fool! These humans should be honored to even be _considered_ as possible friends of _Quinn!_ " she said.

She turned to look at the other three kids. "Who among you is ready to be worthy of the status of being my... best friend?" Quinn asked. The three kids smiled and shrugged their shoulders in response. "Good! Now, I have come up with some simple tests to determine who among you is worthy of being my best friend," Quinn said as she grabbed a bottle of water.

"First is the liquid absorbency test," she said as she spilled some water onto the table. She grabbed the girl with the freckles and slammed her face down onto the water. She absorbed it quickly. The other two did not do so well.

"Next," she said as she retrieved two metallic wands from her PAK and brought them together, "I shall test your electrical conductivity." She had a sadistic smile on her face as she said this, and the three kids only now started to look worried as the wands created an arc of glowing blue electricity between them. Quinn walked forward.

"Aaah!" "Oooh!" "Eeaak!" The screaming continued for a few minutes and then died down as Quinn stepped back. The bald boy and the boy with the lazy eye seemed to be almost burnt and fried, while the freckled girl was only mildly singed in some areas.

Quinn walked over to a cafeteria window and grabbed a squirrel by the neck before walking over and grabbing a pair of headphones from some shaggy-looking kid. She walked back to the three potential friends. "Now," she said with a smile, "I shall give you... the _final test._ "

"Eeaaarrrgh!" "Help!" "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" "Eeeeee!" "My spine!" "Oooaaaaaarrggh!"

Meanwhile, watching all of this were Stacey and Andrea. "Okay, how does anyone _not_ see that she's an alien? I mean, come on! Look at what she's doing," Stacey said. Andrea looked over at Quinn putting the three kids through a test. "Maybe she's just weird," Andrea said. "By the way," Andrea said, "My dad wanted me to ask you to tell your dad that waffle-specific toaster ovens are not a new invention. It would be nice if he would stop bringing it up at every meeting."

"Haaaaaaaaaaaeeelpp!" "Iiieeeeeeeeeeee!" "Aaaaaaaaaaarrrggh!"

"At least he isn't ranting about his father while he's at the lab," Stacey said. "He... he _isn't_ doing that, is he?" she asked. "I dunno," Andrea replied with a shrug.

Back at the test area, Quinn was finished. The bald boy and the lazy-eye boy were lying on the ground, almost lifeless except for their sporadic twitches and gurgles, while the freckled girl stood proud with a smile on her face. "You have passed my rigorous testing. You shall be Quinn's best friend," Quinn declared. "I-I've never been someone's best friend before," the girl said with tears in her eyes.

"Now, what is your name?" Quinn asked her. "My name's Ellie," she replied. "Now, Ellie, let us embark on a journey of... uh, friendship!" "I promise I'll the best and most loyal friend ever," Ellie said as she hugged Quinn. Quinn immediately shoved her away. "Don't touch me," she said quietly. She then grabbed Ellie by the collar of her shirt and dragged her over to the cheerleader table.

"I'd like you all to meet Ellie. She's my new best friend," Quinn declared. "That's nice," said Lisa, "Now get lost, loser. Unpopular people aren't supposed to be hanging out with the popular ones." "Very well. I shall get lost, but notice that I am getting lost _with my friend_ ," Quinn said with a smirk. "Losers," Angie muttered as Quinn and Ellie walked away.

"That was kind of mean," Brittany said to Lisa. "They're _unpopular_ , Brit. We can't associate with them. "But I hang around Daria sometimes," Brittany said. "Daria's a brain. It's okay to associate with brains every once in a while, as long as you don't do it too often," Angie said. Brittany frowned. "Yeah, because who else will help us on our really hard homework assignments and tests if we isolate them _completely?_ " Nicky asked.

Meanwhile, Stacey watched as Quinn left the cafeteria with Ellie. "Why exactly would Quinn try to make friends? Wouldn't it be more prudent to her mission to draw as little attention to herself as possible?" Stacey asked rhetorically. Andrea raised an eyebrow.

"Stacey," Daria asked, "Why do you insist on calling Quinn an alien?" "Because she _is_ an alien, Sis! And she's planning on taking over the Earth!" Jane actually snickered. "Go ahead! Laugh all you ant, but I'm telling the truth," Stacey said with her arms crossed. "If you say so," Daria said.

* * *

Throughout the rest of the day, Quinn and Ellie hung out with each other, telling jokes in view of the other students, showing each other their artwork in art class, and comparing notes in study hall. At the end of the day, as they were walking home, Quinn began to feel overwhelmed with the sheer enthusiasm that Ellie displayed.

"And then, we could go to the arcade after school tomorrow. Have you ever been to the arcade? I love it!" Ellie said. "Uh-huh, that's nice," Quinn said, not really caring.

As she finally reached the doorstep of her house, Quinn sighed and turned to Ellie. "Look, Ellie, it's been nice, but since you have served your purpose and helped to prove that I am human to the other students, I am no longer in need of your services," Quinn said. Ellie tilted her head in confusion.

"Our mission is done. Good job, soldier! Be gone with you," Quinn said as she stepped inside the house. "Hey, you got any video games?" Ellie asked her. Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Yes," she lied before closing the door. Quinn looked over at the couch where GIR was sitting, and then over to the TV. " _She stole their hearts... and then sold them online! The organ-stealing bride on the next Sick Sad World!_ "

Quinn raised an eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. She prepared to head down to the lab when she heard the phone ring. She walked over and picked it up. "Hello?" she said into the receiver. " _Hey, Quinn, how ya' doin'?_ " "Ellie? I already told you that your services are no longer required," Quinn replied. "I understand, but-" There was a beep. "Hold on, there's another call. Hello?" " _Hey, Quinn, you're gonna love the arcade!_ " Quinn's eyes widened and she placed the phone back on the holder. She quickly disconnected the RJ11 cable from the machine and took out the phone's batteries, as a precaution.

She then glanced out the window, and she saw Ellie riding a back past her house, five times in succession. Quinn's jaw dropped in horror. _She's persistent. Too persistent._ She looked over at the couch, but GIR was nowhere to be seen. "GIR!" she called out. GIR came falling down from the ceiling. Quinn glanced up quickly before looking back at GIR. "YES my master!?" GIR asked.

"I'm going down to the lab. Do not let _anyone_ into the house. Understand?" Quinn asked as she made her way over to the extra-large toilet in the kitchen. "Yes sir!" GIR said with a salute. A few minutes after Quinn descended into the base, the doorbell rang. "Leprechauns!" GIR said, clasping his hands. He then jumped into the air, doing a dramatic pose, and then put on his dog outfit.

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Residence**

"Dear Stacey and Daria, I'll be at work until nine tonight and your dad is still at the lab. There's some lasagna in fridge and I left some money for you to order a pizza or two if you want something else. Love, Mom," Stacey read out loud as she looked at the sticky note on the fridge. "Figures. Daria will be at Jane's tonight and won't be back until late, so I guess I'll be here by myself for most of the night," Stacey said with a sigh.

"A whole night with the living room TV to myself and nothing to watch but Mysterious Mysteries. Woo-hoo!" Stacey cried out in joy. "Now, where did Mom put that pizza money?" she asked herself.

* * *

**Casa Lane**

"So, do you think there's anything at all to your sister's ramblings?" Jane asked Daria. "I don't know, and I don't care," Daria replied as she lied on Jane's bed. Jane was busy making a painting of a group of fish fighting an eagle with spears. "That girl has _got_ to get at least one friend in this place, or she's gonna go nuts," Jane said.

"Like she isn't already," Daria said. "Well, she seems to get along with Andrea," Jane said. "Our dad and Andrea's dad work at the same place. It's only natural that we'd interact with each other now and then," Daria said dismissively. "Eh, I guess so," Jane said.

"So, tell me; how does it look?" Jane asked as she showed the painting to Daria. "Intriguing. What do you call it?" Daria replied. "I call it, "The Fish Fight Back, First Battle!"" Jane replied with a grin on her face. "Hmm. So, what does the second battle have?" Daria asked her. "Patience, Daria, patience. Don't rush through your meal so quickly," Jane joked. "But I'm _really_ hungry," Daria replied in turn.

"Well then, I guess you'll have to go without eating for another few days until the next one is finished," Jane said with a smirk. "I think my metabolism can handle that," Daria replied.

* * *

Date: Tuesday, September 24th, 2097

Quinn looked at the clock and began putting her disguise back on before she made her way to an elevator. She finished the final touches on her disguise before she rose from the toilet. She sniffed the air and smelled food and heard the sound of crackling. She looked around the kitchen and her jaw dropped in shock and anger. GIR was sitting at the table, eating waffles, while Ellie was at the stove, cooking bacon. "Hey, Quinn! You're just in time for the waffles!" Ellie said.

"I already told you you're fired!" Quinn snapped. She marched over and grabbed Ellie. "You don't like waffles?" Ellie asked her. "Grrr, get out of my house!" Quinn shouted as she opened the door. "Hey, we can walk to school together!" Ellie said. "I'm not going to school today. I'm sick," Quinn lied before she threw Ellie out onto the pavement. GIR quickly followed her.

"Oh man, poor Quinn. She must be really sick if she's feeling so down," Ellie said as GIR ate the bacon in the pan. "Hey, GIR, I know! We can throw a surprise party to cheer her up!" Ellie said. GIR squealed in delight. "But you have to keep it a secret, okay GIR? You can't tell Quinn!"

GIR nodded his head. "Okay. I'm gonna get some of the other kids from school to come to the party this afternoon. Quinn will be so happy!" Ellie exclaimed as she ran home.

* * *

Quinn flipped through the channels on the TV. " _Don't wear this dress with those shoes!_ " "Pff, garbage," Quinn muttered. " _What I'm trying to say,_ _ **Sir**_ _, is that he was like no man... I've ever_ _ **seen!**_ " Click. " _Call Marge's Carpet Cleaners at_ -" Click. " _Ruun! Go! Get to da choppa!_ " Click. " _Grant, welcome to Jurassic_ -" Click. " _-tried the rest, now try the best!_ " Click. " _-to Bloaty's Pizza Hog! We got games, we_ -" Click.

"This is just _sad_ ," Quinn said. She flipped back a few channels to the one with that old man in the white outfit. "Well, this looks _somewhat_ interesting.

Two hours later, GIR walked in the door. The movie had ended and Quinn looked over as GIR held a bag to one side as he walked to the kitchen. Quinn raised an eyebrow. She observed GIR as he slowly made his way into the kitchen and plopped the bag on the table, before it fell over and spilled its contents, all of which were party supplies.

"GIR," Quinn said curiously, "What exactly are you... doing?" GIR looked up at Quinn before collapsing onto his hands and knees, taking the head of his dog disguise off. "Oh, you're too smart for me! Ellie is planning a surprise party and she's gonna bring all the kids here after school because she loves you! That girl loves you _**so much!**_ " GIR cried. "I'm making a cake!" he then cried happily.

"Here? She's bringing all of the kids from school _here!?_ " Quinn cried out in alarm. "No. This is bad. This is **very bad!** " she cried out in horror. If the kids arrived in her home, then she would be found out for sure. Then she would be captured and paraded around in a giant glass jar while people danced around her in mockery.

"Do you realize what this means, GIR!?" Quinn asked her robot. "Yes!" GIR said as he began mixing ingredients into a bowl. "Wait a minute... no," he said. "It _means_ that our mission is in jeopardy!" Quinn exclaimed. "Aw, man!" GIR replied, not quite as worried as Quinn was about the situation.

"Why does she see me as her only friend? There are plenty of other dirt-children at the school to hang around! Can't she see that I don't like her? That her services are not required!?" she ranted. "Why can't she _**see!?**_ " It was then that Quinn got an idea. She got wonderful, _horrible_ idea. Quinn looked over at the clock. There was still time to make preparations. If she worked quickly, then she could finish just before before school let out.

* * *

**Later, At Lawndale High School...**

"Hey, guys," Ellie chirped as she walked over to Daria and Jane. "Um... hi," Jane said. "I'm throwing a surprise party for Quinn today after school. She's sick, so I'm hoping to cheer her up! Wanna come?" Ellie asked them enthusiastically. "Um, actually... we kind of already have plans this afternoon, and we can't exactly back out so quickly. We'll be sure to pass the message along, though," Jane said.

"Oh. Okay. Well, thanks for your support!" Ellie said before she walked away. "What was _that_ all about?" Jane asked rhetorically. "If we just ignore it, maybe it will go away," Daria said flatly. "Do you mean Ellie or the enthusiasm?" "Yes," Daria replied mathematically. "Besides, I don't need my sister to go nuts and harp on me for hanging around "the enemy" as she calls Quinn," Daria added with a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Yeah, I can see how that would be too much trouble. Well, you can always stay at my place after she disowns you for your treachery," Jane said with a smirk. "You're too kind," Daria replied with a smirk of her own. "I know."

* * *

Quinn adjusted the setting on her plasma welding torch before lowering the protective mask and visor over her face once more. She resumed her task as she kept careful watch of the time.

* * *

The Fashion Club shook their heads as they turned down Ellie's offer to go to Quinn's house for a surprise party. Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie also turned down the offer, following the heels of Sandi and the rest of the Fashion Club. Mack and Jodie both reluctantly turned down the offer, citing their various after-school activities.

The cheerleaders all, unsurprisingly, turned down the invitation as well. The kids in the school news room turned down the invitation, as did several other kids, until Ellie ran into the so-called rejects whom she had been sitting with at lunch the previous day. None of them turned down the invitation.

"I've never invited to a party before," said the bald boy with a mixture of enthusiasm and nervousness at the prospect. Ellie smiled at her success. "Quinn will be so happy!" she exclaimed joyously.

* * *

Quinn looked over at the clock, her eyes widening as she saw what time it was. She only had one hour left before school let out. "Just a few more minutes," she said to herself. "Just a few more minutes and it'll be ready," Quinn said.

* * *

Finally, the bell rang and school was let out. All of the students who walked home began to leave the building, while the students who rode the bus waited for their buses to be announced over the PA system. " **PAAAAAAAAARRRRRRTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!** " Ellie cried out as she and the other kids exited the school.

* * *

"Done!" Quinn shouted as she looked down at her device. She looked up at the clock. "Just in time," she said with a smirk. "He-he. Ha-ha! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaa-[cough]-ah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaaa!"

* * *

"There's her house!" Ellie exclaimed as she pointed at the weird green house with purple windows. The other kids looked at the house with a slight sense of trepidation, but otherwise they continued moving forward. Soon, after they reached the fence, Ellie turned and told every to stop.

"Okay, you guys wait out here while I go get her. Then, after I bring her outside, you guys can jump out and yell, "surprise!" She'll be so happy," Ellie said wistfully before she turned around and ran up to the front door. She found that the front door was unlocked, and so she let herself inside.

The inside of the house was dark, especially over by the doorway of the kitchen, where Quinn stood, holding a package in her hands. She had a gleam in her eyes that Ellie mistook for happiness at seeing her, although the smile on Quinn's face did nothing to deter that assumption. Ellie ran forward.

"Is that for me?" Ellie asked her. Quinn nodded her head silently as Ellie took the package and began to unwrap it. "Oh, Quinn, you shouldn't have!" she said. "Believe me; you've proven yourself worthy," Quinn said somewhat cryptically. "Oh, thank you so much, Quinn!" Ellie said with glee as she finished unwrapping the package.

Inside of the box was a large purple sphere, out of which two arms with pincers attached extended outward before readying themselves. Ellie looked at them in confusion, before they shot forward at lightning fast speed and clamped around her eyes. She screamed as the claws yanked her eyes out of her sockets, until they retreated into the sphere and reappeared with new, cybernetic eyes that were forcefully shoved back into her sockets, replacing her old eyes. She then dropped the box to the floor and stared into space.

During this time, Quinn had maneuvered so that she was behind Ellie. "Ellie..." Quinn said in a commanding tone. "Yes?" Ellie asked as the programming of the eyes began to take over her brain. "Who's your best friend?" Quinn asked. "That would be Quinn. Today, she got me-" "Silence!" Quinn snapped. "When I snap my fingers, you will believe the first living thing that you see to be your best friend," Quinn said as she made sure that Ellie was facing away from her.

"I like Quinn," Ellie said. "I know you do, but pay attention!" Quinn said darkly, with a hint of annoyance in her voice as four long metallic spidery legs extended from her PAK and hoisted her into the air, taking her up to the ceiling to ensure that she remained out of Ellie's line of sight. She then snapped her fingers.

Ellie rubbed at her eyes and looked around the living room. "What happened?" she asked in confusion. She then looked over at the nearest window and came under a trance. She began moving forward towards her best friend. Outside, on top of a lawn gnome, was a squirrel. In her eyes, the squirrel transformed into Quinn and began running away.

"Quinn? How'd you get outside?" Ellie asked as she opened the door and ran outside. "Ha-ha!" Quinn yelled from her spot. "Foolish humans and their friendship! Invader's need no one! **No one!** " she exclaimed victoriously, until the spider legs lost their grip and she fell face-first onto the floor. "Ow," she muttered.

Back outside, Ellie chased the squirrel into the middle of the group of kids. "Hey guys, this is Quinn!" Ellie said. The black tubby boy was fairly certain that Quinn was a teenage girl with a skin condition and a proclivity for random shouting, not a squirrel. Still, he kept his mouth shut, just in case. The other three kids, including the girl with glasses and braces, and the bald boy and the lazy-eye boy, all kept their mouths shut as well.

"It's Quinn!" Ellie exclaimed as she pointed at the squirrel, chasing it as it ran away. "Forget this weirdo," the tubby black boy said. "You guys wanna see something _really neat?_ " he asked as he began to untie his shoes. The braces girl shrieked and ran away.

Meanwhile, Ellie had chased the squirrel onto the fence, balancing herself on it carefully. "Hey, I'm hungry. Can I get some of that?" she asked the squirrel, who had found an acorn. The visage of Quinn looked at her. " _No,_ " she heard it say. The squirrel ran up to the top of the roof, with Ellie close behind.

After being cornered, the squirrel turned around and launched itself at Ellie. She cried out as the squirrel tackled her, eventually sending both of them falling off of the roof and onto the ground below. There was a small explosion as the two hit the ground, with smoke rising into the air. The squirrel had won.

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora.


	4. Parent Teacher Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humans have parents. Be they alive, dead, married, divorced, adopted, surrogate, in-laws, or other-wise, humans have parents. Irkens, however, are genetically engineered and grown in hatcheries under the surface of their home world. In order to better infiltrate Human society, Quinn must bring her robot "parents" to school for Parent-Teacher Night. What could possibly go wrong?

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-004: Parent Teacher Night

* * *

Date: Thursday, September 26th, 2097 

Quinn rolled her eyes as she listened to Mr. Deckard, one of the science teachers at Lawndale High, hand out the class's homework assignment. "Remember, this is due by Monday. You have tomorrow and the rest of the weekend to work on it, so no excuses for not having it done," Mr. Deckard said.

"Yes _sir_ ," Quinn remarked. Quinn looked up at the clock. There were five minutes until the bell would ring and school would let out. Before that could happen, however, Principal Angela Li burst into the classroom, her breathing ragged. "Ahem," she said as she composed herself.

"Just a reminder: tomorrow night is Parent Teacher Night. All students will be required to bring at least one of their parents or legal guardians with them to the school. Attendance is mandatory. Failure to show up will result in a one day suspension," she said. "Um, why don't you just use the PA system to tell us this?" Stacey asked the principal. "It isn't working properly today," she said.

"It was working fine this morning," Stacey noted. Principal Li narrowed her eyes at Stacey in contempt. "They may have been working this morning, but they aren't working right now," she reiterated. "Once again, attendance is mandatory," Li said. "Why is it mandatory?" Quinn asked her. "Because it is. Besides, you agreed to it already anyway," Li said.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Um... _what?_ I don't recall ever agreeing to this," she retorted. "Oh, really? Allow me to refresh your memory," Li said as she retrieved a remote from Mr. Deckard's desk. She pressed a button and a ceiling tile moved out of the way as a TV screen descended and came to life.

" _Quinn? Are you going to bring your parents to Parent Teacher Night this Friday?_ " Miss Bitters' asked in the recording. " _Yeah, sure, whatever,_ " Quinn had replied. The TV screen then ascended back into the ceiling, and Principal Li handed the remote back to Mr. Deckard. "Why would you record that?" Quinn asked her.

"That's not important," Li said dismissively. "What _is_ important is that you agreed to something that was already mandatory anyway, and you can't back out of it," Li added with a smirk. Quinn wanted right then and there to vaporize Principal Li where she stood. Only the fear of outing herself prevented her from doing so.

"Heh, I'll bet you don't even know what parents _are_ ," Stacey sniped. Quinn narrowed her eyes at the girl. As much as Principal Li and many of the other humans at Lawndale High got on her nerves, Stacey Morgendorffer was constantly proving herself to be the single greatest thorn in her side out of any of them. Of course, the fact that Stacey knew where Quinn lived also made her the most dangerous of them.

"Miss Morgendorffer," Principal Li said, "That comment was _highly inappropriate._ " "Yes, Ma'am," Stacey said with a frown. "Yeah," Quinn chimed in. "Besides, I know what parents are! I have parents," she said. "Robots don't count," Stacey said. "Miss Morgendorffer!" Principal Li snapped. "Eeep!" Stacey squeaked. That was when the bell finally rang.

* * *

At Quinn's base, in the front lawn, a saleswoman walked forward with a briefcase full of perfume and other beauty products. She took out her makeup mirror and checked herself out just before ringing the doorbell. He appearance was within regulations and it was attractive enough to keep the attention of the potential customers.

After ringing the door bell, she waited for a few seconds before it opened, revealing a man with a pipe in his mouth and a blue polo sweater. His legs appeared to have been replaced by prosthetic wheels. He must have either been in the military or had experiences a horrific accident at some point, the saleswoman mused.

"Welcome home, daughter!" the man said almost mechanically. "Oh, um, is the lady of the house in?" the saleswoman asked. Suddenly, the man's wife appeared right next to him. She had suspenders on, and she also had two prosthetic wheel legs as opposed to her husband's one joined leg. Her hair was curly, and there was a toothbrush in her right hand.

"That's me! I am house lady, brush your teeth!" she said strangely. GIR, wearing his dog disguise, walked by the robot parents' legs, before he glanced at the briefcase the saleswoman was holding. It had the word "makeup" written on it. GIR stopped walking and stared at the briefcase.

"Um, I'm selling makeup, and I just know that you'll find something-" "I _said_ brush your teeth!" Robo-Mom yelled as she lunged forward, tackling the saleswoman. GIR watched the scene with interest.

* * *

Walking home from school, Quinn thought about Stacey's words. _Of course I know what parents are. I just... well I'm a military-class Irken! We don't have parents, just selected genes and DNA sequences taken from a large archived collection and mixed together by computerized systems. Irken soldiers and invaders have no need for families. We... we just don't_ , she thought to herself.

 _Besides, that cold unfeeling robot arm was more than enough of a parental substitute from the moment I was hatched from my incubation capsule_ , Quinn thought, remembering back when she was but a mere smeet who had just been given life after her PAK had been attached to her and fused to her spine. The robot parents would be necessary for the Parent Teacher Night thing, but upon reflection of their abilities and... shortcomings, Quinn realized that they would have to receive upgraded programming in order to properly interact with the other humans at the school on Friday night.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a commotion up ahead. As she got closer, she saw the source of the disturbance. Robo-Mom was trying to forcefully brush some woman's teeth while holding her down on the ground. Quinn rushed over as the woman swung her briefcase at Robo-Mom's face, knocking the machine away.

The woman quickly got up and ran away as fast as she could. "Wait!" GIR exclaimed as he ran after her, "I need stuff!" Quinn grabbed Robo-Mom and dragged her into the house, while Robo-Dad maneuvered himself out of the way. Quinn let go of Robo-Mom, who righted herself and rolled into the kitchen, while Robo-Dad sped backward into the wall.

"Hey, sweetie! You want some dinner?" Robo-Mom asked before she dumped a bag of flour on Quinn's head. Quinn growled in frustration and anger. _This confirms it; the robot parents need to be upgraded NOW_ , she thought to herself. "GIR!" she shouted. After a minute, the green dog flew into the house. There was lipstick and eye-liner all over GIR's dog disguise. "Prepare the robot parents for their upgrades!" Quinn commanded. "Yes sir, right away!" GIR said with a salute.

* * *

Daria and Stacey both entered the house, with Jane in tow, to find that their mother had actually come home early. Helen Morgendorffer had just ended a call on her cell phone when the trio had entered the house. "Oh, hi Daria, hi Stacey! Hello, Jane," Helen said to the girls. "Hey, Missus M," Jane said. "Jane, please, call me Helen," Helen requested. "Uh... sure," Jane said.

"Uh, hey Mom," Stacey began, "Um, Parent Teacher Night is this Friday. Attendance is mandatory, as usual. I was wondering-" "Your father will have to go. I have a meeting tomorrow and it could mean the difference between being a partner and remaining stagnate," Helen said apologetically. "But you know that if Dad goes, he'll probably start going on a rant about his father if someone says the wrong thing! We don't want to have to deal with _that!_ " Stacey exclaimed.

"Look, I wish I could go, I really do, but I've been working on this case for months now. Eric just called and informed me of the meeting before you got home," Helen said. "Um... doesn't Dad have to work late at the lab tomorrow?" Daria asked. "He'll probably send one of those hover-screens so that he can be present while staying at the lab," Helen said before she turned around and walked into the kitchen.

"Right," Daria said. "Hmm, well, at least you guys will _have_ a parent going there. I'm gonna have to convince Trent to wake his ass up tomorrow after school so that he can at least come with me as a legal guardian," Jane said. "I think that my parents have actually only been home three times this year, and probably only for a total of four weeks combined, unless I'm doing the math wrong, which wouldn't be unusual for me," Jane continued, using a mask of sarcasm to cover her bitterness.

"Hey, maybe we'll finally get to meet Andrea's father... or mother. I'm still curious about her last name," Daria said. "You ever heard the saying about that cat?" Jane asked her. "Yes, but there will be dozens, if not hundreds, of witnesses there at the school. You can't possibly kill me _and_ all of them to keep a secret," Daria replied with her Mona Lisa smile. "I can try," Jane joked with a smirk.

* * *

Andrea walked into the kitchen, sat her backpack down on a chair at the table, and opened the fridge door. "Same as usual," she muttered before grabbing a root beer. She opened the can and began chugging it. "I do hope that you plan on closing that door sometime soon," came the voice of her mother. She looked at the older woman. Tall, with short-cropped dark blue/black hair, purple eyes, a mole beneath her left eye, and a slender-looking figure that hid her musculature, Takara Membrane stared at her daughter with a bemused look on her face.

"I was going to... eventually," Andrea sad before she pushed the fridge door shut. "Eight-hundred-and-thirty-seven," Takara said. As far as Andrea could remember, her mother had always had a distinctive European accent of some kind, although she had never been able to properly identify it. Her mother was currently wearing her business suit, a clear indicator that she had arrived only shortly before her.

"Why do you keep count?" Andrea asked her mother. "Because I can," Takara replied with a smirk. "Also... you should already know by now that you're supposed to shut the fridge door after retrieving your intended amount of food and/or beverage," she added with a smug smile on her lips. She had played this game with her daughter well over a hundred times before, and she would continue to do so until the girl learned.

Takara walked over and opened the fridge door, before retrieving a container of fried chicken. She closed the fridge door immediately after retrieving the food. She then began preparing two plates, for herself and her daughter. "Did you notice the wrapped container of homemade macaroni in there?" Takara asked her daughter.

"Is that what that was?" Andrea asked her. "Well, it should be after it's heated up a second time; the macaroni, I mean. Your father's food is only ever good after the second time it's been cooked. Usually, anyway," Takara said as she placed the plates of chicken in the microwave one at a time, finally depositing both plates on the table.

"So, anything new at school?" Takara asked her daughter. "Mmm, nothing much new. Uh, tomorrow is Parent Teacher Night at the school. Attendance is mandatory, and students have to bring either a parent or a legal guardian with them, or else they suffer one of Miss Li's suspensions," Andrea said before digging in to her food.

"Doesn't Miss Li realize that if everyone decides to not show up, she can't possibly enforce her insane rules and punishments? I mean, why don't your fellow students just decide to go to school anyway? You know that the punishment doesn't fit the supposed crime, so there's really nothing wrong with disobeying it," Takara said between bites of food.

"Miss Li's rules," Andrea said. "Hmph! If I were there, I'd just keep going to classes regardless, and any time that stink-beast Li decides to punish me for not attending one of her idiotic assemblies or student group things, I'd ignore her and smile before going about my business," Takara said with a smile.

"Yeah, right. Like you could actually get away with that," she said. "If I could, I would. School is supposed to be an institution of learning, not a prison. Besides, Angela Li is dumber than half of the pig-smellies that your father and I went to high school with back when we were your age," Takara said.

That was another thing that had sometimes given Andrea pause. When she was a little girl, her mother had always used strange idioms and phrases, many of which she ended up using herself. Of course, when other children and teachers became weirded out and offended, and then took disciplinary action, it came to Andrea's attention that her mother's way of speaking was not normal. Her father, despite his eccentricity, was far more within the realm of normal than her mother, although he was also a social outcast when he was in school, and he still was in some circles.

"You're, um, doing it again," Andrea said. "Hmm? Oh, the phrases," Takara said. "I thought that since we were both inside the comfort of our own home, I could speak more at ease than if we were outside, but I suppose that isn't the case," she said. "No, I just... I just noticed it is all," Andrea said. She and her mother were usually on good terms, although now and then her mother could become... not violent, but rather aggressive in her own unique way, never to the point that she would hurt anyone, or at least not her husband and daughter, but there were times that Takara reminded Andrea of some kind of predatory animal, observing its prey or a territorial creature reacting to a challenge.

Andrea had displayed similar behavior when she was younger, and still did now, although in a much more subdued manner befitting of her Gothic attire and attitude. Her mother had not reacted to her decision to embrace goth in the way that she had expected, but instead had been rather... indifferent to it. She didn't support it, but she didn't outright reject it either.

"So, do you want me or your father to attend Parent Teacher Night?" Takara asked her daughter. "Either one of you will work," Andrea said. "That was a trick question. I'm the only one available tomorrow, since your father has a rather... volatile experiment that he's working on. What time does it start?" Takara asked her. "Seven O'clock PM," Andrea replied.

"Hmm, want to arrive fashionably early?" Takara asked with a chuckle. "Personally, I'd rather not go at all, but again, it's mandatory," Andrea said. "Yep, and you're gonna be stuck with me for the rest of tomorrow night," Takara said with a grin. "Yay," Andrea said flatly.

* * *

**Deep Within The Bowels Of Quinn's Base...**

Quinn scanned the data on the screen in front of her. Most of it was based on observations that she'd made in the past few weeks that she'd been on Earth. She would need much more comprehensive information regarding human social behavior in order to properly upgrade the robot parents' programming.

"Computer!" Quinn called out. " **Yes, Quinn?** " the computer's voice asked. "Begin compiling research data regarding proper social behavior for humans and human parents. I want it to be enough that the robot parents will be able to function properly at the Parent Teacher thing tomorrow without blowing our cover," Quinn said.

" **Yes, Quinn,** " the computer said. "And make sure that the data only pertains to _Humans_. I don't want data from another race or species getting mixed in there and causing problems," Quinn specified. " **Understood, Quinn,** " the computer replied.

"Now, while the computer is conducting the research and compiling the data, I shall be preparing... memories and stuff for them to reference if anyone probes for _personal_ information," Quinn said to herself. She took a data tablet from a cupboard and began typing a list of false memories and incidents for the robot parents, to make their behavior seem more... _human_.

* * *

Date: Friday, September 27th, 2097

" _Failure to rotate stock destroys merchandise_ ," said a male voice on one of dozens of monitors facing the robot parents. Quinn had both robot parents strapped into chairs while they watched several dozen monitors. Their eyelids were held open by small hooks to prevent them from missing anything.

GIR, wearing his dog disguise, walked forward and looked at the various programming being displayed. "Oh, this is my favorite show! No, this is my favorite show! Oh, _this_ is my favorite sho~ow!" he said joyously as he watched a commercial. A man was walking on a sidewalk, accompanied by pleasant music, until he winced and grabbed his back. " _Aaahh! My_ _ **SPINE!**_ " he screamed, before falling on his back and foaming at the mouth while writhing around on the ground in painful spasms.

The word "ASPIRIN" appeared on the screen. Quinn narrowed her eyes at the screens and then walked over to a terminal. She inserted a disc into a slot and the screens were replaced by the image of a human family. "GIR, make sure that they watch the entire video," Quinn said as she left the room, leaving GIR in charge.

She made her way to an elevator and headed up to the main level of the house, putting on her disguise as she prepared to go to school. She would retrieve the robot parents after she returned home later. Unfortunately, she forgot that she had left GIR in charge of making sure that the robot parents watched the video.

Back down in the base, the flaw in Quinn's plan soon became apparent, as GIR was quickly becoming bored with the video being shown on all of the monitor screens. GIR soon began switching the input on several of the screens, showing movies and TV shows that had almost no relation to the instructional video.

" _Next on Martial Art theater, it's Poke of Doom!_ " GIR watched the various shows and movies with interest. " _Are you tired of dirty stains on your clothes?_ " " _I sure like burritos, but they don't like me!_ _ **Diarrhea!**_ _Buy-_ " " _After the siege and capture of Tehran in 2017, Iran was no longer able to watch on the sidelines as the Islamic State continued its-_ " " _Nasal reconstruction, courtesy of Dr. Shar!_ " " _Brings out the vibrancy in your hair with amino-_ " " _They're under the ground, Burt! They're under the ground!_ " " _Oh, sweet mystery of life, I have found yooouuuu!_ "

The robot parents watched, with forced open eyes as all sorts of unnecessary and horrible drivel was fed to them by the TV channels. The parenting video was only playing on a single monitor screen now. GIR leaned back against a large hose and watched the videos. "I love this shooooowww."

* * *

"So, are you ready for your robots to expose you tonight?" Stacey asked Quinn as she passed her in the hallway. Quinn chuckled. "For your information, Earth-Girl, I have already begun reprogramming them. By the time they arrive tonight, their behavior will be flawless, and the rest of the Earth-monkeys will be none the wiser," she said with a smirk.

"We'll see about that," Stacey said. "After all, the wheels on their feet-" "Can be explained away as prosthetics they gained after a horrific accident," Quinn interrupted her. "You clearly underestimate me, Stacey. I am an invader, one of the elite of the Irken military," Quinn said with a wicked smile.

Stacey gulped. "Your ruse won't fool _everyone_ , Quinn. I'm not the only person smart enough to see through your disguise," Stacey said darkly. "True, but it has become quite apparent here that most people think that you're crazy. No one has believed anything you've said about me so far, so why should they start now?" Quinn replied before walking away.

* * *

Quinn quickly made her way to the chamber where the robot parents were waiting. They both rolled out, not appearing any different then usual. "Are you ready to go, dear?" Robo-Mom asked her. "Yes," Quinn replied with a satisfied smile. "It's so nice to spend time with our girl when we can," Robo-Dad said. "Yes," Quinn said again.

"It sure issssssssssssssssssssss," Robo-Mom said, causing Quinn to raise an eyebrow slightly in suspicion. Still, the robot parents were behaving much more convincingly now, so a little thing like that wasn't really a big deal. "Very well then. Let us head to the school!" Quinn declared. The robot parents stared at her as she began walking away.

_I love this shoooooowwwww._

* * *

**Lawndale High School...**

Stacey walked next to Daria as they made their way inside the cafeteria. A hover screen was floating above them, showing their father's face. "See Jane anywhere?" Daria asked Stacey as she looked around. "Uh, yeah, over there," Stacey said as she pointed to the punch bowl.

Before Daria could make her way over to Jane, Mr. O'Neill walked over. "Hello, Daria, Stacey. Hello, Mr. Morgendorffer!" O'Neill said. " _Hello!_ " Jake said through the screen's speakers as he waved. "So, you weren't able to be here with your daughters in person?" O'Neill asked him.

" _No. I have to be here at the lab tonight. There's a very important, and highly volatile experiment we're conducting right now. All of the most experienced people need to be here to make sure it goes through smoothly,_ " Jake replied. "Huh. Was Mrs. Morgendorffer not able to attend?" O'Neill asked.

"She had to be at a meeting tonight," Daria said. "Oh. You know, my parents used to be that way sometimes," Mr. O'Neill said. " _Yeah! You know, my dad was never there for me, either. Always had to make poor Jakey do everything by himself! Poor Jakey was never allowed to have help! Asking for help was a sign of weakness! Poor Jakey had to-_ " " _Dammit, Morgendorffer, no ranting!_ " came the voice of another male as Daria and Stacey saw a man with a scythe-like crop of hair and goggles walk over to Jake.

" _Yes, Professor Membrane,_ " Jake said ashamedly. " _Now, hopefully I won't have to keep watching you while I try to keep this experiment going_ _ **and**_ _keep up with whoever my daughter and wife talk to at the parent teacher thing,_ " Professor Dib Membrane said. " _Well, it's just-_ " " _Jake,_ " Dib said dangerously. " _Yes, Dib,_ " Jake replied.

"Um, out of curiosity, Professor Membrane," Daria said before the man could walk away, "Is your daughter attending this particular parent teacher meeting?" " _Why yes, actually,_ " Dib replied with a smile. "Oh. What's her name?" Daria asked him. " _Andrea. She's going through a goth phase right now,_ " Dib replied. " _Now, I need to get back to my own little terminal and keep up with Takara and Andrea!_ "

"Takara?" Stacey asked. "That must be his wife," Daria said. "I'm gonna go get Jane and see if we can find Andrea. There _might_ be something interesting to talk about after all tonight," Daria said. "Sure, leave me all alone with Dad and Mr. O'Neill," Stacey complained.

"Hey, Miss Morgendorffer," Calvin Deckard said as he walked over. The hover screen turned so that Jake could face him. "Hi, I'm Mr. Deckard. I'm Stacey's physics teacher," Calvin said.

Daria saw Andrea talking to Jane at the refreshment table. "Hey, Jane. Hey Andrea... Membrane," Daria said. Andrea's eyes shot wide open. "How did you find out?" she asked, sending a glare at Jane. "Your dad was trying to stop my dad from going on a rant on his hover screen. Your dad revealed that his wife and daughter were here, said your name, and I put the pieces together," Daria explained.

"Hmm... okay," Andrea said. "So, why exactly is it that you don't want people to know your last name?" Daria asked her. "I don't want to ride on my parents' name to get anywhere in life. After all, Membrane Science Industries is a huge technological empire, and while I'm sure that I would probably get a job as soon as I'm out of high school or college, my mother and father both want me to try to do things on my own. My mom especially wants me to be self-sufficient," Andrea explained.

"Huh, where is your mom?" Jane asked her. "She's right over there," Andrea said, pointing at her mother talking to Ms. Janet Barch. The she-devil was shrieking about her ex-husband again, and Takara had a mildly annoyed look on her face. "And again, after twenty-two years of servitude to that pig, I-" "Look, I really don't care," Takara said tersely.

"I've been listening to you bitch and moan for twenty minutes, and I'm honestly surprised that no one here has bothered to put a muzzle over your mouth yet," Takara said. Janet Barch just stared at her. "What? You seem surprised that people don't enjoy listening to you complain about your ex-husband for hours on end," Takara said with a smirk. "Anyway, I see that my daughter has made some acquaintances. I'm going to go meet them," Takara said with a dismissive wave as she walked away from Miss Barch.

"Here she comes," Andrea said as Takara approached the table. She grabbed herself a cup of punch. "So, Andrea, who are your friends?" Takara asked her daughter. "Well, we don't really know each other all _that_ well," Andrea said. "Really? I could've sworn I've seen that black-haired girl here a few times around town. But you," Takara said, looking at Daria, "I believe are most definitely new."

"I just moved here during the summer," Daria said. "Ah. I see. So, what are your names?" Takara asked them. "I'm, uh, Jane," Jane said. Takara's gaze was like a hawk, piercing through them and calculating every move. "Is the 'uh' part of it?" Takara asked her. "No," Jane replied quickly. "And your name?" she asked again. "Daria," Daria replied.

"Hmm, last name?" Takara asked. "Morgendorffer," Daria replied. "Oh, you must be related to Jake Morgendorffer. He works at the lab with my husband," Takara said. "So I've gathered. Andrea here has actually asked me and Stacey to ask Dad to stop ranting at the lab," Daria said. "Oh, so he's the one Dib complains about?" Takara asked.

"Complains?" Daria asked her. "Oh yes. Dib comes home sometimes with a look of frustration and annoyance, and when I ask he'll tell me about this man who always rants about how horrible his childhood was and how he hates his father and whatnot," Takara explained. "That sounds about right," Daria said. "So he's _not_ exaggerating?" Takara asked with a look of surprise on her face. "Sadly, no," Daria replied.

"I feel so sorry for you," Takara said. Daria raised an eyebrow. "You have to live with that ranting almost everyday, I presume?" she asked. Daria nodded her head. "That is why I feel sorry for you," Takara said. "So, Mrs. Membrane, what kind of experiments are going on in that lab anyway?" Jane asked her.

"That's kind of secret, although it does involve energy sources. That's all I desire to reveal," Takara said with a smirk. "All that you _desire_ to reveal?" Daria asked her. Takara nodded her head. "So... you _could_ say more, but you simply choose not to," Daria surmised. "That's correct. Now, I believe I see something _entertaining_ going on over there, where that man with the bulging eye is speaking with that other man and the boy wearing shoulder pads," Takara said as she walked away.

"Well, she seems... interesting," Daria said. "Yeah. Just wait till your sister meets my father. I'm sure that they'll both get along just great," Andrea said. Daria and Jane looked at her. "I'm not kidding. You know that paranormal stuff your sister is into? My dad was the exact same way when he was her age," Andrea said. "Say, where is your dad's hover screen?" Jane asked her.

"Over there," Andrea said, pointing at the hovering screen that was talking to Stacey. "Do we dare go over and listen to them?" Jane asked. "No. We'll just let them talk to each other. If you want, I can give Stacey to you as an adopted sister, but it'll cost you at least ten million dollars," Daria said flatly, although she was in fact joking. Stacey didn't annoy her very much, and both sisters actually got along rather well most of the time.

"What about nine-point-five million?" Andrea asked jokingly. "Sorry, but I don't haggle," Daria replied. "So... you and Stacey get to see your parents very often?" Andrea asked Daria curiously. "Usually in the morning, but otherwise we don't see them till after night has fallen," Daria replied.

"How often do you see _your_ parents?" Daria asked Andrea in return. "I see both of them in the morning, like you, but I see my mom far more frequently when I come home than I see my dad. He tries to be home as often as he can, but his latest experiment has been taking up a lot of his time, though."

"Huh. I only see my parents a handful of times a year," Jane said. "They're always abroad or out of the country doing all kinds of art stuff. I know that my dad does a lot of photography, but my mom does pottery and other things with necklaces and... I don't know. Most of my family is scattered to the four winds, but when they do come home, I really can only stand them in small doses," Jane said.

"What about your grandparents?" Daria asked her. "Paternal or Maternal?" Jane asked her with a smirk. "Either way, I've got more than I'd like. I really don't like spending time around my extended family very much. They're all insane," Jane said. "Hmm. My grandfather is still around, somewhere," Andrea said.

"Oh, Professor Membrane Senior?" Jane asked her. "Uh-huh. He comes to visit now and then, always wearing his lab coat and goggles. It's like he doesn't know how to take them off, or they're the only clothes that he has or something," Andrea said. "What about your maternal grandparents?" Daria asked her. "I don't have any. Mom doesn't talk about it very much. Whenever I ask, she just says that she can't remember them. I guess they must've either abandoned her or died when she was younger," Andrea said.

**Meanwhile...**

" _And then the FBI thought I was crazy when I talked about the ninja ghost bunny in the toilet,_ " Dib said. "I had the same problem once, except my sister actually believed me when I showed her proof of it. My mom and dad didn't believe either of us, though," Stacey said. " _Huh,_ " Dib said.

"No one really believes me about anything. Like how Quinn is an alien, despite how obvious it is," Stacey said. " _Quinn?_ " Dib asked her. "Yeah, he has green skin and no ears, and uses really strange phrases, like Earth-monkey and worm-baby and dirt-child," Stacey explained. Dib's eyes widened in shock and recognition.

" _Green skin and no ears. Are you, uh, sure that isn't just a... skin condition?_ " Dib asked her hesitantly. "That's what she claims, but I don't buy it for a second. She's an alien," Stacey said firmly. Dib's eyes widened again when he saw someone standing in the doorway of the cafeteria, along with two people flanking them.

It was a girl with long orange hair, green skin, no visible ears, obvious contact lenses, a purple and pink striped shirt that was extremely familiar and long black pants, along with black gloves on her hands, which curiously had three digits instead of five.

" _I haven't seen anyone with a disguise that poor for almost twenty-five years,_ " Dib said, causing Stacey to raise an eyebrow before she turned around to look at Quinn. "Quinn," Stacey said with a frown. The robot parents looked more composed than usual, and Quinn had a smug smile on her face as she looked around the cafeteria.

Quinn walked over to where Principal Li was standing, followed by her parents. "Ahem," she said, getting the woman's attention. "These are my parents. I love them with all my heart," Quinn said before walking away. Robo-Mom's head rolled around with a dazed look while Robo-Dad twitched a few times. Quinn walked over to the refreshment table.

"So... you're Quinn, right?" Quinn looked over and saw Daria and Jane, with Andrea. "That is my name, yes," Quinn replied. "Hmm, maybe my sister is onto something," Daria said as she looked at the robot parents. _I mean, seriously, those are clearly... well, robots. And looking at Quinn... aw hell. I hate being wrong. Stacey was right about this, just like she was about that toilet ghost thing_ , Daria thought to herself.

"And those... robots over there? They somehow conceived you and gave birth to you, explaining your skin condition?" Daria asked her. Quinn raised an eyebrow. "Well? Those are obviously robots," Daria said. "You wouldn't be related to Stacey Morgendorffer by any chance, would you?" Quinn asked Daria. "I'm her older sister," Daria replied.

"So, you've seen through my disguise, as your sister has, but you've yet to try to stop me," Quinn said. "I don't share any classes with you, and as far as I'm concerned, you're Stacey's problem, not mine," Daria responded. "So, only two humans are able to see through my disguise, and neither of you are really capable of stopping me," Quinn said smugly. "Um, we're standing right here," Jane said, motioning to both herself and Andrea.

"Huh?" Quinn asked as she realized that there were indeed two other people at the refreshment table. "So, are all three of you going to join Stacey in her attempts to expose me?" Quinn asked them. "Eh, probably not," Jane replied. "Good," Quinn said. "You already know your place." "Excuse me?" Andrea asked. "Listen, Quinn, the only reason we aren't doing anything against you is because we honestly thought that Stacey was crazy until you revealed yourself to us," she said.

"Yeah, and anyway, I really don't see you as being that much of a threat to Earth. I mean, our species already does a good enough job of destroying itself on an almost yearly basis, so anything that you do probably won't even register," Daria said. "Well then, that only makes it easier for me to do my job, Stacey-sister," Quinn said. "My name is _Daria,_ " Daria said.

"Fine, _Daria,_ " Quinn said before getting herself a cup of punch and drinking it. "Hmm, this has a nice taste to it," she said to herself. "So, did you build those robots for this occasion or are they standard issue to... whatever you are?" Jane asked Quinn. " _I_ am an invader; a member of the Irken elite! I shall be preparing your planet for conquest by the Irken Empire as part of Operation Impending Doom Two," Quinn said.

"Okay. How many planets were conquered in Operation Impending Doom One?" Daria asked her. "Um... none, actually. The operation was scrapped for some reason, just before I was sent on vacation to Food-Courtia, where I spent a few years working as a food-service drone. As soon as I heard about Impending Doom Two, I quit and went straight to the planet Conventia, where I convinced the Tallests to give me a second chance to prove my worth," Quinn said.

"So, why did Impending Doom One fail?" Jane asked. "I don't know. I guess they were all too shocked and awed by my amazing knack for destruction back on Irk to go forward with it. I mean, if they didn't want me to take control of that Cyclops-mech, then why did they have me wait near it? I still don't know why everyone is so upset about that. I _did_ put all of the fires out... eventually," Quinn said.

Daria raised and eyebrow. _Hold on... vacation as a food service drone? Destructive mess after hijacking a military machine? The first wide-scale invasion plan being scrapped because of her actions? Something doesn't seem quite right_ , she thought. _I'll sort it all out later_ , she decided. "So, your robot parents must be quite advanced if they can handle social interactions and fool everyone," Daria said flatly.

"Why yes. Yes, they are," Quinn replied with a grin before she set off to go find the robot parents. "So... Stacey is right and there's a psychotic alien preparing our planet for a possible invasion," Jane said. "I wouldn't worry too much about it," Daria said. "Huh? Why not? It's pretty obvious that she's planning our downfall," Jane replied. "Because, something about her story doesn't match up with her interpretation of it," Daria replied before sipping her punch.

"What do you mean?" Andrea asked her. "Give me some time to think it over more, and I'll explain it better later on. Just... trust me on this. Stacey may be right about Quinn being an alien, but I think she's overestimating Quinn's abilities. In fact, I'm willing to bet that Quinn couldn't take over a bowl of gelatin," Daria replied.

Meanwhile, Quinn had caught back up with the robot parents, who were busy speaking to a couple and their children. Of course, Stacey had intercepted her. "Dad, I'd like you to meet Quinn. You know, the alien," Stacey said. " _Oh, the foreign girl you talked about. So, what country are your from, Quinn?_ " "Yes, that's fascinating," Quinn said without paying attention before she walked away. " _Huh. I've never heard of a country with that name before,_ " Jake said in confusion. Stacey smacked her forehead.

* * *

"And here's a picture of Tori after she got her braces! And here's a picture of her crying after her third week of having them!" Mrs. Jericho said with a laugh. Quinn walked up to Robo-Mom, watching with pride as the robots fooled the humans. Mr. Jericho soon walked over with a tray of cookies in his hands. "You know, after she got rid of the braces, Tori got far more social with the other kids. She's even a member of the school's fashion club," he said.

"That sounds fantastic," Robo-Dad said. "Extracurricular activities are a great way to expand a young person's horizons and build skills that can help them in the future," Robo-Mom added with a blank face. Something about her expression seemed odd to Quinn, but since Robo-Mom wasn't trying to force a toothbrush into anyone's mouth, she figured it was just a minor glitch that she could take care of later.

"Say, my wife made some cookies for this event. Want some?" Mr. Jericho offered. "Sure," Robo-Dad said as he took a cookie in one of his metal claw hands. He brought it up to his mouth and began to chew on it. _Wait, I can't remember if the robot parents are designed to consume food_ , Quinn thought to herself.

There was a rumbling in Robo-Dad's torso as he swallowed the food. He tilted forward and crossed his arms over his stomach with a wince. "Oh no," Robo-Mom said. "What's wrong, dear? Is it-" "Yep! Diarrheeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," Robo-Dad said with a bizarre grin on his face. Several other people turned around to look at him strangely.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. _Okay, this isn't right. I need to get them away from the parents, before they start doing anything else that could draw attention_. "I have _just_ the thing for that!" Robo-Mom said before she raised a cup of punch into the air and splashed Robo-Dad with the liquid. Robo-Dad was sent scooting backwards violently into a wall.

Robo-Mom then turned to look at Mrs. Jericho with a crazy smile. "Who **does** your _hair!?_ " she asked before moving forward and poking at Mrs. Jericho's face. She had a manic smile on her face as she poked Mrs. Jericho over and over again. Quinn's jaw dropped and her face adopted a look of shock and horror at the robot parents' actions.

"Mom, I think we should go now," Quinn said as she walked over and grabbed Robo-Mom's suspenders. "We **really** need to go home!" Quinn implored. Robo-Mom stopped poking Mrs. Jericho and turned around with a frown on her face. "Don't tell me what to do, young lady! You go to your room!" she said before grabbing Quinn and lifting her into the air. She then turned around and deposited Quinn onto another refreshment table, sitting her atop a plate of crackers and cheese before turning around and pursuing Mrs. Jericho, who had been pulled away by her husband.

Quinn quickly leapt to her feet and looked over at Robo-Dad, who was still slamming himself into the wall repeatedly. "Um, Quinn?" Mr. O'Neill asked nervously, "Is your dad feeling well?" "Yes, he's perfectly fine," Quinn lied with a bold face. Soon, Robo-Dad stopped slamming into wall and a series of sparks began to shoot from the socket of his left arm, which then violently shot out of its socket and into the air before landing on the ground in front of Mr. O'Neill.

Mr. O'Neill looked down at the arm and then screamed like a small school-child. Stacey, who was watching the proceedings with interest, began to chuckle, and not just because Mr. O'Neill had screamed his head off. "Uh, m-my dad lost his arm in the, uh, the-the _war!_ " she explained.

"That was my squeezing arm. They took my _squeezing arm!_ " Robo-Dad exclaimed. "Why my squeezing arm!? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?" Everyone stared at him. "Stop poking my mom!" Tori Jericho could be heard shouting. Quinn turned her head and saw the Robo-Mom had resumed her assault on Mrs. Jericho. Quinn ran over and grabbed Robo-Dad by the collar of his shirt before dragging him behind her while she marched toward Robo-Mom.

"Atatatattattattattatatta!" Robo-Mom exclaimed as she continued poking Mrs. Jericho. "Look, Mom, we really need to go home now. Please," Quinn said as she finally reached the psychotic fembot. "Mom, please! We really should go home now," Quinn pleaded. Robo-Mom turned around to look at Quinn. "Honey, you're upset," Robo-Mom said observantly.

Quinn's eyes twitched in irritation. "Yes! And I want to home." "I know what will cheer you up!" Robo-Mom exclaimed, just as Robo-Dad got up and joined her at her side. The two robots then began a strange form of river dancing. Robo-Dad's singular large leg had split itself apart to reveal two slender legs and shoes made from the wheel coverings.

 _I'd never noticed that before_ , Quinn thought to herself. The two robots continued their river dance uninterrupted, while Mrs. Jericho sobbed. "Someone GET this WOMAN some medical ATTENTION!" Mr. DeMartino could be heard shouting. "Miss Vanderi!" Principal Li said sternly as she walked over to Quinn. "Uh-oh," Quinn whispered. "What is the meaning of this!?" Li asked her.

"My, uh, parents, um... f-forgot their, uh, medication! They, um, they forgot to take their medication before coming here! See how their legs are prosthetic? After that horrible accident, they needed to take medication to get over it. They later developed some sort of disorder, and thanks to my dad's military experience, uh, he, um, he needs, uh, to take other medication at regular intervals as well, and he must have missed his!" Quinn lied frantically.

"I see. Well, get your parents home and see to it that they take their medication as soon as possible!" Principal Li ordered. "Yes, Ma'am!" Quinn replied with a salute. This would be the first time that she would ever willingly comply with an order from Principal Li without a single hint of dissent. "Mom, Dad, please! We need to go home!"

The robot parents continued with their river dance. Daria, Jane, Andrea, Stacey, Takara, and Dib, through his hover-screen, watched the spectacle, while Jake was busy watching the large group of people attending the needs of Mrs Jericho, who had started to quiet down. "Doesn't anyone care about the robots?" Stacey asked loudly.

"Hey!" retorted Michelle Landon, mother of Jodie Landon, "Can't you see that this woman is suffering from severe poking trauma!?" Jodie Landon, another of Daria's classmates, had gotten a wet paper towel to put over the woman's head. Stacey looked back at the dancing robots, still as energetic as before.

"Mom, Dad! I-I think I've broken my spine! _My spine!_ **AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHhhh!** " Quinn screeched at them. She then panted like a dog. They both stopped dancing. "Aw, Honey! I think it's time we took you home," Robo-Mom said. Quinn smiled in relief. Robo-Mom grabbed her by the sides and lifted her up, causing Quinn to frown and raise an eyebrow.

Then she heard the sound coming from below. She looked down and saw the engines and jets of the robot parents' feet activating as they rose into the air before flying toward the windows, smashing through them and into the night sky. Stacey stared at the scene. "Let me guess," she said as she turned to look at the group huddled around Mrs. Jericho, "Nobody saw that?"

"Dammit," she muttered before throwing her cup of punch to the ground in frustration. "Hey! That girl's throwing punch!" someone cried. Stacey perked up and looked over at the group, before Miss Bitters slithered her way through and circled around the girl. She growled at Stacey menacingly before Daria walked over and grabbed Stacey by the arm. "I think we should get going now, don't you?" she asked her younger sister as she dragged her away from Miss Bitters.

"Well, it's been fun, but we should really get back home," Daria said to Jane and Andrea. "Jane, do you want to join us?" Daria asked her. "Sure, but shouldn't you grab your dad, or at least his hover-screen?" Jane replied. "Right. I'll go get him. Stacey; stay here with Jane and Andrea while I go get Dad," Daria said as she walked off.

Meanwhile, standing in a corner, Takara looked down at the floor with a pensive look on her face. Dozens of memories were flooding her brain. After Daria and Jane had left, Andrea had sought out her mother. "Mom?" Andrea asked her. "Hmm?" "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I think so. I was just... remembering some things. I might tell you about it some day, if you're interested. Anyway, ready to go home?" Takara asked her daughter. "Sure. Let's just get Dad's hover-screen and then we can leave," Andrea said. "Sounds good."

* * *

"GIR!" Quinn shouted angrily as she entered the room where the robot parents had been upgraded. GIR bolted upright from his slouching position to look at Quinn, who had already taken off her disguise. GIR gulped when he saw the look in Quinn's eyes, the shade and tint and indicator of her anger, as well as they positioning of her antennae. "GIR... what happened to that video I wanted the robot parents to watch?" Quinn asked calmly.

"They watched it," GIR replied. "Yes, and what else did they watch?" she asked with venom in her voice. "Other stuff," GIR replied shakily. "Yes. _Other stuff!_ Come here, GIR!" Quinn exclaimed as she ran toward GIR, who quickly fled. "Don't worry, GIR! I'll only force you to be in the same room as them for a few _hours!_ " Quinn shouted in anger as she chased the little robot around the base. "You were supposed to to make sure that they watched the video, and **only** that video! Our mission was almost jeopardized!"

The robot parents simply watched Quinn chasing GIR around the room with blank stares on their faces. His cries of fear were ignored and Quinn merely growled at the little robot. Robo-Dad blinked once when GIR came near him but otherwise remained impassive. _I love this shoooooowww._

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora 


	5. Nano-Quinn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Stacey manages to capture incriminating evidence to prove Quinn's identity to the world, Quinn performs an act of subterfuge that Stacey could never have seen coming... from inside her own body.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-005: Nano-Quinn

* * *

Date: Sunday, October 1st, 2097

Quinn folded up the papers on the table and put them in the folder that she was going to take with her to school the next day. _It doesn't hurt to be a little bit more organized. After all, this is part of my mission. I have to at least play the part of a dutiful student to make sure that no one becomes too suspicious of me. And if the teachers begin to think favorably of me, perhaps I can gain access to certain areas of the school in order to learn more about potential defenses in the future. At the very least, I can plant spy bugs in areas that the Li-beast frequents, and then I can make her life miserable._

She made her way over to an elevator and went upstairs to the top level, planning to stick the homework documents in her fake backpack so that she would remember them when she left for school the next day. There was no point in angering one of the few intelligent teachers at the school. Besides, being forced to do the assignment again or speak after class would only set her behind in her schedule for experiments in the lab or getting to other classes on time.

After arriving at the top floor, Quinn walked into the living room and saw GIR walking through the door while sucking on some kind of drink through a green mug with handles before plopping himself on the couch. The words SUCK MONKEY were scrawled on it in bright red letters. Quinn looked back at the open door, then at GIR, then at the doorway, then back at GIR, then back at the doorway, then back at GIR, then back at the doorway, and the back at GIR. "GIR, aren't you forgetting something?" Quinn asked the robot.

GIR gasped. "I forgot the caramel Slurpee!" he exclaimed in horror. "No, not that! You left the door open!" Quinn said angrily. "I got chocolate bubblegum!" GIR chirped. "GIR, you have to close the door after you come back from your excursions to... wherever it is that you went when you got that... thing," Quinn admonished.

Meanwhile, GIR's attention was focused on the ceiling, where something was crawling around the various layers of pipes, hoses, ducts, and tubes. "With an entire planet of enemies at our doorstep, we can't afford to drop our guard!" Quinn snapped. "Do you understand?" GIR simply continued watching the figure crawling around. "I'll take that as a yes," Quinn said before walking over to the door to close it.

She then stuffed her homework in the backpack she had lying near the door. "Now, with that out of the way, I can go back downstairs to check on the laser-weasel experiment. I think they're ripe by now," Quinn said as she turned around. She walked over to a desk in the corner of the room. "Computer, take me to the weasels!" Quinn demanded. The desk was moved up the wall and lifted as the floor tile underneath it opened up to reveal an elevator.

Just as Quinn was about to enter it, there was a flash of light. She turned around before another flash of light was produced. Quinn snapped her head up at the ceiling. She saw a figure wearing dark clothes with a mask on their face. "Stacey!" Quinn hissed. "No, I'm not!" came the muffled reply. "Yes, you are! Get down here and give me that camera! I might let you live if you hand it over quietly," Quinn demanded.

"Uh-uh!" Stacey retorted. "Computer! Intruder alert!" Quinn snapped. Some of the cords and hoses came to life, with claws attached to them and other weapons. Stacey leapt out of the way as two such security claws came at her. She landed on the floor and evaded another claw as she ran over and jumped out the window next to the couch. "Ha-ha! Now I have photographic evidence! Just wait till I show everyone that I'm right!" Stacey shouted before running away, dodging several of the lawn gnomes.

Quinn walked over to the window before turning to glare at GIR. "You left the window open too!?" Quinn exclaimed. "Oohh yeeaaah!" GIR replied. Quinn growled in anger. "Now I have to find a way to stop Stacey from showing everyone those pictures! But how!?" Quinn mused, before she hit upon an idea.

* * *

Date: Monday, October 2nd, 2097

"Hey, Jane, did Daria tell you about what I did last night?" Stacey asked as she sat down at their table in the cafeteria. "Um, no," Jane replied. Daria sighed. "Why don't you tell her yourself," Daria said tiredly. "I snuck into Quinn's house and managed to get photos of her without her disguise!" Stacey said quietly but with eagerness in her voice.

"Hmm, breaking and entering? That's pretty bold," Jane said. She noticed Andrea walking over to their table. "Hey, what's this about breaking and entering?" Andrea asked. "Stacey here just performed her first criminal activity," Daria said dryly.

"Please, the door was wide open! And besides, I asked GIR if I could come in and he said yes," Stacey said. "Um... who's GIR?" Jane asked her. "Quinn's robot minion. He dresses up like some kind of green dog, but he's a robot," Stacey replied.

"Hmm, aliens, robot parents, and robot dogs. This whole thing just keeps getting better and better," Jane said. No one noticed the tiny dot moving around in the air before it landed on Stacey's tray of food. "You know, it's weird, but I haven't seen Quinn in any of our classes today at all," Stacey said. "Maybe she's sick," Andrea suggested.

"Ha! Sick with _fear_ , I'll bet! After I publish those photographs, the whole world will know that I was right and that she's an alien!" Stacey said. "Photographs?" Andrea asked. "Yeah, Stacey here took pictures of Quinn without her disguise on," Daria said. "Neat. Can I see them?" Andrea asked. "I don't have them with me. They're at home, hidden," Stacey said.

* * *

**Later, In Mr. Deckard's Class...**

"Okay everyone. It's time to go over the homework assignment," Mr. Deckard said. Stacey looked around and saw that Quinn was absent. "Hmm, Quinn still isn't here today. She won't be able to turn in her homework assignment," Stacey said, just loud enough that Mr. Deckard heard her. "She came by early this morning to hand in her assignment. She wasn't feeling well so she went back home afterwards," he said.

* * *

Quinn kept her hands on the control yokes and moved the vessel steadily. "I just have to wait," she said to herself with a smile. "I'll wait until she goes home and when she gets the photos or whatever device she has them on... I'll strike."

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Household, Later That Evening...**

Stacey finished writing the mailing address for Mysteries Mysteries on the envelope and then stuck the data disc inside, keeping it in a small plastic case for extra protection. She then bounded over to the living room, where Daria was watching Sick Sad World. As soon as the episode was over, Stacey grabbed the remote.

"Hey," Daria said. "Mysterious Mysteries is on in a minute. Your show is over, so let me watch mine," Stacey said. "Go watch it in your room," Daria said. "I don't have a TV in my room, sis," Stacey said. "Oh yeah," Daria said.

The Mysterious Mysteries theme began playing after Stacey found the right channel. " _For years, the world has wondered: Are there aliens among us? We here at Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery have always known the answer to this question, and that answer is a resounding..._ _ **maybe**_ _. Which is why, as always, we ask you, our viewers, to help us put an end to this question once and for all._ "

An image of a cartoon alien waving from behind an envelope was shown as the narration continued. " _Send us your proof of alien existence and a self addressed envelope._ " Stacey's left arm began move of its own accord. Daria looked at her strangely. "Stacey, I know you get excited, but could you at least show a little bit of restraint," Daria said as Stacey's left hand touched her face a few times.

"And stop touching me," Daria said. "I'm not doing this! I don't have control of my arms! Gididi!" Stacey exclaimed as her hands suddenly grabbed the envelope and tore it in two, sending the data disc falling onto the couch. Stacey stared at the disc in its plastic case before her right hand picked it up and held it tightly. Daria got up and walked over into the kitchen.

"I'll be right back. I'm just getting a soda. If you want one, just say so. But when I come back, you'd better be in control of yourself, or it's going to be a long time before I agree to watch any TV with you again," Daria said.

After Daria exited the room, the TV began to glow a tinge or orange or pink as Quinn's face, without her disguise, was shown. She had a wicked smile on her face. " _Hello, Stacey!_ " Quinn said. "What the? Quinn, what are you doing in my TV? How did you intercept the broadcast signal?" Stacey asked.

" _He-he! I'm not in your **TV!** I'm not in my base either! I'm transmitting from... **inside your body!**_ " Quinn replied. " _Disturbing, isn't it? At this very moment, I'm piloting a microscopic submersible somewhere in your disgusting belly, attached to your arm-control nerve!_ " she stated.

"Arm control nerve?" Stacey asked, confused. " _Yes! Arm-control nerve!_ " "In my... belly?" " _Yes!_ " "Humans don't have arm-control nerves!" Stacey exclaimed. " _Do not question me! I control your arms!_ " Quinn exclaimed. She then began pulling on the control yokes, causing Stacey's arms to flail wildly.

* * *

In the kitchen, Daria had picked up bits and pieces of the conversation. "Now what's she doing?" she asked herself with a sigh before she picked up a root beer and an Ultra Cola. She decided that she would flip a coin to see which one she would give to Stacey.

* * *

"I don't understand; how did you get inside of me!?" Stacey asked. " _It's a funny story, actually,_ " Quinn replied. " _It began after I arrived at school early this morning, when I handed my homework to all of the teachers. After giving my final piece of homework to Mr. Deckard, one the more intelligent humans at your school, I slipped away to an area where Principal Li's security systems weren't installed._ "

Stacey gasped. "You got inside of me when I was in the bathroom!?" she shrieked. " _What? No! I slipped into the bathroom in order to devise a way to use my submersible, before deciding to go back home. That was when I shrank myself and entered the vessel, before making my way back to the school and waiting for an opportunity to slip inside of you unnoticed,_ " Quinn explained.

" _As it turns out, you humans don't pay very much attention to your surroundings when you're... eating,_ " Quinn said with a fiendish smile. Stacey's eyes widened. " _Now, with story time over, it's time for business,_ " Quinn said, before she made Stacey's hand crush the data disc. "N-No!" Stacey cried out. " _Ha-ha! Success! Victory is mine!_ " Quinn shouted joyously. "Heh, do you really think that was the only copy of the disc?" Stacey asked with a smirk. " _Ha-ha-err! You know, you really should learn when to keep your mouth shut!_ " Quinn said angrily.

" _I was planning on leaving your body after accomplishing my task, but now it seems I must add an additional objective to my mission. Namely, I will plug my ship into your brain, search your private memories, and then force you to destroy the copies! Oh, and while I'm at it, maybe I could also just, you know, damage your brain. Turn you into a drooling moron and stuff you know?_ " Quinn said with an evil smile.

"Nnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Stacey yelled. " _That's it! I'm not watching TV with you again for at least a year!_ " Daria exclaimed from the kitchen after hearing Stacey's cry. As soon as Quinn detached her ship from the arm-control nerve, Stacey could feel her arms working properly again. She quickly ran down to the basement where her father's lab was located.

"Dad! I need your help!" Stacey cried. "Really? I'll be glad to help you! Not like my old man, who never gave poor old Jakey any help! Big boys don't need help, Jakey!" "Dad, stop ranting! This is important!" Stacey interrupted. "Oh, well, what do you need?"

"Do you still have that microscopic ship thing that you were working on once?" Stacey asked her father. "I think so. It should be over in one of those drawers. It'll have the word fragile written on the drawer. The controls are right over there, too" Jake said. "By the way, what do you need it for?"

"There's an alien in my guts, and she's trying to destroy my brain!" Stacey exclaimed before she ran over to the cabinet with the drawers. "What?" Jake asked rhetorically before his daughter retrieved the nano-ship and its controls and ran back upstairs.

After returning upstairs, Stacey set the controls down on the coffee table and opened her mouth, letting the tiny nano-ship fall into her mouth. The camera on it immediately activated and showed the inside of her esophagus as Stacey grabbed the controls and began piloting the mini ship through her intestines.  
"Oh, no you don't, Quinn!" Stacey said as she saw a series of Irken flags planted on various parts of her internal organs and blood valves.

* * *

"With Stacey turned into a drooling moron, nothing will stand in my way! Nothing, not even drool! Ah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!" Quinn exclaimed evilly as she piloted her ship through the bloodstream and made her way towards Stacey's brain. She then saw a proximity sensor as Stacey's nano-ship soon caught up with her.

"Oh, so you have a toy of your own, do you? Heh, we'll see how good of a pilot you are, Stacey," Quinn said snidely.

* * *

Daria walked into the living room and saw Stacey engaged in what looked like a video game, with a control panel with several buttons and two joy sticks. Her interest was immediately piqued. "Hey, what game is this?" Daria asked as she stood behind Stacey and looked over her shoulder at the small screen.

"This is no game," Stacey said. "This is my _life!_ " "Um, you know, as much as I love video games, you have to remember that they aren't all there is to life," Daria said. "I'm being serious," Stacey said. "I'm piloting a nano-ship through my guts while chasing Quinn!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Daria asked her. "Quinn's in a nano-ship of her own and she's planning on destroying my brain to prevent me from interfering in her plans! I have to stop her!" Stacey said. Daria looked up and saw Quinn's face on the TV.

"Okay... why am I afraid that you're actually telling the truth?" Daria asked. "Because I am!" Stacey replied. " _You can't beat me, Stacey! My piloting skills are unmatched, especially by a mere child such as yourself! I've been piloting ships since before you were born!_ " Quinn cackled over the speakers.

" _Oh, Stacey's sister, Daria,_ " Quinn said on the TV screen. " _How nice of you to join us and watch your sister's imminent demise and transformation into a drooling moron as I destroy her brain._ " "Say what?" Daria asked pointedly. " _I'll leave you alone, since you aren't actively opposing me, but your sister must be dealt with,_ " Quinn said.

Daria adopted a dark and almost menacing look on her face as she stared down Quinn. Quinn actually chuckled nervously. "No one hurts my sister but me. Got that, Quinn? Get out of my sister's body, or I will make you wish that I'd never been born," Daria said darkly to the alien.

" _You're welcome to try, little Earthling, but I'm a trained soldier. You can't beat me, and besides, what would you know about piloting anyway?_ " Quinn taunted her. "You're on," Daria said. Quinn merely grinned.

Stacey had found the nano-ship's weapons and launched a hook at Quinn's vessel. It bounced off of the ship but Quinn was sent tumbling around. " _Grrr! That was a lucky shot!_ " Quinn growled at them. She maneuvered the ship so that it scrapped against something, and Stacey hissed in pain. "Aack!" she cried.

" _He-he! I believe I've just entered your tracheae! Your brain is so close that I can smell it!_ " Quinn taunted. "Stacey, let me take over," Daria said. "No! She's in _my_ tracheae!" Stacey said, wincing in pain. Daria looked at her sister with concern.

Looking at the screen, both girls saw Quinn nearing the roof of Stacey's mouth. Stacey quickly opened her mouth and took a deep breath, sending Quinn flying back and smashing into the nano-ship. Both ships fell down and entered a pipe, before landing in what may have been a lung or some kind of air passage. Daria couldn't remember exactly what her anatomy books said those things looked like.

" _Enough already! I see I've been too lenient! Time to rain_ _ **DOOM**_ _down upon you!_ " Quinn shouted. Inside the... wherever they had landed, Quinn quickly transformed her ship into a bipedal combat mech. "What the!?" Stacey exclaimed as she and Daria watched this through the screen of the nano-ship controls.

"Quickly, transform!" Daria said. "I don't know how!" Stacey cried. "Quarter-circle-back and then A plus B! Do it!" Daria said. Stacey followed her instructions. The nano-ship quickly transformed. "Oh, hey! Look at that!" Stacey said with surprise.

Quinn quickly let out a battle cry that sounded disturbingly familiar to Daria and Quinn, reminding them of a certain blond youth from Highland who would make a similar sound when turning into his alternate persona of "Cornholio." "Okay, for bringing back _that_ memory, I'm gonna make you suf-ah!" Stacey cried as Quinn charged and knocked the nano-mech away with a kick, before jumping up and delivering another kick to it.

Daria watched as Quinn pounded the nano-mech into submission. "Stacey, let me take over. Stacey, come on! I can beat her! Stacey, please!" Daria began to plead with her sister. Stacey was wincing and having trouble focusing on the controls. " _Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! I told you, Stacey; You. Can't. Beat. Me!_ " Quinn exclaimed, emphasizing each word with a punch to the mech.

"She-she's in _my_ organs, not yours!" Stacey said frantically as beads of sweat ran down her forehead and neck. "Stacey, please, let me help you!" Daria pleaded with her sister.

* * *

Quinn continued beating the nano-mech and then grabbed it before throwing it to the side. She aimed an arm at the control nerve just above the mech. "This is just sad, Stacey. Then again, you _are_ hopelessly outclassed by me, so I shouldn't be too surprised. Either way, I'm putting an end to this now," Quinn said before firing a projectile of some kind out of the mech and into the nerve.

"Bye-bye, Stacey! I'll be sure to let you live as a pet after I conquer Earth. It's all you'll be good for anyway after I've reduced you to a complete simpleton," Quinn said with a wicked smile on her face. She looked at the screen in front of her and saw Daria glaring at her.

"Aw, what's wrong, Daria? Your sister's in peril and there's nothing you can do to save her, is there? You poor, sad, stupid little Human. Tell you what. I'll at least make sure to leave her memories of being your sister intact, so that she isn't _totally_ alone. Heh-heh."

* * *

Stacey immediately felt her arms go numb. "I-I can't move my arms!" she said as they slumped to her side. "D-Daria! I can't move my arms! They're like noodles!" Stacey cried out in panic and terror. Daria pushed her sister out of the way and took control of the nano-mech.

"Stacey, just stay out of the way. It's my turn now," Daria said. She began pursuing Quinn without hesitation. "Nobody hurts my sister but me, Quinn. _Nobody,_ " Daria said with a murderous glare directed at the TV screen before returning her focus to the screen of the nano-ship controls.

* * *

Quinn entered the mouth and quickly made her way to the brain through a tiny passage that connected to the eyes through the nasal passage... somehow. She soon found herself hovering around Stacey's brain. "What a lovely sight. Order and chaos balanced together in harmony. Time to screw it all up," Quinn said with a grin as she moved her ship above the brain and started preparing a discharge attack.

"Now, let's see where you're keeping the location of that data disc and the photos... ah, right there!" Quinn moved her mech forward and then shot at the gray matter with a special beam attack.

* * *

"Aah! Knowledge... g-going! Brain... poop! No! I-I can't... she did it! She made me forget where the disc is located!" Stacey exclaimed with tears in her eyes as she looked at her sister. Daria spared her a glance and felt her heart drop at the sight of her sister. Daria returned her sight to the screen.

* * *

"Now, to unleash stupidity on your entire brain. Say goodbye to your intelligence, Stacey! In fact, say goodbye to your memories, personality, and everything else that makes you... uh, _you!_ Ha-ha!" Quinn cackled as she waited to the charge to build up. "Hmm, some suppressed memories are in here too... ah well, they won't make any difference," Quinn said.

" _Get the hell away from there!_ " Daria's voice shouted from the tiny speakers of the nano-mech. "Daria!" Quinn hissed. "You know what? Forget leaving you alone. You're on my list now! Once I'm done with Stacey, I'll take care of _you!_ I hope your parents like having _two_ brain-dead daughters to take care of!" Quinn yelled out in anger as she aborted the discharge attack and swiped at the nano-mech.

Daria easily dodged the attack and brought the tiny machine up to kick Quinn away. "What the!? You're a trained pilot!?" Quinn asked in confusion. " _I play a lot of video games, Quinn. It really helps the hand-eye-coordination._ " "Grr, don't think you can beat me!" Quinn snapped at her. She looked down at the screen to see Daria smirking at her.

" _You've already lost, Quinn,_ " Daria said to her with a dangerous glare. "Not yet I haven't. Not ye-oh!" Quinn cried out as Daria kicked her machine before spinning around to punch it multiple times and grab its legs before throwing it at Stacey's brain.

* * *

"Eeeahhiiieeee!" Stacey cried as she started flopping around on the couch and bit into the arm of it, tearing out fabric with force. She began spitting drool everywhere as she smacked her head into the arm of the couch multiple times. "Oops," Daria muttered apologetically.

* * *

Daria grabbed Quinn's mech and threw it away from the brain before catching up to it and delivering several kicks at it, before finally grabbing hold of Quinn and pushing her out of the brain area, back through Stacey's mouth, and into the intestines. She continued to punch and kick Quinn's machine throughout the ride, before eventually reaching her destination.

She then spun around and kicked the control head off of the machine. Quinn screamed as she entered a tumbling ride. "I'll get you for this! Just wait till I get this thing repaired!" Quinn shouted angrily. Daria then took the nano-mech back up to the stomach area and aimed at the arm-control nerve. She fired a blast at the tiny pole stuck in it, destroying it.

* * *

Stacey felt her arms return to normal. "I... I can feel my arms. Daria, I can feel my arms!" Stacey exclaimed as she shot over and hugged her sister. "Yes, now, get off of me!" Daria said uncomfortably. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Stacey cried over and over. "Okay, now, please realize that Quinn is still inside you," Daria said.

Stacey pulled away. "Where at?" Stacey asked her. "Oh, someplace where you can get her out of you. Not your mouth or nose," Daria said. Stacey smirked as she caught Daria's meaning. "I see. In that case, would you like to join me in that bathroom?" Daria raised and eyebrow.

"Okay, that came out wrong," Stacey said. "Definitely. Um, let me pilot the other machine out of you first. It might come in handy in the future," Daria said as she went back to the controls. She eventually got the nano-ship back out of Stacey's mouth an piloted it into a pill case with a cotton swab in it. She closed the cap and slipped it into the bag marked for the nano-ship.

"Stacey, do you want to keep it in your room as-Stacey?" Daria asked, before she saw the door to the bathroom closing. She looked over at the TV and saw Quinn's face still on there. Quinn had several bruises, and the inside of her vessel was badly damaged. " _Just wait till I return to normal size! I'll give you nightmares, you hear me!? Just you wait, stink-beasts!_ " Quinn said viciously, before the ship started moving.

" _What the!? What's going aaaiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!_ " Quinn screamed as the video turned to static. Daria then heard the sound of the toilet flushing before the faucet turned on as Stacey washed her hands. Stacey soon opened the door and walked out.

"Hey, Stacey?" Daria asked her sister. "Yeah?" Stacey replied. "Wanna order a pizza, or some Chinese takeout?" Daria asked her sister. "You buy the pizza, and I'll buy the sodas?" Stacey replied. "Sounds good to me," Daria said with a small smile. "Hey, do we still have those coupons for that two pizza deal lying around?" Stacey asked as the two sisters went into the kitchen. "I think so," Daria replied. "Found 'em!" Stacey cried. "Alright," Daria asked her sister with a smile, "What should we order?"

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora


	6. Dark Harvest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn discovers that Human biology and Irken biology is fundamentally different, especially in regards to organs. Fearing that she will be ousted by the school nurse if she doesn't have the proper organs, Quinn begins... borrowing from her fellow students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The Following Episode May Be Considered Nightmare Fuel To Some Readers. Reader Discretion is Advised

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-006: Dark Harvest

* * *

Date: Monday, October 9th, 2097

Daria looked across the table at Stacey, who was wearing her new X-Scope goggles. Stacey had ordered them a week earlier from Crop Circle Magazine, and they had arrived on Friday. "Are you ever going to take those things off?" Daria asked her sister. "Why should I?" Stacey asked with a smirk. Their dad entered the kitchen and Stacey looked over at him. "Okay, taking them off!" she squealed in revulsion.

"You managed to go the entire weekend without having that happen to you?" Daria asked her sister. "I didn't wear them around Dad," Stacey said after she hiked the visor/goggles up on her head. Daria sighed before eating her cereal while reading the paper. "You know, Daria, I've heard on the net that paper news will be obsolete within the next ten years," Stacey said.

"Uh-huh, and that's been said how many times in the past ninety-seven years?" Daria asked her sister. "Um... I think at least eighty-six," Stacey answered thoughtfully. "So, how does that track record hold up so far?" Daria replied.

"Hey, girls, guess what I'm working on today?" Jake asked his daughters as he sat down at the table after getting some waffles. "A toaster to heat up your waffles?" Daria snarked. "Huh? No, we already have one," Jake said, before he put his fork into a frozen waffle. "What the-hey! These waffles are still frozen!" he exclaimed.

"You know, maybe you should put them in the toaster oven, or a toaster, or even the microwave," Stacey suggested. "Right," Jake said, embarrassed, as he got up and made his way back over to the counter. Stacey giggled, while Daria let out a snicker. "Good morning, girls," Helen said as she entered the kitchen.

"Morning, Mom!" Stacey said cheerfully. "Good morning, Mom," Daria said in her usual tone of voice. "So, how are you girls doing this-" Helen stopped to sniff the air. "Do you smell smoke?" she asked. She quickly turned around and saw Jake trying to get something out of the toaster. "Jake, what are you doing!?" Helen reprimanded him. "The waffle is stuck!" he cried. "Oh my goodness, how do you even _do_ _ **that!?**_ " she exclaimed.

* * *

"Finished!" Quinn exclaimed happily as she put her tools away and turned around so that her PAK could re-attach itself to her back. "My PAK legs should be able to move twice as efficiently now!" she said gleefully before looking over at GIR, who was eating a cupcake.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. She had no idea exactly where the funds for GIR's food consumption came from, and while she knew that the money replicator was in working condition, she had never once seen GIR access it. Looking over at the clock, she saw what time it was on this part of the planet's hemisphere. "I need to leave for school now. GIR, keep the base safe and intact while I am away," Quinn said as she went over to an elevator.

* * *

"So, I suppose you're going to use those goggles to look inside of Quinn?" Daria asked her sister as they made their way to school. Jane had met up with them on the way, and had curiously asked about the X-Scope visor after seeing Stacey wear it. Stacey looked at her sister with a smirk.

"Of course I will. It's the best way to prove that Quinn is an alien, especially if I let others look for themselves," Stacey said. "Of course," Daria replied flatly. "What? After the incident with the nano-ship, you suddenly don't care anymore?" Stacey asked her.

"I care, but I also don't really see the need to instigate anything by actively antagonizing Quinn either," Daria replied. "Hey, I just remembered," Jane said. "Um, you didn't by any chance manage to find those pictures again, did you?"

Stacey sighed. "No, and I'm still looking," she said. "Really? I'd think that with that visor thing on, you'd probably be able to find it by now," Jane remarked. "I've been... busy with other things," Stacey said hesitantly.

"Like looking through the shirts and pants of some of the boys at the mall?" Daria asked her sister. Stacey blushed. "Wait, you mean you actually go to the mall?" Jane asked. "I don't go all the time, just when I think there might be something of interest there," Stacey replied.

* * *

Quinn stopped at her locker to deposit and retrieve her necessary books for her classes, which she found to be a tedious task. _Stupid Human lockers and... locks!_ She didn't notice Stacey walking in her direction.

Passing by Quinn through the hallways, Stacey finally had an opportunity to use her X-Scope to see just how different Quinn was from a human. She put on her X-Scope and activated the CAT-Scan function. _She only has a single organ running throughout her body? That doesn't seem natural, even for an alien species. Then again, given the cybernetic nature of her PAK, is it possible that Quinn, or maybe even the rest of her kind, aren't products of natural evolution, but a result of an advanced society integrating technology with biology so much that their physiology has been fundamentally changed?_

Stacey soon realized that Quinn was staring at her when she gazed up and saw Quinn's skull and eyes looking at her. Stacey raised the X-Scope up and backed away. "Hello, _Stacey,_ " Quinn said. "Hello, _Quinn,_ " Stacey replied.

* * *

"And so, that is how we know that the pattern of doom and self destruction displayed the human race over its existence is inherent and will never go away," Miss Bitters said to her class, several of whom were now traumatized. "Our most popular of literature have the allure of war and destruction, be it something that is readily present or something that is being prevented. Either way, it is _there!_ " she said.

"And even though we have implemented many new measures to prevent war from happening since the horrifying fallout of the Tropics War, which lasted from 2068 to 2082, it should come as no surprise that conflict is still occurring throughout the world," Miss Bitters continued. "There will always be conflict, and the endless waltz of peace, unrest, and war will never truly go away."

At that moment, a pigeon flew in through an open window in the classroom. The bird flew over several students' heads before it finally landed on top of Quinn's head. She looked up at the small creature. "Quinn, there's a pigeon on your head," Miss Bitter's exclaimed. "Yes, yes there is," Quinn said flatly. "You've got Head Pigeons! Go to the nurse's office before it spreads to the other students!" Miss Bitters ordered her.

Quinn attempted to brush the creature off, but Miss Bitters hissed at her. "Go to the nurse's office now, Miss Vanderi," Miss Bitters said. "Y-Yes, Ma'am," Quinn said with a gulp. Miss Bitters was one of the few members of the school staff who Quinn had come to genuinely regard as dangerous and a potential threat. Not to her mission, no, but to her safety in general, as the woman seemed almost as inhuman as she was at times.

"Before you leave, remember to take a hall pass," Miss Bitters said. She pulled out a drawer and retrieved a collar with little LED lights on it. Miss Bitters latched it around Quinn's neck and activated it. "If you leave school grounds, it will _explode,_ " Miss Bitters said with a sadistic smile. "Um, is that _legal?_ " Quinn asked her.

"Define the term 'legal', will you?" Miss Bitters asked in return. "Never mind. I shall relieve myself of this bird creature after being tended to by the nurse!" Quinn said. "You know, Quinn, when the nurse checks you, she'll notice that you don't have any Human organs," Stacey said quietly, but just loud enough for Quinn to hear her. "It won't be long before you're found out then," Stacey said with a smirk.

"Heh, I'll be fine. I bet my Squeedilyspooch on it," Quinn said quietly to Stacey. "Ahem, the nurse's office?" Miss Bitters said with a raised eyebrow. "Of course, Miss Bitters," Quinn replied before leaving the room. "Stacey, when someone has head pigeons, you need to let them seek proper medical attention as soon as possible," Miss Bitters said in a harsh tone.

"Yes, Ma'am," Stacey replied sheepishly.

* * *

On her way to the nurse's office, Quinn saw another student in the hallway. It was Sandi Griffin, who was just leaving the bathroom. "Oh, it's you, the girl with the skin condition," Sandi said dismissively. Quinn nodded her head, before she got an idea. "Say, you're... full of organs, right?" Quinn asked Sandi.

"Um, yeah. So?" "Well, I just... was wondering about how you keep such a nice figure with having so many organs in your body. Perhaps we can... discuss this in the bathroom?" Quinn suggested slyly. "Sure, I don't really care to go back to class anyway," Sandi replied. Quinn smirked as she followed the girl into the bathroom.

"So," Quinn began, "With all those organs you have; I don't suppose you or anybody else would notice if you were, say, missing one or two?" "Like, probably not. It would only help my thin figure anyway," Sandi haughtily. Quinn chuckled, as did Sandi. Quietly, Quinn reached back to her PAK and activated a mini teleport dome.

With fast reflexes, she grabbed Sandi and pushed her against the bathroom wall, bringing the transport dome all the way out over her stomach. Quinn kept a hand clasped over Sandi's mouth, and cackled as she set the device into motion. Sandi watched, horrified, as a brief flash of light was emitted before she felt a horrible emptiness inside her, while staring in shock at her liver, which was inside the dome.

Quinn quickly tugged off the hall pass after putting the liver inside herself and teleported the collar inside of Sandi, replacing her liver. She then smiled before throwing Sandi into a stall and leaving the bathroom, pulling herself up into the ventilation system with her PAK. "Let's find some more organ donors," Quinn said to herself with a smile.

* * *

Stacey looked impatiently at the clock in the classroom. _Quinn should have reached the nurse's office by now and been found out_ , she thought to herself. Glancing around the room to make sure that no one was watching, Stacey, snapped her pencil in half and carefully placed part of it up her left nostril. She then raised her hand.

"Um, Miss Bitters; I have a pencil lodged in my brain. May I go to the nurse's office?" Stacey asked. "How far up your brain?" Miss Bitters asked her skeptically. Stacey glanced down at the eraser. "Pretty far," she replied. "Very well, but don't forget to take this hall pass," Miss bitters said. "My student handbook still has some blank spaces in it," Stacey said.

"Fine, bring it here," Miss Bitters said as she retrieved a pen and signed her name and the date and time on Stacey's hall pass. "Be sure to return as soon as that pencil is un-lodged," Miss Bitters growled at her. "Yes, Ma'am," Stacey said before leaving the room.

Heading straight for the nurse's office, Stacey saw the receptionist sitting behind her desk, looking bored while holding some kind of cow-noise making can. "Um, excuse me, but wasn't there a girl with head pigeons here earlier?" Stacey asked the receptionist. "No one with head pigeons has been here, kid," she replied. "You know, Quinn? The green girl," Stacey said.

"Oh, she's sitting right over there, doubled over in pain," the receptionist said. Stacey turned around and looked over to see Sandi Griffin sitting in a chair, holding her stomach. "Th-the cooing," she whispered in horror. "The cooing."

"She's missing her liver," the receptionist said. "That's how some kids react to the lunch specials. The _lucky ones,_ " she added. "Uh-huh," Stacey said, before bringing her X-Scope over her eyes and zooming in on Sandi. "The-the hall pass," Stacey whispered in horror.

Suddenly, Stacey remembered what she had said to Quinn earlier. "Me and my big mouth," Stacey said to herself. "Oh, um, I have a pencil lodged in my nose, do you think I can get help with that?" Stacey asked in a rushed manner. "Sure," the receptionist said before reaching over and pulling out the pencil. "Here," the receptionist said blandly. After Stacey retrieved the pencil, the receptionist cleaned her hands.

"Here, can you sign this so I can go back to class?" Stacey asked her. "Sure," the receptionist said, signing the hall pass before Stacey turned around and left. After Stacey was gone, the receptionist returned to her boredom, leaning down to read a magazine she'd hidden away when Stacey had entered the waiting area. The grate above her, connecting to the ventilation system, was slowly unscrewed and opened up, and a small dome descended above her head.

Hearing a strange noise, the receptionist briefly lifted her head up, just before there was a flash of light. Seconds later, there was another flash. The receptionist fell over onto the desk, her brain having been replaced with a filthy sponge from one of the janitor closets.

A few minutes later, the bell rang, signaling the end of the first period.

* * *

Michael Jordan "Mack" McKenzie finished retrieving his books from his locker, just after hearing a strange noise and seeing a flash from the other side of his locker door. After closing his locker, he saw Kevin Thompson huddled on the floor in pain. "Kevin, what's wrong?" Mack asked Kevin. "I-I don't know," Kevin said with a wince. "My stomach, oh god it hurts!" Kevin exclaimed.

* * *

Stacey hurriedly walked through the hallway, keeping her eyes peeled for any sign of Quinn as she traversed the throngs of students surrounding her. She managed to enter Miss Bitters' room just in time to show her the hall pass and then collect her things before heading off to her next class.

She stopped walking when she heard a cooing noise nearby. She turned her head back and forth, backing up against a locker as people passed around her. She heard a groan and looked over to see Mack helping Kevin and his way to the nurse's office. He was holding his stomach in pain.

She felt someone tap her shoulder and shrieked, only to see that it was just Andrea. "Oh, it's just you," Stacey said. "Yeah," Andrea said flatly. "What's up with you, Stacey?" Andrea asked her. "Andrea, Quinn is stealing people's organs and replacing them with... stuff! You have to watch your back!" Stacey said to her.

Andrea merely raised an eyebrow. "Why would Quinn do that?" Andrea asked her skeptically. "Because she was sent to the nurse's office earlier for having head pigeons, and I made a comment about her lack of human organs giving her away! Oh, if only I had just kept my damn mouth shut!" Stacey cried before she started hyperventilating.

"It's all my fault! It's all my fault! It's all my fault!" she said as she hyperventilated, before Andrea slapped her. "Stacey, get a hold of yourself!" Andrea snapped. "Oh. Right," Stacey said, collecting her nerves. "Just make your way to each class and you'll be fine," Andrea said before walking away.

Stacey gulped and made her way to her next class, just before hearing a zapping sound. She turned around and saw Andrea doubled over in pain. She rushed over to her friend's side and used her X-Scope to zoom in. Andrea's left kidney had been replaced with a baseball. "Andrea..." Stacey said, horrified.

Andrea looked up at her and winced. "Why can't you... ever be... wrong?" Andrea asked in a painful whisper. "Come on, I'll help you get to the nurse's office," Stacey said as she helped Andrea up.

* * *

Daria opened the door to Mr. O'Neill's room and walked over to her seat, before seeing that Mr. O'Neill was grasping at his throat and no sound would come out of his mouth. "Um, are you okay, Mr. O'Neill?" Daria asked him. He managed to mouth the word 'no' before tears formed around his eyes. She was about to turn around when she heard a zapping sound and saw Jane leaning against the door frame, holding onto her stomach painfully.

"Jane!" Daria said as she rushed over. "Jane, are you all right?" Daria asked her. "N-No," Jane said painfully. "What's wrong?" she asked. "I-I don't know. I just... aah!" she cried as she slumped down to the floor. Just then, the bell rang, signalling that the next period had begun.

* * *

Principal Angela Li flipped the switch of her microphone again and again. "This part works, so why doesn't the rest of the PA system work? Is there a loose wire somewhere?" she asked herself as she walked around and checked the connection between the microphone and the multi-connection device she had it plugged into.

She would have to get the janitors to fix this again. She heard a small noise just then, like the sound of screws being unfastened. She looked up and saw the screws of a grate covering the air duct above her falling out. She snarled and ran over to her desk, pulling out her pistol and assembling it before rushing back over and kneeling down, aiming at the vent.

Angela waited... and waited... and waited. She gulped in anticipation, before she heard a cooing noise coming from behind her. She turned around and gasped before a bright flash of light briefly lit up the room. She never had a chance to fire her gun, which was now inside her stomach, taking the place of her small intestine.

She fell onto her knees, holding her stomach and gasping in pain.

* * *

Stacey nervously looked around the classroom, seeing no one missing from it. Mr. Phelps grunted in displeasure and Stacey looked up at him. "Eyes on your own paper, Miss Morgendorffer," he said sternly. "Being late because you were helping a fellow student to the nurse's office is understandable, but I will not have cheating in my class room." "Yes, Sir," Stacey said before returning her attention to her math paper. At least, until she heard a zap and everyone turned their heads to look at Bonnie Fenton, who looked pale and was gasping in pain.

"Miss Fenton, are you all right?" Mr. Phelps asked her. "My-My back!" she cried out. "M-My... appendix!" she cried. Bonnie Fenton was a student who always paid attention to biology and anatomy classes. Stacey's eyes widened as she realized Quinn was now grabbing anyone she could, regardless of where or when.

* * *

It was time for lunch when Stacey was finally able to meet up with her sister, but not before she saw the people inside the cafeteria, all of whom were pale, greenish, and stumbling over one another and falling onto the ground.  Normally, this would considered a standard reaction to the school's lunch specials, but Stacey had reason to believe otherwise today. "Look at them," Stacey said forlornly. She looked over at the lunch menu, seeing what the special was. It was mayonnaise and corn. "And it isn't even cucumbers and liverwurst day," Stacey said with disgust.

She looked over and saw Daria sitting at a lunch table, along with Mack and Jodie, although Jodie looked pale. "Jodie! Are you missing any organs?" Stacey asked her. "No... I ate the lunch special," she said while trying to hold her food down. Stacey didn't know if she should have felt relived for Jodie or if she should pity Jodie. On one hand, she still had all of her organs. On the other hand, she had eaten the lunch special, which was a horrific pain all of its own.

Stacey activated her X-Scope and looked at Mack and Daria. Mack still had all of his organs, as did Daria, although Daria was looking very warily at something across the room. Stacey turned to look, scanning the room to see everyone who was missing organs. Brittany Taylor had a small kitten where her reproductive organs should have been, while Jamie White had a remote control in the location of his large intestine.

Fish-toed boy had a clock right where his heart was supposed to be, although he was somehow still breathing, and Tori Jericho had a roll of tape where her right kidney was supposed to be located. Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer III had baseball glove where his liver was supposed to be located, and Tiffany Blum-Deckler had a bag of lipstick where her larynx was supposed to be.

Several other students were missing their intestines, kidneys, livers, spleens, brains, and even hearts. Soon, Stacey recoiled and gasped as she saw a huge collection of organs on her X-Scope. Taking off the X-Scope, she looked to see Quinn, sitting on a bench, huge and disgusting, with the pigeon still on her head.

"Hehllo Shtaschey," Quinn said with a small wave. "Quinn! This has to stop!" Stacey yelled at her as she rushed over. "I'm afraid I dohn't know what you're tahlking about," Quinn said. "Look at you; you're a huge pile of stolen organs!" Stacey exclaimed. "Nons-aaacck!" Quinn gurgled as an intestine rolled out of her mouth and onto the floor. Stacey's eyes widened in shock and disgust as Quinn slurped the organ back into her mouth.

"You think that you can fool a trained medical professional?" Stacey asked her. "Yes," Quinn replied smugly. "You don't fool me! Intestines?" "Large and small." "Liver?" "Five different colors." "Kidneys?" "A dozen." "Hearts?" "Four." "Brains?" "Three." "Lungs?" "A-oh." Quinn replied before adopting a strange look on her face. Her PAK sprouted its mechanical legs and lifted her up into a spaciously large air vent.

"Your won't get lungs on my watch!" Stacey yelled. She gulped when she realized that, having all of her organs, she was now on Quinn's hit list. She looked over back and Daria and Mack. Mack had decided to eat the lunch special, to make Jodie feel less alone. Daria was looking at it, contemplating eating it.

"Daria! You still have all of your organs, right? Nothing was stolen just now?" she asked her sister. "No, why?" Daria asked her. "It's Quinn! She's been stealing people's organs! Jodie and Mack might be safe, since they ate the lunch special, and Quinn would never want to get anything like that near her insides, but you and me are in danger!" Stacey cried.

"Look, after lunch, I'm going to go check up on Jane at nurse's office," Daria said. "I'll come with you," Stacey said. "But you have classes." "So do you," Stacey retorted. "Fine," Daria said before she got up and walked out of the cafeteria, with Stacey following close behind.

* * *

"So why is she stealing organs?" Daria asked Stacey as they walked down the hallway. "Earlier today, a pigeon landed on her head and Miss Bitters sent her to the nurse's office. I told her that because she didn't have any human organs, she would be found out when the nurse examined her, so-" Stacey was interrupted as Daria grabbed her and slammed her against a locker. "So it's your fault that Jane and everybody else is suffering right now!?" Daria asked her angrily.

"Y-Yes," Stacey replied sadly. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Daria, checking to make sure no one was in the hallway with them, brought her sister into a hug. "I know you didn't mean for this to happen, but god damn, Stacey, please watch your mouth in the future," Daria said. "Come on, let's get to the nurse's office."

Stacey soon tripped on a loose shoe-lace. As she started to retie it, Daria leaned against the door to the taxidermy room. She didn't notice the mechanical leg wrapping around her until she no longer felt the door behind her.

"There," Stacey said. She looked up and saw Daria missing. She rushed over to the corner and looked around. "Daria?" Stacey asked. She then heard a zap and looked over at the Taxidermy room, where there was another zap and a flash of light.

"Daria!" Stacey gasped before she ran over to the room, opening the door and flipping on the lights. "Daria? Sis? D-Daria?" Stacey asked as she looked around the room. She soon saw a pair of glasses on the floor. She gently reached down and picked them up. "Daria... Daria, no," Stacey whimpered, until the lights went off.

She looked around the room, her eyes darting back and forth between the various stuffed animal corpses. The room was deathly silent, and Stacey's breathing was controlled, but clearly nervous. A tingling sensation crawled up her spine as she listened for any sound. And then, she heard it: the cooing.

She didn't know which direction it was coming from, but is was close, very close. Her heart sped up as she backed up into a desk, before she looked up and saw feathers coming out of a vent. She backed up frantically, nearly falling over the other side of the desk, before getting up and running through the room.

Quinn's face flashed briefly between two stuffed owls on a table as the light of Stacey opening the door entered the room. Stacey slammed the door shut, but it bounced back open. Quinn was no longer between the owls when the light shined on them.

* * *

Stacey gasped and panted as she ran through the hallways, nearly tripping over herself before pushing herself back up. She looked over her shoulder and saw the tiles of the ceiling begin to fall out. Her eyes widened and her breathing quickened as she picked up her pace, almost running into a locker as she turned a corner.

She could hear the tiles falling behind her, rapidly now, almost catching up to her. She saw a small set of stairs that lead to the boiler room, cornered off by a rail. She quickly turned and made for the boiler room, only to cry out as her jacket got stuck on the rail. "Dammit!" Stacey cried as she tugged on her jacket, before she heard the cooing and looked up to see Quinn descending from the ceiling.

She quickly shed the jacket and grabbed the door handle, but it was locked. Quinn was gaining on her. Stacey ran back past the rail, but one of Quinn's PAK legs swiped her out from beneath her feet. Stacey rolled over and screamed as she saw the dome coming down for her.

* * *

** Later, In The Nurse's Office... **

Looking over at Quinn, Stacey held her torso in pain. "You-you won't get away with this," she whimpered. "Of courshe I will. More organsh meansh more Human. It _will_ work," Quinn retorted with a smug smile.

The nurse walked over and shooed the pigeon off of Quinn's head before placing a stethoscope on her. "Why, you're one of the healthiest children I've seen today, and with such _plentiful_ organs!" the nurse said. She then placed her stethoscope on Stacey's chest, before she heard the mooing of the receptionist's cow noise can. "It isn't human!" she cried out in terror before running away.

Soon, there were footsteps as Stacey saw Daria enter the room, holding her spare glasses on her face, glaring at Quinn. "My lung... give it back... now," she snarled. "Sincshe the organsh have sherved their purposhe... of courshe," Quinn replied. "No games. Or I will kill you," Daria threatened. There was a fire in her eyes that Quinn didn't doubt.

 _Well, next to Miss Bitters, I suppose Daria is clearly the second most dangerous human here_. Quinn hesitated one second too long, and found Daria's hands on her neck. "Now, before I reach in and pull them out of you!" Daria snarled. Stacey gave a weak smile at her sister, who, while normally docile, could be quite vicious if provoked properly. "Come on, cough it (cough) up!"

* * *

Ending Theme: Standing On My Neck, by Splendora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the sixth episode. The next episode won't anywhere near as nightmarish or nauseating, but I really had to get this out of my system. When I first saw the original Invader Zim episode, it gave me nightmares, and has done so ever since when I watch it. This was my way of trying to face that fear... while simultaneously giving other people nightmares. You're welcome.


	7. In The Heart Of Dumbness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Bennett's economics class is taking a field trip to the Millennium Mall. Quinn seizes this opportunity to both learn and and sabotage the humans' economy.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-007: In The Heart Of Dumbness

* * *

Date: Thursday, October 12th, 2097

"Okay, now as part of our economic studies, we're going to be taking a field trip to the Millennium Mall tomorrow so that we can observe the various components of the economy in action, with supply, demand, customers, and advertising, and so on and so forth," Mrs. Bennett said.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. _Yes, a study in the economics of the Earth is a perfect way to gather information on how to cripple them and bring the planet to its knees_ , she thought to herself as she listened to Mrs. Bennett speak. "Um, Mrs. Bennett?" Quinn asked while raising her hand, "Exactly how much time will be spent at this mall tomorrow?"

"Um, at least a few hours," Mrs. Bennett replied. Quinn smirked. _Excellent. That's plenty of time to gather information._ "Um, Mrs. Bennett, how exactly does traveling to a mall help us understand economics any better than the class material?" Stacey Morgendorffer asked her. "I mean, most people shop at malls all the time, so it's not really something that's worth going on a field trip," she finished.

"Shut _up_ , Stacey," Sandi Griffin snapped at her. "Yeah," added Tiffany Blum-Deckler, "You really should keep your big mouth shut." Jamie White raised a hand. "Yes, Mister White?" Mrs. Bennett asked him. "Um, should we bring money with us to the mall, you know, to uh... be... part of the, uh, eco... um thing that we're doing?" he asked.

"Why, that's an excellent question and idea!" Mrs. Bennett replied.

* * *

** After School, At Quinn's Base... **

Quinn looked up at the screen that showed the Almighty Tallests, Red and Purple, as they listened to her speak. "After gathering enough information about the economic systems, I can proceed with an operation to destroy and tamper with their financial data, throwing the humans into chaos and confusion! Humanity will be brought to its knees!" Quinn exclaimed with a cackle.

" _Uh-huh. That's nice, Quinn. Is there anything else you want to get out of your system before we end this transmission?_ " Red asked somewhat impatiently. "Hmm, yes. One of the humans, a female named Stacey-the one who discovered my identity when I first arrived- seems to have some differences from the other humans," Quinn said.

" _What, she's smart enough to see through your disguise. You've already told us this._ " "Yes, but when I was preparing to destroy her brain, I noticed some suppressed memories in there, and when I was harvesting organs the other week, I noticed that her internal structure was slightly... different from that of normal humans. This, combined with the discovery of her suppressed memories, has lead me to believe that the Stacey Human may not be exactly what she believes herself to be," Quinn explained.

" _And... you plan to tell her this and drive her insane or something?_ " Red asked her. "At some point, but only after I can find a way to gain access to those memories of hers. Until then, it's entirely possible that she may have had a surgical procedure at an early point in her youth because of some kind of accident. If that is the case, then she may still be completely human, and I will have nothing to hold over her," Quinn replied.

" _Wow, you actually want to take your time with something. That's new,_ " Red commented. "Nah, I'm only waiting until after this field trip thing is completed. Tormenting Stacey is definitely on my to-do list, but bringing the Earth to its knees takes top priority over anything else, unless my Tallests bring any requests to me, of course," Quinn said.

" _Uh, we'll let you know in the future if we need you to do something for us,_ " Red said blandly. " _Okay, well, we have other things to do. Bye, Quinn!_ " Purple said before the transmission was cut. "The Tallests approve of my plan! Yes!" Quinn said with glee as she clasped her hands together.

* * *

On board the Massive, Red and Purple sighed in relief as the video conference was over. "I hate talking with her," Red said grumpily. "Yeah, but seeing her plans blow up in her face is kind of amusing," Purple said. "True, but that hasn't happened enough for my liking. Should we check up on Skoodge to see if he's still alive?" Red asked.

"Skoodge? He's on Blorch! He's probably already dead!" Purple replied with a laugh. Red joined him in laughing at Skoodge's fate.

* * *

** Meanwhile, On Blorch, Home Of The Slaughtering Rat People... **

Skoodge opened his eyes briefly to look out of the window of his base. "It'll be night soon, and they mostly venture out here at night... mostly," he said to himself as he prepared his base's defenses again. His SIR unit was busy double checking some power conduits outside, since the Rat People tended to ignore Skoodge's SIR for some reason that he didn't quite understand yet.

He heard a beeping sound and looked over to see a monitor flashing the words "Incoming Transmission" multiple times. Skoodge made his way down to the lower level of the base where his main communication screen was located. He pushed a button and the Tallests faces appeared on his screen.

" _Wow, you're still alive,_ " Purple said in surprise. "Yes sirs!" Skoodge said proudly with a salute. " _So... no broken bones or missing chunks of flesh?_ " Red asked him. "Nope! I'm still in one piece!" Skoodge replied.

" **Warning, proximity alert! Warning, proximity alert!** " Skoodge looked around and ran over to a table to grab a plasma carbine. "Sorry Sirs, but they're attacking again!" Skoodge said. " _The Rat People are already onto you?_ " Red asked him. "Not just them, but the other things that inhabit this planet. Horrible things that even the Rat People fear!" Skoodge said with a tremble in his voice.

Red and Purple both raised an eyebrow. Skoodge pulled out a small communicator. "SIR, return to the base now!" Skoodge cried out.

* * *

"Tell me again. Why didn't we send _Quinn_ to Blorch?" Purple asked Red after they cut the transmission. "Skoodge had already been assigned by the time she arrived at Conventia. Besides, we have a betting pool going on how long it takes before Skoodge is finally killed, so we can't have her transferred there to replace him either," Red replied.

"Ooh! Can I get in on it?" Purple asked him. "Sure, but first, let's check on Invader Tenn. I wonder how she's doing?" Red replied.

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Househould, Later That Evening...**

"A mall?" Helen Morgendorffer asked her daughters. "Yeah. It's a strange place for a field trip, since I don't see how it can be educational," Stacey said. "I'll bet that Principal Li probably is getting something out of it. She's got to have a deal made with someone over there for some kind of monetary compensation or some kind of accolades," Daria said.

"Oh yeah, how can I forget? The "glory" of Laaawwwndale Hiiigghh!" Stacey said, quoting Principal Li. "Maybe it's her way of apologizing to the students for that horrible incident last week when the lunch special made everyone sick," Helen said. Daria and Stacey both paled at the memory of Quinn's organ-stealing spree. Stacey could still see Quinn's horrible smile as that dome descended upon her whenever she closed her eyes.

She still had nightmares about the event. "Um, could we, please, not talk about that?" Daria asked their mother. "Of course, Sweetie," Helen replied. "When did Dad say he was coming home?" Daria asked her mother. "He should be home in about an hour. One his experiments hit a snag earlier today," Helen replied just as the oven beeped.

She got up and walked over to the oven, opening the door before putting on the oven mitts to grab the pan of lasagna. "Joy of joys, lasagna again," Daria commented flatly. "Oh hooray," Stacey said flatly as well. "Oh come on, we had chicken last night, so there's nothing wrong with having lasagna again," Helen said as she placed the hot pan on a metal rack on the kitchen table, which was on top of a large flat oven mitt itself.

"Having only one different meal a week doesn't necessarily make that okay," Daria said. "Just eat it," Helen said as she got out a spatula and started removing sections to put on their plates. "So, Sis, exactly how many people in your class decided to use their brains and think about the implications of your field trip?" Daria asked Stacey.

"The only thinking that any of them did was about how much money they'll be taking with them tomorrow. Even _Quinn_ , of all people, seemed interested! Wait... why _was_ Quinn interested in this trip?" Stacey asked herself thoughtfully. "Quinn? Isn't that your foreign friend with the skin condition?" Helen asked Stacey.

Daria wanted to roll her eyes. "Yes. The _alien_ ," Stacey replied. "Legal or illegal?" Helen asked. "Oops, never mind that," she said. "I would guess 'illegal' but then that might be misconstrued as being insensitive, even if it _is_ technically accurate," Daria commented dryly.

* * *

Date: Friday, October 13th, 2097

Quinn looked out the window as the school bus passed by several buildings. She was making sure to memorize the landmarks being passed, in case she would need to find her own way back to the base that night on her own. She turned her head and looked at all of the other students sitting on the bus. Sandi and Tiffany were both sitting together, with Tori and Brooke both sitting in the seat in front of them.

Joey Hargrove and Michael Jefferson "Jeffy" Caboose were both sitting in a seat directly behind Jamie, who was talking animatedly to them while Jennifer Berman, a black girl with hair that was dyed red, was sleeping next to him in the seat. Samantha Kinner and Felicia Newark were sitting next to each other in a seat in front of Quinn.

Stacey Morgendorffer was sitting alone, as almost no one wanted to sit next to her. Sharon Benchley was sitting next to Ellie Sanders, who seemed to be doing okay with her cybernetic eyes. Quinn didn't dare try to give Ellie her old eyes back, on the off chance that she might begin obsessing over her again. Besides, they made for a neat looking display in that jar she had in her lab.

Looking near the front of the bus, Peter Hermann and Frankie Simmons were sitting together, looking at some kind of comic book, and in the seat behind them were Billy Horvits and Vance Conway. Quinn noticed Stacey glaring at her and turned her head back to look out the window of the bus as it made its way to the mall.

* * *

GIR looked across the small table in front of him and smiled at the small pig sitting in the chair on the other end. "Doo-dee-doo!" GIR sang as he poured the pig a small cup of tea. The pig looked at the drink and then back up at GIR. It blinked a few times before trying to grasp the cup with its feet.

"I gots it for ya!" GIR squealed before lifting the cup up to the piggy's mouth. The pig drank the tea before GIR set the cup back down. "Hey, Pig, I'm hungry. Do you like pork chops?" GIR asked the pig innocently. The pig stared at GIR with wide eyes. "I'm gonna make some pork chops! We're gonna have pork chops, Piggy!"

* * *

"Now, class, the mall may seem to be a simple entity of glass and bricks, but in its own way, it can be viewed as a living organism," Mrs. Bennett said as the bus neared its destination. "The modern day mall evolved when shopkeepers, or merchants as they were known, discovered the benefits of joining economic forces." The bus came to a stop very suddenly before it turned and pulled into the parking lot.

"Hey, we're here!" cried Brooke. "All right!" exclaimed Frankie. "Um, right, we're here. Now, where was I?" Mrs. Bennett asked herself. The bus soon pulled into a spot and the students, with Mrs. Bennett leading the way, departed.

"This place is _huge!_ " Sandi exclaimed. Quinn looked at the building, mildly impressed at its size. Of course, she had seen much larger facilities back on Irk. _Large it may be, but it is nonetheless simply a building. It has no special capabilities, and it cannot fly through space like The Massive. A pity that this may be the largest thing that these humans will ever see up close in their lives... at least until the Irken Armada arrives_ , Quinn thought to herself.

" **Welcome to the Millennium Mall! Formerly known as Mall Of The Millennium, this mall first opened its doors in the late nineteen nineties. At the time it was the third largest mall in the world. It is now the eighth largest mall on the planet. Please, enter our doors and explore all that we have to offer!** " "Don't forget to blow all of your money on cheap, worthless stuff along the way," Stacey snarked under her breath.

Quinn followed the rest of the class as Mrs. Bennett led them inside the building. Approaching a map, Mrs. Bennett tried to figure out where their first stop was located. "Okay, we're in area B, section Pink. We need to get to area C, section Orange, so to do that, we need to, um... okay, uh, we... I think... okay, we go through area L, section Blue and then, oh wait, that's the wrong level..." Stacey observed Mrs. Bennett as she tried to read the map of the mall, right as a roller coaster sped past them.

"They have a roller coaster inside the building?" Stacey asked rhetorically. "Wow, this place would be easy to get lost in," Vance muttered as he looked around at the various floors of the building. Mrs. Bennett grabbed a paper map and unfolded it as she called the class to follow her. "Um, Mrs. Bennett, do you actually know where we're going?" Quinn asked her.

"Yes. I'm just having trouble figuring out _how_ to get there," Mrs. Bennett replied. "That's kind of what I was refer-" "Ooh! A Fuzzy Wuzzy Wee-Bit shop!" Mrs. Bennett exclaimed, interrupting Quinn. "A Whatty whatty what?" Quinn asked in confusion as Mrs. Bennett ran over and pressed her face against the glass of the store.

Quinn looked back at the group and raised and eyebrow at Stacey, who merely shrugged. Their teacher's odd behavior had dampened their hostility toward one another temporarily, at least until Mrs. Bennett had regained her senses. "Right. We have a very important meeting with the mall executives," Mrs. Bennett said to herself as she looked at her map.

* * *

The students sat in a conference room, looking around at the décor while three mall executives stood up and talked to them. Stacey noticed the large mirror built into one of the walls. She looked down at a light switch and back at the mirror.

"Now," said one of the executives, "When you go into a mall, what do you look for?" "Wait, are you asking us in general, or do you what specific answers from each of us as individuals?" Stacey asked him. "Um... either would work, really," he said, before one of his co-workers nudged him in the ribs. "Oh, right! Um, I mean, what sort of qualities do you look for? What should the stores be like?" he asked.

"Wait, these kinds of questions sound familiar..." Stacey said under her breath. "There should be stores that only cater to the beautiful and popular people, so that when the popular people go in them, they can feel extra special knowing that there's a store that's only for them," Sandi said. Quinn raised an eyebrow.

"Wait... are you asking us _survey questions?_ " Stacey asked the executive, known by his name-tag as Gerald. "Well, what I mean is, how many times a year do you go to the mall?" Gerald asked her. Stacey's jaw dropped. "These _are_ survey questions! Are we getting paid for the market research then?" she replied.

"R-Research?" one of the other executives, labeled Cynthia, asked nervously. The third executive, mislabeled by his name-tag as Bab, remained quiet. "Now, Stacey, these mall executives have been nice enough to help educate us on mall economics," Mrs. Bennett said.

She turned to look at Gerald. "Tell us about flow, would you?" "Right," replied Gerald. Stacey looked over at the light switch and reached towards it. "Um, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Gerald said. "Why not? It's just a light switch, isn't it?" Stacey replied before flipping it.

The lights went off and three men could be seen behind the mirror. The lights were quickly flipped back on. "Um, the focus group is, well, a very, very important tool in mall management, and we simply thought that with a live demonstration such as, um, such as th-this, we-" "Do you mean to tell me that the Stacey-beast was correct and that we were being used by you?" Quinn asked with a raised eyebrow.

 _Nobody uses Invader Quinn without permission! No one!_ Quinn snarled at Gerald. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a coupon. "Here, how about a coupon for a free frozen yogurt?" Gerald asked her. "You insult my intelligence!" Quinn snapped fiercely. "Um, okay, how about a ten-dollar merchandise coupon?" Gerald asked nervously.

Quinn raised her eyes in anger and leapt across the room, stopping just in front of Gerald as she bared her teeth. "You are testing my patience, stink-beast! I and the other human dirt-children have already brought money for this excursion! I demand an apology for your conniving behavior!" Quinn said, her voice laced with venom.

Gerald dug into both pockets and pulled out two handfuls of coupons. "Okay, a twenty-dollar merchandise coupon for everyone in the class," Gerald said. "Were it not illegal on this part of the planet, I would rip your limbs out of their sockets and **beat you over your putrid head with them!** " Quinn roared angrily. "Out of the way, green girl!" Sandi exclaimed.

Quinn gasped in surprise when she was pushed out of the way by the other students, who were very excited about the coupons. Quinn looked back at the table, seeing that only Stacey remained seated, a disgusted look clearly written on her face. Quinn walked over to Stacey and looked at her carefully. "Tell me, Stacey, why do you not partake in the acceptance of such meager offerings like the rest of the dirt-children?" Quinn asked her.

"There's a principle involved," Stacey said. "A principle? You mean like Miss Li, or some kind of ideal?" Quinn asked her. "A set of values," Stacey replied. "I see," Quinn replied. "Quinn, Stacey; I want the two of you to observe traffic patterns at the food concessions. Sandi and Tiffany; I want the two of you to study and report back on shrinkage," Mrs. Bennett said.

"Huh? I'm not going to ruin my outfit by making it too small!" Sandi protested. "That's not what I meant," Mrs. Bennett said. "You see, shrinkage is a retailing term that refers to shoplifting. I'd like the two of you to observe its economic impact," Mrs. Bennett explained to her. "Wait, you want us to, like, watch people steal things?" Sandi asked her with a raised eyebrow. "That is _so_ wrong," Tiffany commented.

Mrs. Bennett began giving everyone else their assignments. "Now, we'll all meet back here at a quarter till three. Remember, it's area F, section Moss, level Three. F Moss Three, got it?" she asked the class. "Um... can we, like, have that written down on something?" Jeffy asked. "You know, in case we get that mixed up with the stuff we're supposed to be doing."

Mrs. Bennett sighed before asking for some note cards from the executives. She jotted down the information on each card before handing them out to her students. Stacey and Quinn looked at each other with narrowed eyes as they left the room with the rest of the class.

After the students were gone, Gerald slumped down against the wall. "I didn't expect to see teenagers with functioning brains today," Gerald said wearily. Cynthia shook her head. "It's a shame that Rankle was transferred the other month. He would have been in here in an instant when that green-skinned girl threatened you," she said. "Bab" merely sighed. "I need to use the bathroom," he grumbled before leaving the room.

* * *

Stacey and Quinn stood at the entrance of the food court. "Oh yeah, analyze traffic patterns at the food court," Stacey muttered. "I see no vehicles in here," Quinn stated. "She meant foot traffic. People walking around," Stacey clarified. Quinn looked over and noticed how Stacey was keeping her distance.

"What's wrong, Stacey? I'm not going to steal your lung again," Quinn said mockingly. "Do you ever get nightmares?" Stacey asked her. "Irkens don't need to sleep, so very rarely, if ever," Quinn replied with a smug expression. "Bitch," Stacey muttered. "Huh?" Quinn asked her.

"Nothing," Stacey replied. "So... notice any, um, patterns yet?" Quinn asked her after a few minutes. "Yeah. People enter the food court looking hungry, and then they leave while stuffing their faces," Stacey said. "Not all of them. Those two are leaving without consuming anything at all," Quinn stated, pointing at two people leaving the food court.

"Well, either way, we completed our assignment. I'd rather not spend any more time around you," Stacey said before walking away. Quinn watched from the corner of her eye as Stacey walked away, disappearing into the crowd of people walking around. _Good riddance. Now I can actually begin my mission_ , Quinn thought before looking for a secluded location out of sight from the humans.

She checked for the sight of any security devices as she made her way over to a corner near a set of bathrooms. Quickly checking to make sure that no one was heading her way, Quinn's PAK extended its legs and she gripped the metal grate of the ventilation duct. As she pulled herself in, she found that this duct was a little bit smaller than the one found in the high school, but it was still large enough for her to maneuver.

_Now, to find their financial data storage... stuff! First, I will copy all of their data to a portable storage unit in my PAK. After that, I will_ _**corrupt** _ _their computer systems and destroy their financial data! Let the first phase of Earth's take-over begin!_

* * *

Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie looked at the lingerie shop in awe. "Okay, remember the plan. If anyone asks, we each say that we're getting something for our girlfriend," Jeffy said. "Wait, are we all dating the same girl, or is it a different girlfriend for each of us?" Joey asked him. "The same girl, that way we can all remember it easier!" Jeffy said. "Yeah!" Joey said as he high-fived him.

"Wait, won't the employees get suspicious if we all claim to have the same girlfriend?" Jamie asked them. "Hey, that's right!" Jeffy said. "Okay, we each say a different girl," Jeffy said. "Got it, but is it a different girl each time someone asks, or the same girl?" Joey asked him. "Um, I guess the same girl each time you're asked," Jeffy said.

"Got it," Joey and Jamie said before the trio marched into Pamela's Closet. Joey looked over at the various bras on display and looked at the anatomically correct mannequins. "Oh... Just imagine Sandi wearing that," he said to himself. "Or Tiffany," he added with a smile.

Jeffy walked around, looking at thongs before he heard a feminine "ahem" coming from behind him. "Need some help looking for something?" asked a red-head who looked to be around his age. She didn't appear to be an employee. "Um... I-I was just, uh, l-looking for something f-for my, uh, my... g-girlfriend?" he replied nervously.

The girl saw through his lie. "Really, well... would you like someone to model this for you?" she asked him as she grabbed a red thong. She then took a hold of Jeffy's left hand, dragging him behind her into a changing room. "Now remember to be quiet," she whispered before closing the door behind them and locking it.

Meanwhile, Jamie was busy looking at the panties, stockings, and garter-belts on display. "Oh, wow," he said as he reached out to touch one. He heard someone muttering behind him and turned around to see a tall woman in a business suit with dark blue hair holding a pair of purple panties in her hands while testing their elasticity. "Hn, he'd go wild If he saw me wearing these tonight," she said to herself. Jamie picked up some kind of accent in her voice.

"Oh," Jamie exhaled. The woman quickly stiffened and turned around to glare at Jamie. She raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Excuse me, but why would a boy such as yourself be in a lingerie shop such as this?" she asked him. She definitely had some kind of European accent, and her purple eyes just added to her exotic appeal in Jamie's opinion. "Um... I was... looking for something for my girlfriend," Jamie lied.

"Really? What's her name?" she asked him. "Uh..." "That's what I thought, now get out of here before I throw you out of the shop myself," she said with a warning tone. "Y-Yes, Ma'am!" Jamie said with a gulp before he turned around and made his way out of the shop. She frowned as she saw another boy of the same age ogling the bras and the mannequins.

* * *

"So... what's a doo-dad?" Tori asked Brooke as they stood outside of The Doo Dad Shop. "I think it's supposed to be some kind of arts and crafts thing," Brooke replied. "Hmm... Maybe I can buy one for Miss Defoe and she'll give me a good grade for art class," Tori said. "Nah, I heard that she doesn't give out grades for gifts like some of the other teachers do," Brooke said.

"Aww, that sucks," Tori whined. "Hey, look! They have a Cashman's here!" Brooke exclaimed as she pointed over to the store. "Oh yeah!" Tori exclaimed excitedly. "Screw doo dads!" Tori said. Inside the door, an employee who had heard Tori's words silently looked down at the floor while a single, lonely tear strolled down his cheek.

* * *

"I have my mom's credit card with me," Sandi said haughtily as she and Tiffany walked into Cashman's. "Gold Card," she added. "You are so cool," Tiffany said as she felt around for the handful of dollar bills she had in her left pocket.

* * *

"Hey, Books By The Ton!" Jennifer said as she and Ellie walked inside. "Why are we going in here?" Ellie asked her. "Because I have a coupon for it and I'm not gonna' waste it!" Jennifer said as she looked around. "Hey, they have a coffee shop inside the bookstore! But there's a food court already inside the mall... why would they put a coffee shop inside another shop like that? Isn't that kind of redundant?" Ellie pondered out loud.

Looking over at the menu of the coffee shop, Ellie zoomed in and enhanced the text with her eyes. "Ooh... they have a caramel & vanilla swirl cappuccino! Caramel!" Ellie said to herself excitedly. She reached into her pocket and counted the cash that she had brought along with her before bounding over to the coffee shop.

* * *

"Finally," Quinn said as she dropped down into the data storage room. The servers were mounted on racks, with multiple rows and columns in the room, which was cold and had a fog-like mist near the floor. Quinn listened to the hum of machinery and fans around her as she made her way through the rows of computer terminals and data servers. "So much to do," she said before looking at her watch, "And so little time. I only have two hours left."

Quinn quickly extracted a portable storage unit from her PAK and modified the connector to fit the port of one of the servers. "Eh-heh!" she cackled as she looked at the small colored bar on the side of the unit being slowly filled up. "I love automatic software," she said to herself. "It makes everything so much easier."

* * *

Stacey looked around Books By The Ton as she picked out something for her sister. "I think she already has this one," she said to herself as she put a book back on the shelf. "Oh, here's one she'd like," she said. "Oh, wait... she already has Sons And Lovers. Putting that one back," Stacey said before moving on.

"Ooh!" she exclaimed as she saw the science fiction section. "A William Gibson collection!" she squealed with joy as she bounced up and down on her feet. She then looked down and saw a misplaced copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. "Hmm, I don't think she has any books in this particular series. That's it! I'll get her _this!_ " Stacey said before grabbing a second copy for herself. "Wait... William Gibson! And... Phillip K. Dick! Oh! Dick or Galaxy? Dick or Galaxy? Dick or Galaxy!? Aargh!"

Realizing that she had only brought enough money for three of the books at their retail price, Stacey began to hyperventilate as the dilemma raged through her mind. Two minutes later, she stopped, with a blank look on her face, before she quietly grabbed her book of choice and made her way over to the checkout counter.

* * *

"I think that's your tenth slice of pizza," Vance said as he watched Billy devour yet another slice of pizza. "Pizza is love. Pizza is life. Pizza is the key to happiness," Billy said. "Hmm, I thought chocolate was the key to happiness," Vance said thoughtfully. "No, it's pizza. Just accept it," Billy said before finishing his tenth slice and reaching for his eleventh one. "What if... someone made a pizza... out of _chocolate?_ " Vance asked rhetorically. Billy stopped chewing his slice as he thought about Vance's idea.

* * *

"Here ya go, Pig!" GIR said happily as he set a plate of pork chops down on the table for him and the pig. The pig looked at the pork chops with wide eyes before looking back at GIR. GIR merely smiled at the pig before sitting down and eating his pork chops by hand. "I made them Shake 'N' Bake style! All by myself!" GIR exclaimed happily.

* * *

"There! Finished at last," Quinn said as she detached the storage unit from the server. She then placed the storage unit inside of a small anti-static bag, and placed that inside of another anti-static bag, before placing it into the PAK. She then retrieved a small object, no larger than a finger, and placed it on top of the server. She retrieved five more of these objects and strategically placed them around the room.

"Hey," said a security guard. Quinn widened her eyes and looked at him. "What are you doing here?" he asked her. "Um... what are _you_ doing in here?" she replied. "What am I... I-I... **my mind!** " the security guard cried out as he clutched his head in pain before collapsing to the floor. Quinn quietly resumed her task.

After she was finished, she used her PAK legs to crawl back into the vent and retrieved a small remote from her PAK. She grinned as she pressed a button and watched as the small objects disassembled themselves, as they were in actuality collections of hundreds of tiny nanobots that would crawl inside of the computers and servers, and then release electro-magnetic pulses, destroying themselves in the process and leaving no evidence while also destroying the data on the servers, crippling the computer systems of the mall.

* * *

"Hmm, I still have twenty dollars left over," Stacey said to herself as she carried her bag full of books with her out of the food court. "I guess Chinese food from the mall isn't so bad," she said to herself as she retrieved a note card out of her pocket. "Area F, section Moss, level Three," she said as she read the note card.

* * *

"So, like, I was thinking we could-" "Um, excuse me, ma'am? We seem to be having a problem with our credit card system. Do you have any cash on you?" the cashier asked Sandi. "Um, what?" she asked in return. "There's a problem with our-" " **Attention Customers, due to technical difficulties, all of our online money handling systems are currently... unable to be used. Please use cash until this problem can be resolved. Thank you**."

"Oh noooooooooooooooo!" Sandi exclaimed in horror. "That is so wrong," Tiffany commented before staring at her reflection in a mirror. Soon, several of the lights throughout the store began to flicker, and many of the computer-controlled systems began to... malfunction.

* * *

Stacey looked around as she and the rest of the class arrived back with Mrs. Bennett. "Okay, well, it looks like the mall is having some problems today," Mrs. Bennett said as she watched the carts of people on the roller coaster whine and beg to be released. She looked over at Quinn as she rejoined the group with a satisfied smile on her face. She was also eating an ice cream cone. "Ah, hello my fellow students and teacher! Say, has anyone noticed anything unusual lately?"

"Yes! The mall's computer systems are acting weird, and their computerized money handling systems are all broken!" Tori Jericho exclaimed. "Oh my, what an awful situation," Quinn said blandly before she resumed eating her ice cream. Stacey raised an eyebrow at Quinn's attitude towards their current situation, but otherwise said nothing.

"So, where does-" The sprinkler system came on. "Yikes," Quinn yelped as she was pelted by the filtered water that was poured out by the sprinklers. "No, my ice cream! Curse you, water, curse yooouuuuuuuu!" Quinn screamed in anger. Stacey snickered at Quinn's predicament. _Figures. Judging by her behavior, I'd guess that she had a hand in whatever's going on, but for now... I'll just enjoy this quietly._

She heard panting and looked to see Jeffy running towards the group with a gigantic grin on his face. "Jeffy, your fly is open! Close that thing now!" Tori shouted at him. "Oops!" Jeffy said before zipping his fly. "Jeffy, what happened to you?" Jamie asked him. "Yeah, you, like, just disappeared after we entered... that store," Joey said.

"Guys. I am now a man," Jeffy said. Joey and Jamie gasped. "You mean... you mean?" "Yup. I had Snu-Snu." Stacey, Ellie, and Vance were the only ones who got Jeffy's reference, and thus were the only ones who chuckled at his words. "Alright, class, it's time that we made our way out of the mall," Mrs. Bennett said, carrying a large bag of Fuzzy Wuzzy Wee-Bits in her arm.

* * *

**The Morgendorffer Household, Later That Day...**

Daria looked up from the couch when she saw Stacey open the door and walk inside with a bag in her hands. "Hello," Daria said to her. "Hey, Sis. I got ya something at the mall today," Stacey said as she walked over to the couch and pulled a book out of her hands. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" Daria read the title aloud. "Yeah. I figured you might like it. I know it isn't classical literature or anything really deep and heavy, but I think you might enjoy it," Stacey said.

"Um... thanks," Daria replied. "I also got two books for myself while I was there! Also, I think that Quinn may have sabotaged the mall's computer systems, but she ended up being soaked after the sprinklers went off by accident," Stacey said. "Hmm, did she melt like the Wicked Witch of the West?" Daria asked her. "No, but her ice cream was ruined," Stacey replied.

"And that counts as some kind of victory for you?" Daria asked her. "Eh, I'll take what I can get," Stacey replied before sitting on the couch and taking out one of her other books. "A Scanner Darkly?" Daria asked as she looked at the cover of the book Stacey was reading.

"What can I say?" Stacey asked with a wink. "I like Dick."

* * *

" _My Tallests, I am proud to inform you that my first sabotage mission was successful,_ " Quinn said. Red and Purple sighed as they listened to her speech. " _I managed to corrupt and destroy the critical financial data housed within the servers of the Millennium Mall, one of the largest economic centers on the planet. I also managed to copy and retrieve some data as well, so that I can conduct proper research on it for later usage. Would you like me to send some of the data to you?_ "

"Um... that's a nice offer, but we, uh, need some time to think about it. We also have to check up on so many of the other invaders too, you know?" Red replied. " _Of course, My Tallests! Invader Quinn, signing off!_ "

"I don't believe it," Red said. "What?" Purple asked him. "She actually completed an infiltration mission without screwing up! Everything else that she's done has backfired or caused some kind of horrible destruction around her, especially when she was around her fellow Irkens!" Red exclaimed. "Maybe this was just a fluke," Purple suggested.

"You're right. She just got lucky this time," Red said. "Next time, she'll probably blow herself up by accident while calling us," he added. "Yeah. Hey, let's check on Skoodge. I wanna see if he's dead yet," Purple said.

"Patch us through to Skoodge on Blorch," Red said to his communications officers. "Yes Sir," they said in unison. " _My Tallests! I'm alive! I'm alive! I've never been so happy to have a SIR unit by my side! Especially one with a saw blade!_ " Skoodge said with tears in his eyes. He was covered in what looked like slime or some kind of substance.

"Um... hey, Skoodge," Red said reluctantly. "I see that you're, um, alive. So... what's up?"

* * *

Ending Theme: Standing On My Neck, by Splendora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, episode seven. It was originally going to be called in the Mall of Darkness, as a reference to the book, In The Heart of Darkness, but I didn't think I had enough plot similarities or references to actually warrant that title.


	8. Dumb Times At Lawndale High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Football "legend" Tommy Sherman has come to visit Lawndale for a special occasion.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-008: Dumb Times At Lawndale High

* * *

Date: Tuesday, October 17th, 2097

Quinn grimaced as the camera flashed. "Okay, next!" the photographer said as Quinn got up and walked away from the auditorium stage. "Stupid human picture day," she muttered as she walked past several students waiting in line to have their pictures taken.

She listened to the conversations of the other students around her. Sophomore students were just being herded into the auditorium as the last of the freshmen students were having their pictures taken. "Can you believe it, Mack Daddy? The _man_ is coming back!" Kevin Thompson exclaimed.

Quinn slowed down her walk. "Yes, and stop calling me that," Mack replied wearily. "Tommy Sherman! Tommy Sherman! He's coming back to Lawndale this week!" Kevin continued. "You know, too much hero worship isn't healthy," Mack said. Quinn listened intently.

"But Mack Daddy, Tommy Sherman brought home the state championship!" Kevin ranted. "Yes, I'm well aware, Kevin. Jodie is preparing a speech about it," Mack said. "Oh, hey, do you think she would like some pointers? You know, from a quarterback's point of view?" Kevin suggested. "I'll ask her about it when there aren't any sharp objects near her," Mack said.

"Hey, green-skinned girl! Tommy Sherman is coming to visit Lawndale tomorrow!" Kevin said after he noticed Quinn. "Tommy... Sherman?" Quinn asked him. "Yeah! The coolest person ever!" Kevin exclaimed. "Interesting," Quinn said. She'd paid attention to Mack's behavior and noticed how only Kevin seemed truly excited.

_Perhaps he is simply weary of the Kevin's constant talking. I shall have to learn more about this Tommy Sherman and see if perhaps I could find some use for him. These humans do love their sports, and if Tommy Sherman is a... sports hero, then perhaps finding a way to control him will help me with my mission_ , Quinn thought to herself.

* * *

** Later, Inside Quinn's Base... **

"A football player who's most notable trait was his constant running into goal posts," Quinn said to herself. "Unimpressive. Hmm... during the playoffs in the week before the state championship, he scored the winning touchdown and hit the goal post so hard that his helmet cracked open. He was unconscious for six days, but woke up on the seventh day just in time to play the final game and ended up winning the state championship," Quinn read out loud.

"So, even his greatest achievement is still connected to him hitting his head." "I like hitting my head!" GIR said happily. "Yes, I'm very much aware of that," Quinn said absently as she continued reading. "I'm gonna go make some brownies!" GIR exclaimed before running off. "Mmhm, yeah, whatever," Quinn said. Everything else that she had read about Tommy Sherman was otherwise unimpressive.

"So... controlling him really wouldn't do anything for me except perhaps let me use that Kevin boy as a puppet. Then again, using him as a puppet would be rather easy under any set of circumstances, all things considered," Quinn mused out loud. "Perhaps... I must observe him personally to see if there is anything truly remarkable about him. He arrives at the school tomorrow, and the ceremony for his new goal post... that would be near the middle or end of the day."

"I should prepare my tools now. It will do me no good to come up with a plan and not have something prepared if it should fail," Quinn said to herself as she grabbed a pen and paper and started writing. "Wait... why were these already on my work table?" she asked herself, before she saw a jar of peanut butter. She sniffed the pen.

"GIR! What have I told you!? Writing utensils are for _writing!_ They are _not_ for _eating!_ " Quinn shouted. " **Quinn, GIR is already in the kitchen on the ground level** ," the computer said. Quinn growled angrily before making her way over to an elevator.

After arriving in the kitchen, Quinn stomped over to GIR and looked at the robot as he made his brownies. "GIR, how many times do I have to..." She trailed off as she looked at the various ingredients that GIR had strewn about the kitchen table. Picking up a box of brownie mix, she observed that many of the items on the table were not on the ingredients list.

"GIR, I don't think that barbecue sauce and walnuts are proper ingredients in brownies," Quinn said with a hint of disgust. "I don't care!" GIR chirped happily. "Well, you are a robot, so I guess these wouldn't hurt you. Just don't feed these to _me_ , okay? And if a human were to eat them, I can only imagine what they would... heh, heh-heh. Yes..."

* * *

Date: Wednesday, October 18th, 2097

"I don't get it," Daria said as she and Jane walked into school. Stacey was right behind them. "I mean, what's so important about this football guy? Is it because he could hit his head on a goal post so many times and not die?" Daria asked. "Your guess is as good as mine, but really, our country loves its sports. It doesn't matter if the person is a moron, as long as they're good at a sport, then they're a god in the eyes of the people," Jane replied.

"That's just sad," Daria commented. "I know, but that's the truth," Jane said. "He's here! He's here!" they heard Kevin Thompson shouting joyously through the hallways. "Would it be against my persona to actively seek him out in order to put duct tape over his mouth?" Daria asked Jane. "It wouldn't be against _mine_ ," Stacey said.

"As if he'd let you get near him," Daria said. Stacey made her way over to where her own locker was as she spied Quinn holding a bag. "What's in the bag?" Stacey asked her warily. "Oh, Stacey," Quinn said smarmily. "I've just got a... present for the Sherman-human," Quinn said.

"Tell me, Stacey, what is your opinion of this... Tommy Sherman?" Quinn asked her. "I don't know anything about him other than that he plays football. Why?" Stacey asked. "Tell me, if a football player were to become sick, how would most of the school react?" "I don't know, and I really don't care," Stacey replied. "What are you up to?" Stacey asked Quinn.

"Oh, just an experiment. Don't worry, though, I'm only limiting it to one test subject... for now," Quinn said with a grin. "You're going to use Tommy Sherman as your test subject," Stacey said flatly. "WHO TOLD YOU!?" Quinn demanded. "Um... you did... by accident," Stacey said before continuing to her locker.

"It's just as well. Stacey has already demonstrated herself to not share the same values as her peers, so of course she won't care about this... sport... guy," Quinn said to herself as she traversed the hallways in order to find Tommy Sherman. _Just remember to only give him_ _ **one**_ _of GIR's abominable brownies_ , Quinn thought to herself. _A small one, too, just to be safe. No point in killing the test subject early._

* * *

As Brittany Taylor was tying her shoe laces, she saw a shadow on the ground in front of her. After tying the last knot, she slowly stood up and looked at the muscular blond man in front of her. He had a nose that had been broken one too many times. "Um... hello?" Brittany asked him. "Hello yourself, beautiful. I see that there's one thing about Lawndale football that's improved since I was unanimously voted as the most valuable player: the _cheerleaders_ ," he said with a smirk.

"You're Tommy Sherman!" Brittany said with a gasp. "My boyfriend is a huge fan of you! In fact, he's your _biggest_ fan!" Brittany exclaimed. "Really?" Tommy asked. "Yeah! He's Kevin Thompson, the current quarterback for the Lawndale Lions!" Brittany replied. "He practically worships you!"

"Hmm, that's cool. Say, I'm being put up at the Lawndale Manor. What do you say we go back there? I'll order you some champagne, and then we can get horizontal so you can find out just how big a hero I really am?" Tommy suggested.

"W-What?" Brittany asked him, shocked. "Didn't you hear me? My _boyfriend_ is your biggest fan," she said to him. "So... he'd like to watch? That's kind of weird," Tommy said, before Brittany slapped him across the face and stormed off. "Okay, okay! He can watch!" Tommy shouted at her retreating form.

"Pff, whatever," he said to himself. From a corner, Quinn had been watching the scene with interest. She quickly ducked out of sight as Tommy Sherman made his way around the corner in search for more girls to hit on. He walked right past her without a glance.

_It's truly a shame that someone with such height could be so stupid_ , Quinn thought to herself. _Still, I should observe more... after my next class. I must not arouse suspicion in the teachers by missing classes. It would be far too much trouble to explain what I'm doing if they question me._

* * *

"Mr. Sherman," Angela Li said with a smile as he sat down in the teacher's lounge, "I must say that it truly is an honor to have you back at Llaaawwndale Hiiigh!" _She's still talking like that? Geez, her announcements over the PA must take, like, forever_ , Sherman thought to himself.

"And with you, the winner of the state championship, here today, Lawndale High will receive even greater honor and glory, especially with the Tommy Sherman Goal Post we'll have erected on the field!" Miss Li said. _Hmm, she didn't do it that time_ , he thought.

* * *

After first period, Tommy Sherman was once again roaming the halls. "Hey, Tommy Sherman!" cried the voice of Kevin Thompson as he made his way over to his hero. "That's my name, don't wear it out," Tommy said. "I'm your biggest fan!" Kevin exclaimed with a smile. Tommy looked him over with a snort.

"I doubt that, unless the rest of them are pygmies!" he said. "I'm Kevin Thompson. This is Michael Jordan Mackenzie," Kevin said, oblivious as ever. "Michael _Jordan_ , dude?" Tommy asked Mack. "It was originally Jackson, but after my dad became a fan of basketball, he had the name legally changed to Jordan," Mack replied with a frown.

"Harsh," Tommy said with the barest hint of sympathy in his voice. "So, what, are you guys on the intramural squad or something?" Tommy asked them. "Varsity, Dude! I'm the QB!" Kevin replied. Tommy actually began laughing at this, with Kevin soon joining him. Tommy soon stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow at Kevin.

"Um, why are you laughing?" Tommy asked him. "Well, why are you?" Kevin asked him in return. "I'm just picturing a scrawny little guy like you trying to play for some third-rate junior college somewhere and getting your butt kicked every week," Tommy explained. "Oh yeah, that is funny!" Kevin said, oblivious to the insult.

"No, Kevin. No, it isn't," Mack said with a frown. Kevin soon noticed Brittany walking down the hallway. "Hey, Britt! Have you met Tommy Sherman?" Kevin asked her. "Yes!" Brittany cried out before running away. "Wait, what's wrong, Babe?" Kevin asked as he chased after her.

"What's her problem? Did someone light the bimbo signal or something?" Tommy asked. Mack frowned at him. "Pleased to make your acquaintance," Mack said with disgust in his voice. He quickly walked away.

Quinn, watching this scene from a distance, prepared to head to her next class. She would have to try to catch Sherman alone later. As she prepared to leave, she remembered that she would have to go towards Sherman in order to reach her next class. _It's as good a chance as any_ , she thought to herself, until she saw Stacey heading her way, heading to her next class as well.

Tommy saw the girl and stepped in front of her. _I have to wait again_ , Quinn thought in annoyance.

"So, you're kind of cute. Wanna come with me to the Lawndale Manor later on tonight? I'll have champagne," Tommy said to Stacey. "Um, who are you?" Stacey asked him. "I'm Tommy Sherman," he replied proudly. "Ah, the neanderthal that the school is going gaga over," Stacey said derisively. "What did you just say?" Tommy asked her darkly.

_Actually, this could be interesting_ , Quinn thought as she watched.

"I called you a neanderthal, unless you don't know what that means, which, considering the amount of brain damage you've probably taken in your life, is quite probable." Tommy snorted at her comment. "Heh, I know your type. You're one of those brooding goth-wannabe types. You don't go full goth, but you still play that whole cruel world shtick and pretend that you're above it all so that no one realizes that you're just a loser. You know what? Tommy Sherman doesn't have to listen to a loser like you. And you know what? That pony tail of yours makes you look stupid," he said before turning around.

"It does _not_ make me look stupid! It makes me look _**cool!**_ " Stacey whined. "It _does!_ " she insisted to herself. Tommy Sherman quickly ran into Quinn as he passed the corner. "Whoa... um, what's up with your skin?" he asked her. "It's a skin condition," Quinn lied. "Huh. You know... you look a little exotic. Are you from Europe or someplace?" Tommy asked her. "She's an alien," Stacey said as she passed them by.

"So... a foreign chick, eh? Hot," Tommy said, almost forgetting that Stacey had just insulted him earlier. His whole tone of voice had Quinn creeped out and repulsed. He quickly took her hand. "Don't touch me, stink-beast!" Quinn snapped before pulling her hand back. "What?" Tommy asked her. "I mean, would you like a brownie?" Quinn asked with a false-cheery attitude.

"Sure!" Tommy said as Quinn handed him a small brownie from her bag. She smirked as she watched him place it in his mouth and chew. "This tastes kind of weird, but it's not too bad," Sherman said. "You don't... feel sick? No horrible cramps? Nothing?" Quinn asked him.

"No, why?" Sherman replied. "Uh... they were... my first attempt at cooking!" she lied. "Oh, well not bad. Say, why don't you and I go back to Lawndale Manor and I'll show you what else I like to eat," Tommy said with a grin. Despite her relative awkwardness with the language, Quinn understood Sherman's undertones quite well.

"No. I don't think so," Quinn replied in a firm tone, with her back straight and her eyes facing dead ahead, much like a proud soldier. "Why not?" Sherman asked her. "I would rather... go back to my place," Quinn said with a smirk. "Cool," Sherman said.

Quinn heard the bell ring just then, and headed off to her next class. _Now... to simply wait until the end of the day and lure Tommy Sherman somewhere to begin the experiments... after making sure that he isn't dead from GIR's brownies before school ends, of course._

* * *

"And that is why we have erected this goal post to honor Tommy Sherman and all that he has given to Lawndale High," Jodie Landon said, hiding her disgust with a smile that would make The Joker uncomfortable. "Hey, Daria, wouldn't it be funny if that goal post were to split apart as soon as Jodie had finished the speech?" Jane whispered.

"It probably would have been, just to see Miss Li's face when her monument of honor and glory falls apart in front of everyone," Daria replied quietly. Daria heard a growl next to her and turned her head to see Stacey glaring at Tommy Sherman. "Um, Stace? I know it isn't fair that a neanderthal such as Tommy Sherman gets so much honor, but at least wait until we get home to snarl and roar," Daria said.

"That bastard propositioned me. I told Miss Li about it, but she said that without any witnesses or evidence, she won't do anything, and then she gave me detention for daring to tarnish the honor and glory of Lawndale High's esteemed football champion!" Stacey muttered. Daria's eyes widened. "He did _what!?_ " she asked her.

"He's propositioned everyone in the school, even that androgynous kid, Jonathan," Jane said to her. "Don't worry, after today, he'll probably fade into obscurity," Daria said. "Hell, he might not even live much longer either," Jane said.

Stacey began to chuckle then. "Stacey?" Daria asked her. "I just remembered. Quinn... is planning on using Tommy Sherman as a test subject for something," Stacey said. "Um, I thought you didn't like Quinn," Jane said. "I don't, but I also don't like Tommy Sherman either," Stacey replied. She looked down a few rows and saw Quinn sitting by herself.

"Now, Mr. Sherman, is there anything you'd like to say?" Miss Li asked him. "Yeah... if you ever eat a brownie given to you by a stranger, make sure that there's a bathroom nearby or within a few minutes walking distance," Tommy said with a grimace. In the audience, Quinn raised an eyebrow. _So... GIR's brownie_ _ **did**_ _have an effect on him, although it clearly was not fatal. If he can survive GIR's cooking... then he'd make an excellent subject for various experiments_ , Quinn thought to herself with a small smirk.

"Now, as a special announcement, Mr. Sherman will spend the rest of the week helping out as an assistant P.E. coach, so I expect all of you to show him the proper respect," Miss Li said into the Megaphone. Quinn raised her other eyebrow. _I can't just let a test subject roam around unsupervised! I'll... wait, I know what I'll do. I have the technology, after all..._

* * *

**Later, at Quinn's Home Base...**

"Welcome, Mr. Sherman, to my... home," Quinn said with a dark smile. "Huh, kind of small," Tommy said. "So, which way to the bedroom?" he asked Quinn. "Bedroom? I'm sorry, but there won't be any bedroom antics," Quinn said with a dark chuckle. "Computer, lock the doors and windows!" Quinn called out. Tommy looked around as locks sprouted from the walls and covered the door and windows. The floor beneath him and Quinn began to spin as it turned into an elevator that took them downstairs.

"W-What's going on!?" Tommy Sherman cried out in confusion. Quinn turned around to face him and removed her disguise. "What the hell!?" he cried. "You remember when the dirt-child named Stacey called me an alien? Well, she was technically correct," Quinn said. "And guess what? I'm in dire need of test subjects for experimentation," Quinn added with a wicked smile.

Tommy's eyes widened in fear as Quinn's PAK legs shot out and brought her into the air above him. "First... we'll need to get you ready for tomorrow," Quinn said with a grin.

* * *

"And Miss Li wouldn't do anything about it!" Stacey said to her mother. "I'll go in there tomorrow and talk to her about-" Helen was interrupted by her phone ringing. "Hello? Yes, Eric? Uh-huh. Mm, right. Sure, I can have all of them organized by lunch tomorrow. You bet I will, bye!" Helen said before she hung up the phone.

"Whew! now, what were we talking about?" she asked Stacey. Stacey just walked away and went upstairs. "Stacey?" Helen asked her daughter. Her only response was Stacey slamming her door shut. "Was it something I said?" Helen asked Daria as she turned around. "Well... I guess that's a matter of perspective," Daria replied with a glare.

"Tell me, _Helen_ ," Daria said as she stood up from the kitchen table, "Who is more important to you? Your daughters, or Eric Schrecter?" Daria then walked away from the table and went upstairs, opening Stacey's door and waltzing inside to talk to her sister. "Well... I guess I screwed up again, didn't I?" Helen asked herself as she sat down.

" _Oh, come on, Stacey! You are too old to call someone a poopie-head!_ " she heard Daria exclaim from upstairs. " _Well, it's true!_ " Stacey replied. " _Stacey, you're fifteen! The proper term for you to use is_ _ **shit-head!**_ " Daria said. "Not in my house, young ladies!" Helen exclaimed as she began making her way to the stairs.

* * *

Date: Thursday, October 19th, 2097

Outside the school, on the football field, before school was set to begin, dozens of students were milling around. Tommy Sherman had shown up to sign autographs for his fans, since apparently most of them somehow were able to read and write. Shockingly, Kevin Thompson was among these literate beings.

Meanwhile, Daria and Jane had decided to stay outside and snark at the goal post and its many admirers. Stacey had already gone inside the school. Currently, Daria and Jane were whispering to each other while watching Kevin drag Mack over to the goal post.

"Man," Kevin Thompson said in awe, "Just look at that goal post! It's glorious, just like Tommy Sherman!" "Except that it says Tommy _Sheridan_ ," Mack pointed out to Kevin. "What?" Kevin asked him. "Look," Mack said as he pointed to the plaque on it. "In honor of state championship winner Tommy **Sheridan!?** " Kevin read out loud.

Kevin began whining loudly, causing many of his peers to come over to find out what had upset him so much. Daria and Jane both looked at the plaque. They both began to chuckle at the misnaming on the plaque. "Well, what do you know? There really is some kind of justice in the world after all," Jane said with a smirk.

Kevin turned around as he moped, and soon cried out. "Tommy, look at what they did to your goal post!" Tommy Sherman walked forward and frowned as he read the plaque. "It _is_ a rather fine post, isn't it?" Sherman asked with a grin. "No, I mean, look at what they wrote about you!" Kevin exclaimed. Tommy leaned forward to read the plaque. "What!? Who did this!?" he roared. "What idiot misspelled my name!? I'll kill them!" he shouted as he grabbed the goal post and shook it with tremendous strength. "Holy crap!" Jane exclaimed.

"Look out!" someone cried. Everyone looked up to see the goal post leaning forward before it toppled over. There were screams as various students scrambled around the field to see who was injured and called for help. After several of the faculty arrived outside, it was clear that only three people had been hurt. Daria's left leg had been trapped under the one end of the goal post, while Mack's left arm had been injured when he had tripped over someone else as he had been backing away.

The third person to be injured... was Tommy Sherman, who had been crushed by the goal post. Kevin Thompson was kneeling by his side, crying his eyes out and screaming at the sky in anguish at the death of his hero. "Whyyy!? Why did Tommy Sherman have to die!? Why couldn't it be someone unpopular, who no one would miss!? Why couldn't Tommy just be injured or something!?" Kevin cried out.

Meanwhile, Mr. DeMartino and Jane were busy trying to help Daria get her leg out from under the end of the goal post. "Why!?" they heard Kevin crying. "Why can't you SHUT your DAMN TRAP!?" Mr. DeMartino shouted at Kevin as he managed to lift the post just enough for Daria's leg to have room.

"Go on, Miss Morgendorffer, move your leg," DeMartino said. "I-I can't!" Daria cried. "It's broken," she said with a hiss of pain. "Miss Lane, drag Daria away from the post, now! The adrenaline will only stay in my system for so long!" Mr. DeMartino exclaimed. "I got ya!" Jane said as she grabbed Daria by her shoulders and dragged her back before Mr. DeMartino let the end of the goal post fall back to the ground.

"Miss Lane, please escort Miss Morgendorffer to the nurse's office," Mr. DeMartino said. "I'll stay out here and make sure that no one does anything stupid," he added. Meanwhile, watching the scene from an open doorway was Quinn. She had a small smile on her face as she watched Kevin Thompson cry over "Tommy Sherman."

"Truly, I could not have planned this any better," she whispered to herself in satisfaction. "What's going on!?" Stacey cried as she ran over to the doorway and saw Jane and Mack, despite his injury, carrying Daria toward the building. She didn't even register Quinn's presence as she ran toward her sister.

Meanwhile, back at the goal post, Mr. DeMartino was kneeling down on the ground, looking at the body of Tommy Sherman. "Damn, how the hell did you... what the?" he asked as he saw one of Tommy's eyes on the ground. There was no blood around it. In fact, the eyeball wasn't even organic. "The hell?" DeMartino asked himself.

He soon heard the sounds of zaps and sparks and buzzing and saw that Tommy Sherman's face was missing some skin, revealing a metal endoskeleton underneath. "There are no records of Tommy Sherman having cybernetic surgery or prosthesis! This... this is a robot designed to look like him. So, where's the real Tommy Sherman?" Anthony DeMartino asked himself.

* * *

**Meanwhile, Inside Quinn's Base...**

"Hey, let me out of here!" Tommy Sherman shouted as he pounded on the inside of the specimen tube where Quinn had stuck him. "At least give me something to eat!" he pleaded with GIR, who was munching on a box of cookies as he watched Tommy Sherman. "Hi!" GIR chirped happily as he waved at Tommy Sherman.

"Someone get me out of heeeeeeeeere!"

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stacey finds herself suffering from horrible nightmare visions while getting ready for Halloween, unfortunately, these aren't so much visions as dimensional jumps, and if she can't find a way to stop them, she might become trapped in them... permanently.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-009: The Halloween Spectacular of DOOM!

* * *

Date: Friday, October 27th, 2097

Quinn paused as she watched the younger elementary school students walking by her on the street in the morning. Many of them were dressed up in an unusual manner. For the past week, she had been busy in her lab when not in school, mostly because she was testing Tommy Sherman's resistance to various foods that GIR cooked.

_Why are the children dressed up so strangely? Is there an Earth custom that I am not aware of taking place today?_ When Quinn finally arrived at Lawndale High School, earlier than many of the other students, she noticed that none of the students who were there with her were dressed up. _Perhaps it is an age-related custom? Then again, with Principal Li's obsession with security, she may view the dressing up in strange attire as a potential risk, and thus not allow it._

Quinn marched to her locker and gathered the necessary supplies for her classes. She didn't really need them, since her PAK stored everything that she learned, but the books and pencils were useful for keeping up appearances. They helped her blend in better with the student population.

* * *

"So," Jane began as she and Daria walked to school, "I hear that you were invited to Brittany Taylor's Halloween party. How'd you manage that?" "I have no idea. Wanna come with me?" Daria replied. "Sure. A good party-crashing may be just the thing I need for my latest art project. It could give me some neat ideas," Jane said.

* * *

"I trust that everyone who goes trick-or-treating tonight will behave themselves," Miss Bitters said as she eyed everyone in her classroom. "I remember once when I was a little girl, I had dressed up as a fairy princess for Halloween. Everything was so nice and beautiful... but then it all went horribly wrong!"

"Um, Miss Bitters?" Quinn asked hesitantly, "I was wondering, just at what age is it that most people... _stop_ dressing up for this... trick-or-treating thing?" A small number of students raised their eyebrows and whispered to each other at her question. "Usually around middle-school age, unless you're trick-or-treating with friends or with family members. People still dress up for parties on Halloween, usually as a strange contest to see whose costume is better," she replied.

"I see..." "Hey, where's miss rants-a-lot?" Sandi asked as she noticed that Stacey hadn't made any remarks about Quinn's question. She was given an answer in the form of a terrified scream in the hallways, growing louder as it got closer. The door to the room eventually opened and Stacey hurriedly shut it behind her.

Stacey was covered in sweat and was panting with wide eyes. "S-Sorry I'm late, Miss Bitters. I was having... _horrible... nightmare visions!_ " Stacey said. "It's called _life_ , Stacey, now take your seat!" Miss Bitters said. Stacey hobbled over to her desk and sat down, her eyes constantly glancing all around her.

Quinn raised an eyebrow at Stacey's behavior, but otherwise said nothing. "Now, students, when I was an elementary school teacher, I noticed every year that the commercialization of the holidays, not just Halloween, had gotten worse with almost every passing year. Eventually, instead of being a holiday for people to dress up and and have fun, it is now simply a commercial ploy to turn people into candy-starved zombies!" Miss Bitters said.

"It's been this way for almost seventy years, and it just gets worse and worse. _Doom. Doom. Doom_ ," she said creepily. "Um... okay," Jamie said uncertainly. "You know, Stacey's acting crazier than normal today," Tiffany said to Sandi.

Quinn heard Stacey muttering before she saw something incredibly disturbing. Stacey's arms and legs began to fade away in the air, and Stacey was gasping in panic. Quinn's eyes widened as she watched this spectacle that almost none of the other students seemed to notice. _How can none of them see what's happening!?_ Stacey gave out a final cry of terror before she disappeared, and Quinn backed away in her seat and cried in shock.

* * *

Stacey looked around at her surroundings and wept in terror at the things she saw coming towards her. "N-No! Stay away! Stay away!" she cried. "Get away from me! Noooo!"

* * *

"Um, what's up with Quinn?" Sandi asked. There was a zapping sound and a flash of light, before Quinn looked over an saw Stacey return to her seat. "Monsters!" Stacey shouted, "Hideous monsters!" "Miss Bitters!" Sandi called. "Huh? Yes, Sandi?" Miss Bitters replied.

"Can we send Stacey to the Crazy House For Girls?" she asked. "You know that each class only gets three crazy passes a month. Are you sure you want to use one?" Miss Bitters asked her. "Help me! Help me!" Stacey cried as Sandi glanced at her. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure," Sandi replied almost nonchalantly.

Miss Bitters retrieved a card from her desk drawer and pressed a button that caused the middle of her desk to flip over, revealing a metal box with a card-slot in it. Miss Bitters inserted the card and retrieved a collar with blinking red lights from the machine. Walking over to Stacey, she placed the collar around the girl's neck.

"W-What's going on!?" Stacey cried. "I've activated the crazy card. The white coats will be here any mom-," Miss Bitters said, just as the door was pushed open and two people wearing uniforms entered the class room. "That was faster than normal," Sandi muttered as the two people approached Stacey and dragged her out of the room.

After they got outside, the two Crazy House Officers opened the back door of the van and threw Stacey inside before closing it and locking it. They quickly entered the front cabin and drove away from the school. Stacey rolled around and clambered over to the bars of the small window between the padded space and the cabin.

"Listen, you don't understand!" Stacey said. "If there's one thing we understand, kid, it's insanity," the female officer said in a somber tone. Stacey let go of the bars before gasping as he hands began to fade. "No, not again! Not agaaaiiinnn!" she screamed before disappearing from the padded space. "You hear something?" the driver asked his partner.

* * *

Stacey opened her eyes and looked around, seeing that she was still in the Crazy Van, although it was noticeably different, with spikes jutting out of the roof and a dark, gray and purple color scheme. The sky outside was dark as well. "Where am I? Where am I!?" she screamed.

"She's the one!" she heard a gruff and horrible voice say. Stacey looked at the two Crazy House officers, or the people sitting in their place. "She's the one with the flashing neck! The one we've been waiting for!" "She said she'd come, and she has!" said the other one.

"W-Waiting? Who's waiting?" Stacey asked them. "Shh! We're trying to be spooky!" said one of the monsters as it turned its head to look at Stacey. Stacey fell back and propped herself up on her hands. The two monsters began talking to each other in hushed tones, occasionally glancing back at Stacey.

Stacey began to fade back to the real world as she decided to get some answers.

* * *

"Who's been waiting for me?" Stacey asked. "Huh? Huh!?" "Poor girl," the female officer muttered as the van continued on its way. "Huh!? Huh!? Huh!? Huh!?" "What are you talking about?" asked the driver. "You! You were just-and I was... oh, never mind," Stacey said as she put her head in her hands.

* * *

"And why did they take her away?" Daria demanded of Miss Bitters during lunch break. "Your sister's crazy. End of discussion, Miss Morgendorffer," Miss Bitters said. "She is _not_ crazy. She may be eccentric, but she is _not_ crazy," Daria said firmly. "Believe what you like, Daria, but she's in the hands of medical professionals now," Miss Bitters said before she sent Daria away.

* * *

"Now, Stacey, please tell us about these 'reality jumps' as you call them," said a doctor in a small room. Stacey was strapped to a gourney while several doctors and scientists stood around looking at her. "Well, it started last night," Stacey began. "Yes, go on," said the doctor. "See, I was fiddling around with my dad's dimension viewer in order to see various alternate realities and dimensions. With Halloween coming up, I wanted to get some cool costume ideas for this party that's being held on Halloween night at Brittany Taylor's place. It's the first party that I've been invited to since moving here," Stacey said.

"Interesting. Are you all taking notes on this?" asked the head doctor. "Yes. Dimension viewer, costume ideas, party on Saturday," said one of the other doctors. "Very well. Now, Stacey, please continue," said the head doctor. "Well, while viewing one dimension, I decided to triple the output of the machine. In hindsight, this was an incredibly stupid idea," Stacey said.

"It certainly seems so," said the head doctor in agreement. "Yeah, isn't it? Anyway, All I got from it was a brief flash of something. At first, that was it, but since then, I've been having more flashes, even without the machine, and they keep getting longer," Stacey said.

"Have you tried throwing a cup of cold fruit punch at your face when a flash occurs?" asked a familiar voice. Stacey strained her neck to look over at the top level where several scientists were standing, and saw Dib Membrane. "Mr. Membrane?" Stacey asked. "Yeah, I get assigned here sometimes. I used to be a frequent patient here as well... in my youth... thanks to most of my classmates hating my guts," Dib said bitterly.

"Well, I haven't tried that, and anyway, with the flashes getting longer and longer, I'm afraid that it'll be only a matter of time before I become stuck in a horrible nightmare realm," Stacey said. The other doctors and scientists began murmuring and talking to each other. Stacey looked around at them nervously. Eventually, the head doctor returned to her side. "Well, I'm afraid we have some bad news," he said to her.

"What? I just told you the bad news," Stacey retorted. "Yes, yes, horrible nightmare realm. Anyway, we've decided that you're... insane. You'll be staying here for a period no shorter than the rest of your life," the head doctor said. "What!?" Stacey cried. "Wait!" Dib said. "Maybe we could just hold her here until tomorrow morning?" he suggested.

"Hmm, I suppose we could do that," said the head doctor. "Okay. You'll only be here until tomorrow morning," he said to Stacey. The two Crazy House officers entered the room and then took Stacey away.

Eventually, they reached a ward with several padded rooms. The officers opened a door and threw Stacey inside one. They turned around as soon as they had closed the door. "Wait, it's happening again! Someone please help me!" Stacey cried before disappearing in a bright flash.

* * *

Stacey opened her eyes and looked around, recoiling with fear at the nightmarish world surrounding her. She was in a padded room, and there was no door. There were only the twisted and gnarled bars of the cell as it was suspended by some kind of branch attached to a large, bio-mechanical-looking tree of some kind. The entire place was bio-mechanical in appearance; organic, yet inorganic at the same time.

The cell suddenly tilted, and Stacey found herself sliding towards the bars of the cell, smashing into them. She gripped the bars to steady herself, only for a horrific beast to raise its head and shriek at her. It had rows upon rows of sharp teeth in its mouth, pale skin, and two pupil-less eyes. Stacey quickly leapt away and grabbed onto a bowl that was connected to the other end of the cell by a chain.

"What is this place!?" Stacey screamed. "Isn't it obvious?" asked a raspy voice. Stacey turned her head to look at a shadowy figure outside of the cell. It pressed its face against the bars, revealing itself to be a nightmare version of Stacey. "We're inside your _head!_ " Nightmare Stacey cackled with glee.

"You're insane!" Stacey retorted. "No I'm not! Well, yes, I am, but that doesn't matter! The prophecy has come true! The girl with the flashing neck will come, and she will be the key to freedom... and stuff." "What?" Stacey asked in confusion. "I read it on a bathroom wall," Nightmare Stacey replied with a shrug.

"Well, how do I get out of here?" Stacey asked. "I don't know. It's your head, Stacey," Nightmare Stacey replied. "See, this place has been ruined, and now they want out, into the real world!" Nightmare Stacey said. "They? Um, who exactly are... 'they'?" Stacey asked her nightmarish double. "You'll find out soon enough," Nightmare Stacey replied.

A minute later, Stacey heard a strange sound and looked out to see a twisted column rising into the air, with a flat surface that that Nightmare Crazy Officers stood upon, along with a living straight-jacket. The bars of the cell broke apart and flattened themselves against the top and bottom of the cell. "Neck-blinking Girl," Crazy Monster One said, "It's time to go."

The straight-jacket leapt over the two beasts and ran over to Stacey. Stacey looked up in fear before the straight-jacket encircled her and trapped her before it carried her over to the monsters waiting on the column. "Where are you taking me!?" Stacey cried.

They soon arrived outside of the Nightmare Crazy House. The Crazy Bus was a living beast all of its own, with a strange purring sound coming from its front end. "The machine will soon be ready, and then we can finally leave this place," Crazy Monster Two said as it opened the door of the Nightmare Crazy Bus. There was a zapping sound and a flash, causing both monsters to look at the empty straight-jacket. "Aw, man! The boss is going to be angry!" Monster Two said.

"Do we have to tell her right away?" Monster One asked. "I guess not. We can wait a few minutes or get something to eat first, I guess."

* * *

Stacey looked around and found herself outside of the Crazy House. She quickly began running away and back towards home, or at least somewhere that she could find an ally. _But who could possibly have the technology to help me?_ There were only two people she could think of, aside from her own father. The first was Andrea Membrane, whose parents had to have some kind of laboratory somewhere in their home.

The second option... was Quinn. Stacey wanted to waste as little time as possible before the next flash occurred, but given what part of Lawndale she was currently in, the closest of her two options... was Quinn. "Damn it all!" Stacey swore as she ran in the direction of Quinn's base.

* * *

Quinn looked outside her windows. "Halloween is tomorrow, but the trick-or-treating has begun tonight! The Earth children are now even more revolting than usual! And they're after my sweet blood candies, just like Miss Bitters said!" Quinn took out a motion tracker and gasped in fear as the dots came closer and closer to her position.

* * *

"Oh, Brian," Brittany Taylor said with a sigh as she watched her brother eating a candy bar. "I don't see why you had to pick such a creepy costume," Brittany added. Brian Taylor was dressed up as a killer clown. Brittany, however, had dressed up as Spider-Girl. Her boyfriend, Kevin Thompson, had dressed up as the Bela Lugosi version of Count Dracula.

The trio soon met up with Mack and Jodie, who were taking Jodie's little sister, Rachel, trick-or-treating. Rachel was dressed up as a fairy princess. In fact, it was the exact same type of fairy princess outfit that Miss Bitters had worn in her childhood, before everything went horribly wrong. Mack was dressed up as Cyborg, from the Teen Titans, and Jodie was dressed up as the 1987 version of Robocop.

"Hey, Mack Daddy! What's up?" Kevin asked Mack. "Stop calling me that," Mack said in annoyance. "Anyway, me and Jodie are taking her little sister, Rachel, trick-or-treating," Mack explained. "Oh, cool! Me are Brittany are taking her little brother trick-or-treating! It's, like, some kind of weird coincidence, right?" Kevin asked with sincerity. "No, Kevin. A lot of people are taking kids trick-or-treating tonight, so that they don't have to cancel going to Halloween parties tomorrow," Mack told him.

"Oh, yeah! That's right! Brittany has a party tomorrow!" Kevin said. "I know. She invited us," Mack said. "That's right, she did!" Kevin said.

* * *

Andrea Membrane walked down the sidewalk, looking at the various decorations that people had put up in their lawns and on their houses. "Same haunted houses every year," she muttered to herself. She turned a corner and felt something ram into her, causing her to fall onto her ass. "Hey, watch where-Stacey?" Andrea asked. "A-Andrea? Andrea, do you have a ride to get us to your house!?" Stacey asked her.

"What? No, why?" Andrea replied, confused. "Dammit! This means I have to go to Quinn's base!" Stacey said. "What? Why do you need to go to Quinn's place?" Andrea asked her. "I don't have much time, and Quinn's base is the nearest location with a lab!" Stacey said quickly.

"Okay, I guess if I want to understand what's going on, I need to come with you, don't I?" Andrea asked her. "If you want to! But we have to hurry!" Stacey shouted as she resumed running towards Quinn's base.

* * *

"Stay back! Stay back!" Quinn shouted as arms and hands broke through the boarded-up windows of her home. The children had managed to get past the lawn gnomes, although a few of them had been hit by their stun rounds. "GIR, defend the base!" Quinn shouted at the robot. "Yes Sir!" GIR shouted before he got into his dog suit and leapt out the window.

" _No! That's my candy! Give it back!_ " Quinn heard a little girl shout. Quinn was about ready to grab a weapon when she saw the front door open. Stacey and Andrea easily entered the house before closing the door behind them. "Quinn, I know this is gonna sound weird, but I need your help! I don't have much time before the next jump, and it may end up being the last!" Stacey exclaimed.

Quinn raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Um... _what?_ " she asked Stacey. "Look, I don't know what's going on with her, but could you please just use your lab to help her?" Andrea asked Quinn. "Who are _you?_ " Quinn asked her. "I'm Andrea. I'm Stacey's friend. Pleasantries over. Now, how do we-" "Gaah! It's happening again!" Stacey cried out as her arms began to fade in an out of the visible realm.

"What the hell?" Andrea asked in shock. "So, humans undergo a strange metamorphosis around this time of year! That is why all of the children look so revolting!" Quinn exclaimed as she stepped closer to look at Stacey. "What? They're just wearing costumes," Andrea said. "Eh?" Quinn asked her. "Oh, right... they are," Quinn said to herself.

"Hey, someone please help me!" Stacey cried before Andrea grabbed a hold of her. Quinn began to step back, before a bright flash illuminated the room. When it was dark again, the three females were nowhere to be seen.

* * *

"What the? Where are we?" Quinn asked as she looked around the nightmarish place around her. The buildings loomed overhead ominously, and the sky was... actually rather normal looking, although many clouds were shaped like frowny faces. "No, no!" Stacey cried in anguish. "I'm back, and this time... I don't know if I can get out again."

"Wait... _you_ brought us into this wretched place?" Quinn asked as she turned around and began to advance on Stacey. Andrea stepped between them. "Back off," Andrea said. "Or you'll do _what?_ " Quinn asked her. To prove her point, Quinn's PAK extended its legs and she rose into the air, overlooking Andrea in a form of intimidation.

"Oh... well, that's unexpected," Andrea said sheepishly, before her eyes widened at what was behind Quinn. "Hey, she's back! The girl with the blinking neck is back!" cried a horrible voice from above. Quinn descended to the ground and retracted her PAK legs before turning around to look at the horrible monsters that were on the top of her ceiling.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" all three of them screamed as they ran out the door of Quinn's nightmare base. "Um... they ran away from us," one of the monsters, a huge swollen eyeball, said sadly. "I told you to keep the door locked!" shouted another monster, a horrible abomination with tentacles.

Meanwhile, out in the streets, the trio eventually found refuge in an alley. "Okay, where did you bring us, Stacey?" Quinn asked with a hiss. "It's some kind of alternate dimension based on my imagination, I think," Stacey replied. "And you brought me here!? You-you _sickening_ , **horrible** , wretched human! How dare you and your corn-mouth bring me here!"

"Corn... mouth?" Andrea asked her. "How dare you!? How dare you do this to Earth's future conqueror and your future slave master!?" Quinn hissed at Stacey, ignoring Andrea's question. "I should have known that you dirt-children and stink-beasts were all nothing but trouble!" Quinn said. Andrea raised an eyebrow at Quinn's terminology. She'd only heard one other person speak that way in her life.

"I'm going to rip you to shreds!" Quinn threatened. "Hey! We're in _my_ head! If anything happens to me, then you're stuck here!" Stacey retorted. "What!? No, curse you! Curse yooouuuuu-wait, can I still do stuff to your legs?" Quinn asked her. "Um... I guess I-wait, no!" Stacey replied. "Curse you! And curse you too, Andrea-human!" Quinn snapped.

"What did I do?" Andrea asked her. "You helped her get inside my base!" Quinn replied angrily. "The door was unlocked. Anyone could have gotten inside!" Andrea snapped back at her. "Fighting won't get us anywhere!" Stacey shouted at them. "Right," Quinn said reluctantly. "So, Stacey, since this is your imaginary world, I guess you should try to think of a way out of here," Quinn said with narrowed eyes.

"Um, well... we can't go back to your house, so maybe we should try my house. There might be a version of the dimensional scope there," Stacey said. "Yes, and we might be able to find something to defend ourselves with as well," Quinn mused, after the sound of an nightmarish owl hooting spooked her. "Yes, let's go there now!" Quinn said as the trio made their way out of the alley.

* * *

"If she isn't in the padded room, then where is she?" Daria asked Doctor Ressell. "Um, I'm not really at liberty to say at the moment," he replied. "What do you mean you're not at liberty to say?" Daria asked him. "Look, come back in the morning and you can take her home, okay?" he said. "No, I want to see her now," Daria replied with narrowed eyes.

Doctor Ressell sighed, before an elevator door opened up and Dib Membrane exited. "Dr. Membrane, perhaps you could help," Doctor Ressell said. "Huh?" Dib asked him. "This girl is here to see a patient we just admitted today, but the patient is, um..." "Which patient?" Dib asked him. "Stacey... Morgendorffer," Ressell replied.

"And your name?" Dib asked her. "Daria Morgendorffer," Daria replied. "I've come to take Stacey home with me. She doesn't belong in a mental institution. She's annoying, and she's eccentric, but she _isn't_ insane," Daria said firmly. "I understand. Dr. Ressell, which room is Stacey Morgendorffer being held in?" Dib asked him. "Um, see, that's part of the problem... she isn't in her room."

"Come again?" Dib asked him. "She... isn't in her room. We've checked surveillance footage, and she just... disappeared after being put inside," Ressell said. "Dammit, man. Miss Morgendorffer, please follow me," Dib said as he led her to the other elevator. "Um, this elevator isn't taking us to the patient rooms," Daria noted after they began their descent.

"No, it isn't. Miss Morgendorffer, your sister said something earlier today about a dimensional scope in your father's lab at home," Dib said. "Um, okay. What does that have to do with anything?" Daria asked him. "Well, I'm afraid that your sister has probably... oh, how do I say this without sounding completely nuts? Okay... she's trapped in another dimension and probably won't be able to get out without some kind of funnel," Dib said.

"I'm sorry, but, could you please say that again?"

* * *

Stacey, Andrea, and Quinn ran through a wooded area before they stopped running after hearing a series of yells. They hid behind a large tree and looked out onto the street, where a series of horrible, misshapen monsters were walking around. Quinn ducked back behind the tree after taking in the sight. "I _hate_ Halloween," she said quietly.

"But, isn't Halloween _tomorrow?_ " Andrea asked. "That's beside the point," Quinn replied hastily. Meanwhile, the monsters looked over at the tree, where the blinking glow of Stacey's collar could be seen. "Hey, it's BLINKING!" cried one of the monsters.

Stacey's eyes widened before she reached at the collar and grabbed it. She struggled for a minute before finally pulling it off. "Finally," she whispered. She turned to look at Quinn and shoved the collar onto her neck. "Hey, what are you-oh, you _wretched_ human!" Quinn cried out before Stacey pushed her out from behind the tree. Quinn went tumbling down and embankment before landing on her face.

"There, she's the one!" Stacey cried out in a gruff voice. "Think they bought it?" she asked Andrea in a whisper. Andrea peeked her head out to see Quinn being surrounded and sucked into a walking cell monster before the beasts began walking away. "Yeah, I think so," Andrea replied. "Okay. Let's find my house... or yours," Stacey said as the two girls made their way through the streets.

* * *

"Hey, what is this!?" Quinn shouted as she was strapped to a table inside the Nightmare version of Lawndale High School. "Let me out of here before something horrible happens to me!" Quinn shouted at the monsters surrounding her. "Silence," said an eerily calm voice. Quinn raised an eyebrow as she looked around the room, before her eyes finally settled on a figure standing in the shadows.

"Miss Bitters?" Quinn asked. The figure stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself to indeed be a nightmare version of Miss Bitters, with multi-digit legs, and multiple tentacles that appeared to be bio-mechanical. "Um... okay," Quinn said flatly. Nightmare Bitters stalked forward before looking Quinn up and down.

"Well? We brought her here, just like you said. Her neck flashes and everything!" one of the monsters said. "You idiots!" Nightmare Bitters shouted. "This is the wrong one!" "But, the flashing neck!" "Do not talk back to me! For both your failure and this, you shall be sent to the realm of eternal screaming and... stuff," Nightmare Bitters said.

She pointed her hand at a large door, which then opened to reveal a sea of fire. "But I don't really wanna go there," the unfortunate monster said. "Too bad," Nightmare Bitters retorted with a grin. The Unfortunate Monster sighed and slowly walked into the doorway, waving goodbye to his companions before being engulfed in flame. His screams lasted only a few seconds before the door slammed shut.

"As for this one," Nightmare Bitters said, "I think she may prove useful to us." "Well, at least there's no nightmare version of Principal Li here," Quinn muttered to herself. "Li? Hah! She hasn't been here for ages! She tripped and fell over her own claws. As funeral, we shoved her body into the Realm of Eternal Screaming and Stuff," Nightmare Bitters said.

"Hmm, fascinating," Quinn said. "But, um... since I'm clearly not the one that you want, do you think that you could, I don't know, let me go? Please?" Quinn asked. "Hmm, let me think about that," Nightmare Bitters responded. "Um... NO! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Quinn narrowed her eyes in anger at the beast. _I am going to kill Stacey after I escape from this dimension. I swear it._

* * *

"Help, it's after my candy!" Rachel Landon screamed as a small green dog rammed into her, pushing her on her side as it devoured her candy from the ground. "More!" GIR cried as he turned his head to see a fat kid dressed up as a power ranger. GIR shot forward and knocked him to the ground before consuming his candy as well.

"What is that thing!?" Brittany cried out. "I'm gonna catch it!" Brian said with glee as he held a bag of candy out in the air. "Hey, Greenie! Look what I got!" he shouted. "Brian, no!" Brittany cried out. "Relax, it'll-my candy!" he cried as GIR shot past him and took his bag from him. Brian grabbed GIR's nub of a tail, causing GIR to sharply turn around and smack him in the head with one of his nubby arms.

"What the-" Brian was interrupted as GIR grabbed him, jumped up, lifted the lid off a trash can, and then shoved him inside. GIR then looked at Brittany to see if she had any candy. Frowning at the lack of food, GIR took off, searching for more tasty treats. "What just happened?" Brittany whispered to herself in confusion.

* * *

"It shouldn't be too far now," Stacey said as she and Andrea peeked out around an alley. "Okay, we can-wait! I see something coming," Andrea said. She picked up an empty can from the ground. " **We have your friend!** " a cricket-like monster shouted into a megaphone. " **If you do not surrender yourself, we will destroy her!** "

Stacey grabbed the can from Andrea. "She's not my friend; you can keep her!" she shouted before throwing the can at the monster's head. "Ow," it muttered before scampering away.

"Are you sure we should just leave Quinn here to rot?" Andrea asked Stacey. "She's trying to destroy all mankind! She wants to conquer the Earth and make us her slaves! Why should I try to help her!?" Stacey responded. "Just saying; I mean, you could always use this as a reason to get her to do something for you in the future," Andrea replied.

"Sure, after I already threw her to those things. She'd probably obliterate me on the spot if I were to ask her for help, assuming that she somehow manages to escape from here with us," Stacey said. "You're still bitter about that whole organ-stealing thing, aren't you?" Andrea asked Stacey as they crept over and hid behind a rusted old car. "And you aren't?" Stacey asked her in return.

"Well, she did give everyone's organs back," Andrea said. "Yeah, _after_ Daria started throttling her," Stacey replied. "Besides, the receptionist for the nurse's office is currently a vegetable in a hospital right now, in case you haven't heard," Stacey said. "I heard, but-" "Quinn stole her brain, and when she put it back, it didn't function properly again. She's basically brain-dead, thanks to Quinn," Stacey said bitterly.

"Oh," Andrea said. "I didn't realize that Quinn was responsible for that." "What? How could you not figure that out?" "I don't know, I just... didn't," Andrea replied sheepishly. "Whatever. Okay, we're on Dega Street right now. So, at this point, which of our houses is the closest?"

* * *

Quinn watched with interest as the weird-legged monster returned. He had a bruise on his head and a frown on his face. Nightmare Bitters had narrowed her eyes. "Care to explain returning empty-handed?" she asked him calmly. "She said Quinn isn't her friend, and that we could keep her. Then she threw a can at my head. It hurt," he explained.

Nightmare Bitters opened the Screaming Realm door and grabbed the Cricket-looking monster before throwing him into it. "Okay, who else has a plan?" Nightmare Bitters asked her minions with a grin. "Um, wasn't that _your_ plan, though?" asked a nightmare version of Miss Morris. "Do you like screaming?" Nightmare Bitters asked Nightmare Morris. "N-No," Nightmare Morris replied shakily after seeing the gleam in Nightmare Bitters' eyes.

While this was going on, Quinn had managed to quietly free herself from the table, and quickly made her way over to an open air vent. _I just hope that the ducts here are as absurdly spacious as they are back in the normal dimension_ , Quinn thought to herself as she climbed inside and carefully made her way to the roof top.

"Okay," she said after climbing out onto the roof top. "Now, to locate Stacey and Andrea and get out of here." Quinn quickly grabbed onto a growth of some kind that was attached to the building and slid down. She grabbed the blinking collar and removed it from her neck before checking to make sure that the area was clear. She threw the collar away before running off in the direction of Stacey's house.

* * *

"So, how did you get out of there?" Daria asked Dib as they made their way to the Membrane household. "Well, there was at least one other person in school who cared enough to dive in and get me out of there," Dib said as he parked the car in the driveway. They both unbuckled their seat belts and exited the car. Dib walked forward and unlocked the front door with his key.

"Okay, there should still be a dimensional viewer in the basement, but it's set to a low setting, to prevent accidents. With luck, we should be able to find out which dimension your sister got herself trapped in, and then we can use that information to devise a strategy to get her out of there," Dib said as he ushered Daria inside.

"So, this is where Andrea lives," she said as she looked around the living room. It actually wasn't that much different from her own house. "Dib? You're home early," came an accented voice from the kitchen. Takara soon entered the living room and raised an eyebrow as she looked at Daria. "Dib... did you forget what our daughter looks like? Because that isn't her," Takara said. "Actually, Tak, this is one of Andrea's friends... or acquaintances, I think," Dib replied.

"Okay... wait, Morgendorffer, correct?" Takara asked Daria. "That's right. You're Andrea's mom," Daria replied. "Correct. So, why did my husband bring you into our home?" Takara asked her. "He says that my sister has gotten herself trapped in an alternate dimension caused by messing with our own father's dimension viewer," Daria said.

Takara raised an eyebrow. "What? He has one too?" Takara asked her. "Wait... you mean he isn't crazy?" Daria asked. "Crazy? My dear, Dib is not crazy. A little annoying, and very eccentric? Yes, but never crazy," Takara said.

"So, anyway, this dimensional viewer thing," Daria began, "Where is it?" "It should be in the basement lab," Dib replied. "It's in the prohibited section, in that one room," Takara added as she leaned against the wall of the kitchen entryway. "Prohibited section?" Daria asked. "It's to prevent Andrea from trying to get in. That room requires a security access code from either Tak or me," Dib said.

"Wait... I thought your wife's name was Takara," Daria said. Takara sighed. "It's my current legal name, but by true name... is simply Tak," Tak said. "It's a long story. Maybe if you can convince Andrea to invite you over sometime, we might think about telling you," Tak said. "Sure, but she's on friendlier terms with my sister," Daria said.

"Right, anyway, to the basement!" Dib said as he opened the basement door. "He still loves making heroic statements," Tak said with an amused sigh.

* * *

"Okay, I'll go inside first, to make sure things are safe," Stacey said as she crept inside the nightmare version of her home. She carefully tip-toed around the living room, noticing how eerily quiet it was. After a few minutes, she motioned for Andrea to follow her inside.

Andrea carefully stepped around the furniture of the living room, hiding herself behind the arm of the couch as Stacey motioned for her to get over there. Stacey carefully walked into the kitchen and looked for the door to the basement. _There_ , she thought. She was two steps away when a white form began to rise from the floor.

Stacey backed up as she saw the white lab coat of Nightmare Jake straighten out as he turned around to look at her. He had goggles over his eyes, and a horrible smile. "So... I find you here again," he said darkly. Stacey turned around to run away as Nightmare Jake uncrossed his arms and laughed. His lab coat shot forward and wrapped itself around Stacey's ankles, causing her to trip and land on the floor.

Stacey looked back at Nightmare Jake before she heard footsteps. She turned her head to see Nightmare Helen and Nightmare Daria. Nightmare Helen had no eyes, yet there were tiny red orbs glowing from within the sockets. Her hair was spiked into a Mohawk. And, most disturbingly, she was on all fours, doing a crab-walk, with her head twisted so that it was upright. "Time to go," she said with a guttural voice.

Stacey looked over at Nightmare Daria. Nightmare Daria had legs that were digitigrade, and her face had the most horrifically wide smile that Stacey had ever seen. Daria's glasses had a sheen to them that prevented Stacey from seeing her eyes. "We're gonna open your head," Daria said gleefully as she stepped forward and grabbed Stacey's head with her talons.

* * *

"Finally," Quinn said as she made her way to Stacey's house. She was about to cross the street when she heard screaming and saw the front door open. Nightmare versions of Stacey's family were dragging her with them as they made their way back to the high school. Quinn's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"No," she said firmly. "This... this is unacceptable! I manage to break free from those horrid monsters only to find out that I must now go back there to _rescue_ that little wretch!? But if I don't, then I'll be stuck here! Stupid Stacey! I hate you!" Quinn growled as she kicked at the cement. She quickly made her way into Stacey's house, looking around before seeing Andrea rising from behind the living room couch.

"Andrea? So, did you just _let_ them take our only chance out of here?" Quinn asked her darkly as she stepped forward. "Stacey told me to stay hidden, no matter what. Otherwise, we both would have been captured, and no one would be able to do anything," Andrea replied as she glared at Quinn. "Right, right. Silly me!" Quinn said sarcastically.

"After all, Stacey is such a _thoughtful_ and _caring_ individual. That's why she put that collar and me and threw me to those beasts!" Quinn snapped angrily. "Okay, that was stupid of her, I'll admit that, but we need to rescue her," Andrea said. "Yes, but we can't just barge into the high school without a means to defend ourselves! Let's check the basement lab for something we can use," Quinn said.

The duo made their way into the basement and looked around. "Hey, what's this?" Quinn asked as she grabbed the dimensional viewer of the nightmare world. She moved it to her head and looked inside. "Hmm... aaah! It's horrible!" she cried before dropping it. She quickly picked it back up. "Okay, we can still probably use this, though," she said.

"There's nothing here we can use to rescue her," Andrea said. "No, but I did find something we can use to get ourselves out of her head. Of course, we'll still have to return to the high school either way," Quinn said. "Wait... we can try my house. There might be something there that we can use," Andrea said.

"Eh? Why would there be something at your house?" Quinn asked her. "My dad's a scientist, just like Quinn's dad. Except, you know, more calm and he doesn't hold a grudge against his own father," Andrea explained. "Okay. What's the quickest way to your house? We can't afford to waste too much time," Quinn said as they exited the basement and walked out the front door.

"Just follow me," Andrea said as she took off running. "Whatever is in your house, you'd better hope it works in this dimension," Quinn said. "If we lose our only chance to get out of here, I'll destroy you as well. Painfully."

* * *

"Okay, they weren't in that dimension filled with Mogwai, and they aren't in that talking technicolor pony dimension either, so let's try the next one. Stacey mentioned that it was a nightmare world of some kind," Dib said. "Aaaand... oh crap, it _is_ that dimension," Dib said with a frown. "You found her?" Daria asked him. "Sure, take a look," he said as he climbed out of the chair. Daria quickly got in and looked into the viewer.

"Is that... a nightmare version of me?" she asked out loud. "I think so, unless you have a twin," Dib said. "Yeesh! My dad and mom-holy shit! Mom is terrifying!" Daria exclaimed as she backed away from the viewer. "Geez, at least you have a mom for there to be a nightmare version of," Dib said.

"Huh?" Daria asked him. "Never mind," he said. "They're taking her into the high school," he said as he got back in the seat once Daria had vacated it. "Just like they did with me," he whispered. "I just hope she doesn't run into Nightmare Li," Dib said. "Nightmare Li?" Daria asked him. "Uh-huh. A real sadist. She had really horrible talons, too," Dib said.

* * *

"Okay, your place doesn't look that different from Stacey's place," Quinn said as she and Andrea walked around the nightmare version of her home. "I've noticed," Andrea said as they entered the kitchen and opened the door to the basement. The two girls made their way into the lab in the basement. "Hmm... prohibited section? Interesting," Quinn said as she made her way over to the door. "What are you talking about?" Andrea asked her.

Quinn turned around and pointed at the door with the words "PROHIBITED SECTION" written on it. "It says prohibited section. Right there," Quinn said. "You can read that?" Andrea asked her. "Of course I can read it. Why can't you?" Quinn asked Andrea. "Well, it's not in English, for one," Andrea said. "Huh?" Quinn asked as she turned around. "Hey... that isn't English. That's... Irken. What's going on here?" Quinn asked herself before she opened the door and peeked inside.

She turned on the lights and walked around, glancing at the various objects and pieces of machinery strewn about. She was about to turn around when something caught her eye. "What is _that!?_ " she gasped. "What's what?" Andrea asked as she entered the room and looked over Quinn's shoulder.

"Holy crap," Andrea whispered at the sight. "Do your parents have one of these in the normal dimension?" Quinn asked her. "I have no idea. I've never been in this part of the house before now, in any universe or dimension," Andrea replied. "Well, it seems that your parents are keeping some secrets from you," Quinn said.

"I guess so, now let's..." Andrea trailed off as she turned around and saw a figure standing in the room behind them. "M-Mom?" Andrea asked in confusion. Quinn turned around and peeked around Andrea, looking at the nightmare version of the girl's mother. She gasped at the sight.

"Welcome home, honey," Nightmare Tak said with a hideous smile. "Um... why does something about your mother look so familiar to me?" Quinn asked Andrea. Nightmare Tak had green-tinted skin, violet eyes that glowed, and a mane of dark blue hair with two wicked-looking antennae sticking out of her head. She had four bio-mechanical insectoid legs sticking out of her back. Nightmare Tak flashed a terrifying smile with fangs and sharp teeth, showing a worm-like tongue in her mouth. "Who wants to have some fun?" Nightmare Tak asked the girls.

* * *

"At last!" Nightmare Bitters said as she moved a large laser device in front of Stacey. Stacey had a headband with a red orb on the front of it. "Um, don't I get any say in this?" Stacey asked them. "No. Now, sit back and relax," Nightmare Bitters said. "But I'm not sitting. I'm lying down," Stacey said. "Oh, then lay down," Nightmare Bitters said.

"Now, we will have a new world to ravage! The fun shall begin once more after we enter this girl's head and march through the streets!" Nightmare Bitters exclaimed. "Yahoo! Yeah! Stacey's head ROCKS!" the various monsters exclaimed. "Now, let the head... portal... thing... uh, start, I guess," Nightmare Bitters said. "I really should have written a script beforehand," she muttered to herself.

The laser charged up and a beam shot forth into Stacey's head. "Huh... this doesn't hurt much at all," she said thoughtfully. "Sort of like a... mild itch, really." Then, there was a loud thoom, and another, and another, before everyone turned to look at the windows as a huge figure cam crashing through it.

Flying forth from the Large Nightmare Mech was a greenish figure with bio-mechanical legs coming out of her back. At first, Stacey thought it was Quinn, but when she saw who was piloting the mech, she realized that it couldn't have been her. "I'm not here because I like you, Stacey! I'm just here for your filthy head!" Quinn stated as a series of mechanical appendages swung out and grabbed Stacey, retrieving her from the table and pulling her up to the mech.

"Um... wow, you look angry," Stacey noted. Quinn's left eye twitched. "You're still upset about that leaving you to rot thing, aren't you?" Stacey asked her. Quinn responded by making the mechanical appendage squeeze Stacey. "Organs... hurting!" Stacey whimpered. "Andrea, do you have the head thingy with you?" Quinn asked the goth girl.

"Yeah. Yeah, I have it with me," Andrea said shakily. Both Quinn and Andrea had some scars on their faces, along with some rips and tears in their clothes. "Good, let's go," Quinn said as she activated additional appendages, which sprayed a slimy green substances all over the place.

Nightmare Bitters gave a roar and began to change, with her body bulking up and her tentacles becoming longer and wavier, and her claws becoming sharper and larger. She now resembled a quadrupedal beast. Quinn's eyes widened as she made the Nightmare Mech hop back several paces before turning around and running away.

" **After them! That girl is our only hope!** " Nightmare Bitters screamed. "Uh... oh, um, okay, uh... eww," said one of the monsters as it looked at the green goo covering its body. "Can we get this washed off first?"

* * *

"I've set the mech for auto-defense mode. That should buy us some time," Quinn said as she grabbed the funnel-like thing from Andrea. "Um, are you sure you know how to use that?" Stacey asked. She still had a purple beam of light pouring out of her forehead. "Please! I've used more complicated devices as playthings!" Quinn said as she pushed Stacey to the ground and shoved the narrow end into Stacey's head, causing the hole to expand.

"Wait, how do I get back?" Stacey asked her. "That's a good question," Quinn said. "But... I really don't care! That's your problem, not mine!" The trio then heard a mighty roar and an explosion. They looked up to see pieces of the mech falling down in flaming wreckage around them. The silhouette of Nightmare Bitters was visible through the flames.

"Well, so long, Stacey!" Quinn said with a grin as she forced the funnel through Stacey's head and widened the hole enough that she could stick her legs inside. "Bye-bye!" she shouted as she swirled around in the hole as though it were a toilet, before finally disappearing. "I guess you're next, Andrea," Stacey said.

"I'm sorry if this hurts," Andrea said as she performed the same actions as Quinn. After Andrea had disappeared, Stacey tried to think of a way to get herself into the portal.

* * *

"Aaah!" Quinn shouted as she shot through the air, plowing through a huge pile of candy and crashing into her fence. "Oh... my limbs... and bones... so much pain," she said. She heard a cry of panic and looked up to see Andrea flying toward her. "N-No-no-no! Change direction, change directiaaah!" Quinn cried as Andrea plowed into her, breaking through the fence and sending them both crashing into a lawn gnome.

* * *

" **Now, Stacey, you will deliver us unto the new world!** " Nightmare bitters said with a smile. "I don't think so!" Stacey shouted, before she grabbed her legs and curled herself into a ball, forcing her legs into the portal and sucking herself int her own head. " **What the-? Nooooooooo!** "

* * *

"My... _spine_ ," Quinn croaked out. "Sorry," Andrea muttered. Soon the glowing sphere in the night sky shrank before it shot forward and imploded as a mass of flesh and blood grew out of it, eventually forming Stacey. Standing on the sidewalk, Stacey shivered. "I... feel weird," she said queasily.

She looked around and saw GIR, massive and bloated, sitting on a pile of candy, with young children lying on the ground, whimpering in pain. "What happened here? Seriously, what ha-aaiiieeeeeeee!" Stacey shouted as the portal in her head opened up and Nightmare Bitters' head poked through.

" **At last anew world to-gahh!** " Nightmare Bitters looked around in fright and disgust at the children on the ground. " **Look at the head on that one! Oh boy!** " She looked over at the moaning body of a child dressed up as Captain Underpants. " **What the?** "

Eventually, she worked her eyes up to GIR, gurgling as he ate more candy. "GG-Gblaarg!" GIR gurgled. " **Oh no! No-no-no-no! Uh-uh! We'll find a different world! This one's** _ **already**_ **ruined!** " Nightmare Bitters said as she retreated back into Stacey's head. The portal finally closed for good after a minute.

Stacey turned around and looked over at Andrea and Quinn. "Andrea," she said as she walked over and helped the older girl stand up. "Um, ow," Andrea muttered as Stacey helped her stand up. "When my skeleton stops being broken... I'm going to destroy you," Quinn said in a painful hiss.

"Uh-huh, just be glad that you're out of there," Stacey said as she and Andrea walked away from Quinn's broken body. "C-Computer, activate garden retrieval elevator. Take me back inside the base," Quinn said quietly, before a cylindrical elevator popped out of the ground and metallic tentacles reached out and pulled her inside before descending back underground.

"What a night," Stacey said as she and Andrea neared the Membrane household. "Yes, and I'd like to forget about half of it," Andrea said as she limped toward the door. The door opened before she could reach it, and Daria stepped out. "Daria? What are you-" Stacey was cut off as her sister pulled her into a hug. "Um... okay," Stacey said in confusion.

"Andrea, get inside and give them some privacy," came the voice of her mother. Andrea looked up at her mom and stepped forward. "Mom... you aren't going to believe what happened to me today," Andrea said. "Try me. I've known your father since I was in high school," Tak said with a smirk.

"Well... have you ever been in another dimension?" Andrea asked her. "Yes. Yes, I have," Tak replied with a smirk. "Let me tell you a story," Tak said as she led her daughter into the kitchen. Meanwhile, back at the doorway, Daria let go of Stacey. "Come on, let's go home," Daria said to her sister. "Um, Daria, what was-" "Doctor Membrane has a dimensional viewer like Dad does, but he has proper safety settings on his machine," Daria explained.

"So... you know what happened," Stacey said. "Yes, and I'm glad that you're safe. Now, come on, let's go home," Daria said as they walked away from the Membrane house.

* * *

** Meanwhile, in Talking Technicolor Pony Dimension (AKA... Equestria) **

"Hey, Stacy, what's that light coming out of your head?" Sandi Sparkle asked. "Huh? I don't-yeeeaoooooooow!" Stacey Sun Glitter said as a horrible set of claws protruded from the hole. Nightmare Bitters stuck her head through and looked around with a smile. " **Perfect!** "

* * *

Ending Theme: Snake Shake, from the soundtrack to Escape From New York.

Character Halloween Costume Fun Time:

Stacey Morgendorffer as Indiana Jones

Daria Morgendorffer as Egon Spengler

Quinn as The Daughter of Dracula

Helen Morgendorffer as Barbariana from Kung Fury

Jake Morgendorffer as Doctor Weird from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Brittany Taylor as Witchblade (any incarnation)

Mack McKenzie as Blade

Jodie Landon as Cortana

Kevin Thompson as Neo (aka _Mister Anderson_ ), from The Matrix

Dib Membrane as Agent K

Tak Membrane as The Doctor, 4th Incarnation

Andrea Membrane as Lydia Deetz

Charles Ruttheimer III as Vincent Price

Sandi Griffin as Meg Griffin

Tiffany Blum-Deckler as Leeloo from The Fifth Element

Anthony DeMartino as Ashley J. Williams

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple as The Strangers from Dark City

Invader Skoodge as Beetlejuice

Miss Bitters as Emperor Palpatine

Jane Lane as Ellen Ripley, Sulaco attire

Trent Lane as Batman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was the Halloween Special. I hope everyone enjoyed it.


	10. No Skin Off My Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn discovers the practice of plastic surgery and the bizarre standards of beauty held by humans.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-010: No Skin Off My Bones

* * *

Date: Tuesday, November 4th, 2097

Quinn looked up at the clock before returning her attention to the TV. She still had three hours before she needed to be at the high school " _Are you looking to transform yourself into something new and beautiful?_ " asked the voice-over on the TV. "How about no," Quinn mocked.

" _Then visit Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe, located in the Rx Plex!_ " Quinn raised an eyebrow in slight curiosity, just as GIR walked into the room and sat down on the couch. " _Do you want a new nose? New ears? How about a new dimple or eyebrows? Here at Doctor Shar's Swan Shoppe, we can fix it for you wholesale!_ " announced the commercial.

"Ooh! I wonder if I could use a new face?" GIR pondered. "GIR, you're a robot, and we have plenty of disguises that are perfectly fine," Quinn said. "Besides, I just finished making that mongoose disguise you wanted," she added. "Oh yeah!" GIR said.

" _Everyone deserves to be beautiful, and now you can be, too!_ " proclaimed the announcer of the commercial. " _So come on down to Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe today! Why not, unless you're some kind of alien!?_ " Quinn's eyes shot open. "N-No, it's just a ploy to frighten their fellow humans into wanting to get it. But still... perhaps I shall conduct some research after school today," Quinn said before she changed the channel.

" _-nium mall is slowly recovering from last month's incident, but with only small steps of progress._ " Click. " _-my Sherman is still missing, and authorities are-_ " Click. " _Add two tablespoons of brown sugar, and then two teaspoons of cinnamon. After that..._ "

* * *

**Later, At School...**

Quinn opened her locker as she heard voices approaching. "So I said, "Sure, it's a nice car." But then I had to ask him if it had enough gas to get him to Loserville," Sandi said. Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie all laughed as they walked past Quinn. "You sure know how to tell a great story, Sandi!" Jeffy said to her.

"Tell us about the part with Tori again," Joey said. "What part? Tori wasn't in that story. It was just me and Tiffany," Sandi said with a raised eyebrow. "Hey, what's everyone looking at?" Jeffy asked. Quinn turned her head to look at a large group of people huddle together. "Let's find out," Sandi said as she walked over.

Quinn carefully trailed behind Sandi, trying to look around the somewhat taller girl as she saw that one girl, Brooke, standing in the center of the circle with a smile. "Why is she so proud? Did she pass a test of some kind?" Quinn asked out loud. Sandi sent a glance at Quinn and rolled her eyes before returning her focus to Brooke.

"So, Brooke," Sandi began, "What's the special occasion?" "Isn't it obvious?" Brooke asked before she pointed a finger at her nose. Sandi scrutinized the nose before widening her eyes and gasping. "You got a new nose!" Sandi exclaimed. "Isn't it just cute?" Brooke asked her.

Tiffany and Tori soon walked over to see Brooke's new nose. "Hey, Brooke, what's going-whoa, your nose!" Tiffany said. "I don't get it," Quinn said, puzzled. "What is so special about your nose? It isn't as though you grew taller or stronger," Quinn said. "Ugh, you wouldn't understand, green girl," Sandi said.

"So, anyway, I told Dr. Shar-" "Dr. Shar is the best," Tiffany cut in. "Yes. Anyway, I told Dr. Shar that I wanted it cute, but not too cute," Brooke said. "It's not too cute," Sandi said. "You sure?" she asked Sandi. "It's cute, but not obnoxious about it," Sandi said.

"How can a simple orifice for detecting smell be obnoxious? Does it have a mind of its own?" Quinn asked them. "What is _wrong_ with you?" Sandi asked in disgust. "I was merely asking a question," Quinn said defensively. "Look, we know that you, like, have a skin condition, and so you have to view things differently from normal and popular people, but could at least keep it to yourself?" Sandi asked her.

"I'm as normal as any Earth larva!" Quinn retorted. "If that's what you have to keep telling yourself every time you look in the mirror," Sandi said smugly. "And just what is that supposed to mean?" Quinn asked her. "As I said, you have to look at the world differently because of your skin condition, otherwise you would be overflowing with shame over how you can't possibly meet the standards of the beautiful people," Sandi said.

"Grr, your legs are stupid!" Quinn spat at her. "At least I know how to wear fashionable clothing to make myself look even better than I already do," Sandi said. "I didn't say anything about your clothes," Quinn replied. "Oh. Um, my point still stands. Brooke's new nose is cute, and a girl like you could never possibly understand how significant that is," Sandi said.

"I'm sorry, but unless her new nose has also increased her sense of smell, I don't see how it could possibly be considered an improvement to what she already had," Quinn fired back, waiting to see how Sandi would react. "Who cares about smell?" Tori asked. "Yeah, her nose is cute, and that's all that matters," Tiffany added.

"So, you are all dumber than the Stacey-monkey, it would seem," Quinn said. "She called Stacey a monkey," Jeffy snickered. "Excuse me? Did you just call me dumb?" Sandi asked her venomously. "Yes," Quinn replied with a smile. "We'll see about that. Even an average person can tell you the importance of looking cute," Sandi said.

Sandi looked around and Saw Daria and Jane walking in the hallway. Stacey was walking right behind them. "Well, even if she's crazy, Stacey... um, no. Just her sister. We'll ask Stacey's sister," Sandi said as she walked toward Daria.

"Excuse me," Sandi said to Daria. "Yes?" Daria asked as she turned around. "So, Stacey's sister, take a look at this," Sandi said as Brooke walked over to her. "Take a look at this," Sandi said to her again. "You've taught another human being how to stand still. Congratulations," Daria said flatly.

"No. Look at her nose," Sandi said. Daria examined Brooke's nose. "Isn't it cute?" Sandi asked her. "It'll grow out when you hit puberty. Don't worry," Daria said before she walked away with Jane. Stacey chuckled before walking after her sister. "So... you were saying?" Quinn asked her mockingly.

Quinn chuckled while Sandi glared at her, before both girls heard a series of gasps and a scream, causing them to look over at Brooke. "Oh my god! What happened!?" Sandi asked. Brooke's nose had collapsed in on itself, and so Brooke was holding her nose with a fearful look in her eyes. "Let's get her to the nurse's office!" Jeffy said as he and Jamie helped carry Brooke away.

Quinn chuckled at Brooke's misfortune. "So... this is Dr. Shar's handiwork? I wonder if I can use this to my advantage?" Quinn muttered. _The popular girls and boys are the ones that the other kids view with great importance. If I can make the popular kids view me with importance, then I can make them do what I say. I can have them gather crucial information about the planet's defenses and various data on financial centers. But... how do I make the popular kids see me with importance? The popular kids value appearances over things like height and strength, the morons, but I can use this to my advantage._

Quinn walked silently into her first class as she continued plotting. _Since they value physical appearances, including body and clothing, I have to make myself attractive by their standards. I suppose it's a small sacrifice for my mission. Or perhaps... I can convince the other kids to receive failing beauty procedures from this doctor until I am the only one without a problem, causing me to become the most attractive by default_.

"Okay, students," Miss Bitters said after the bell rang, "Open your books to the section on the dissolvement and reformation of the Republican party in 2020." Miss Bitters looked over the students. "Be sure to memorize the names of the party members responsible for the formation of the Moderate Party and the ones responsible for the Far Right or Eagle Party. You will be quizzed on this."

* * *

**After School...**

"Computer!" Quinn shouted, "I need information on human beauty standards. I have a new plan for controlling the humans." " **Do you mean beauty standards specific to the area where we are located, or on the entire planet?** " the computer asked. "Whichever is the most comprehensive," Quinn replied.

" **Yes Sir,** " the computer replied. "Now, I need to see how that implant is working with Tommy Sherman," Quinn said as she took an elevator down into the depths of the base. She removed her wig and contact lenses after arriving in the room. GIR was sitting at a small table in the center of the room, drinking tea with a pig.

GIR looked over at Quinn and waved at her. "Hii! We're having tea! Want some!?" GIR asked excitedly. "Um... maybe later," Quinn said hesitantly. The last time she had tried some of GIR's tea, she had felt very ill afterwards. After reading the ingredient list on the packaging, Quinn had learned that GIR had been adding extra ingredients to the tea, including mushrooms and cornmeal.

"And just how is Mr. Sherman today?" Quinn asked as she walked up to the giant tube holding Tommy Sherman in it. He had a probe of some kind sticking out of his head. "I... feel... weird!" Tommy Sherman said painfully. "Hmm... perhaps it needs more time," Quinn muttered before walking over to a vat containing mutant fish swimming around. "Yes... once I release these creatures into the local ecosystem, the humans' supply of food will begin to suffer," Quinn said to herself with a grin. "I am Quinn!" she shouted at the ceiling.

* * *

"Hey, Stacey," Daria said as she made her way into the living room, "I'm heading over to Jane's place. I'll be back around nine or ten. Let Mom and Dad... well, let whoever gets home first know," Daria said as she walked out the door. "Got it!" Stacey said with a wave as she watched Mysterious Mysteries. " _Did the old man haunt this fork for ten years? Find out after the commercial break,_ " the announcer said.

"Stupid commercials," Stacey muttered. " _Do you want to be beautiful?_ " "Oh god, no," Stacey said in disgust. "Another commercial for that Shar lady." Stacey groaned in frustration as she leapt off the couch and made her way into the kitchen to grab a snack.

* * *

" **Quinn, I have gathered the necessary data for this region on Earth regarding human beauty standards,** " the computer announced. "Good. Now, look up as much information as you can find on a Doctor Shar. I don't know what her whole name is, so look up Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe, and then go from there," Quinn said. " **Yes Quinn,** " the computer said.

Quinn sat down at a terminal and began scrolling through the data on human beauty standards, both in the past and in the present. "Interesting. If I become attractive by their standards, I can definitely gain some kind of hold or sway over the other students; however, if I become too attractive, I may draw unwanted attention from people outside of the school environment," Quinn said to herself.

"I need to become attractive, but not too attractive. Perhaps a holographic disguise would be better suited from now on? No, that might falter in public at some point," Quinn said dismissively before she resumed reading.

* * *

Date: Wednesday, November 5th, 2097

"Computer, program the robot parents to make a phone call to the school," Quinn ordered. " **A phone call?** " the computer asked her. "Yes. I am going to be absent from school today due to... being sick from eating something that, uh, wasn't cooked properly," Quinn responded. " **Understood,** " the computer said.

"Meanwhile, I am going to be visiting this Doctor Shar," Quinn said with a smirk. "I hope that the information gleaned from last night will come in handy," she added as she donned a disguise that included curly brown hair, eye-glasses, and a frumpy dress with combat boots. "GIR!" she called out. GIR exited an elevator a minute later and waltzed into the living room.

"GIR, I shall require your presence today! We are going to visit Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe!" Quinn announced. "Yaaaaaaaayyyy!" GIR cried excitedly as he threw his hands into the air. "We goin' on a field trip! Yahoo!" "Yes, a field trip," Quinn said as she rolled her eyes. "Be sure to gather some monies from the replicator. According to the research I've conducted, some of the transports on this miserable planet require a fee for usage," Quinn said.

"Now, for you, GIR, we shall be using a different disguise than what you normally wear," Quinn said. "Computer, let us begin preparing a new disguise for GIR!" Quinn announced as she dragged GIR down into the base. "But I just came up!" GIR said as they descended.

* * *

Stacey looked around the classroom, noticing that Quinn was absent. She heard Miss Bitters talking on the phone. "Sure, whatever," Miss Bitters said before hanging up. "Well, it seems that we'll be one student short today," Miss Bitters said. Most students in the room were still half-asleep, and most of them didn't really care. "Is it someone popular?" Sandi asked.

"Is Quinn popular?" Miss Bitters asked Sandi. "No," Sandi replied. "Then there's your answer," Miss Bitters said.

* * *

" **Welcome to the Rx Plex. Be sure to check out our pharmacy for discounts on various pills and refurbished syringes!** " Quinn looked around the multi-level building. It was very much laid out like the Millennium Mall, although every tenant of the building was medical in nature and practice. Quinn looked down at GIR, who was dressed up as a black-haired preteen girl with a purple jacket and purple mittens.

"Now, pay attention, GIR," Quinn said. "I need you to memorize the names and layout of these places for future visits," Quinn told the robot. "Okie Dokie!" GIR exclaimed as they walked into Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe.

" **Welcome to Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe! Here, you can find out if facial reconstruction and other surgeries are enough to make you complete! Also, we also sell bags of sucked-out fat to various companies, such as Space Monkey Soap, LLC!** " _Hmm, that gives me an idea... taking human waste out of their bodies and putting into their food. Yes, that would definitely cripple the humans_ , Quinn thought to herself.

She looked over at the TV in the waiting room and saw an advertisement. " _We all know about the terrible atrocities caused by America's lust for veal, but here's something nice you can do for calves: calf implants!_ " "No... just no. I mean, how do calf implants help those baby cows at all if it's going into a human?" Quinn heard a blonde girl mutter in dismay.

Quinn rolled her eyes as she walked up to the receptionist. "Hello, I am here with my younger sister to see Doctor Shar. As you can see, she is in dire need of help for her self-image," Quinn said. "Hmm, she looks okay to me," the receptionist said. "You, on the other hand... you really need some help."

"What!? You dare say that the mighty Quinn requires help for her own appearance!? Pitiful reception worm!" Quinn retorted. "Clearly, you've become aggressively defensive because of this. There may still be time to help you. I'll see if Doctor Shar can see you," the receptionist said. "Hey, what about my girlfriend!?" asked a man in line.

"She's supposed to be getting a bigger rack! What about-oh, emergency. I understand," he said as he backed away from Quinn as she walked through a door that had opened up. "Everyone in this building is an imbecile," Quinn muttered under her breath as she marched through the door and down a corridor with GIR.

Adorning the walls were various before and after shots of people who had received surgery from Dr. Shar. Quinn shuddered at some of them. "Wait... that picture just shows someone sucking in their gut!" Quinn exclaimed as she looked at one particular image before continuing her trek to Dr. Shar's office.

"Here we are," Quinn said as they finally arrived in front of the door to the office. Quinn pressed the green button for the doorbell and waited as the door slid open. "Please, have a seat," said a voice from behind a chair. Quinn raised an eyebrow and hesitantly stepped into the office, carefully sitting down in a chair in front of Dr. Shar's desk. GIR did the same.

The chair soon turned around to reveal Dr. Shar, a blonde woman who had apparently gone through more than a few of her own surgeries if her face was any indication. _So that's why her face is never seen in any of her advertisements_ , Quinn thought as she looked at Shar's face. "Um, hello. I am Quinn Vanderi. I am here with my little sister to see about improving her self-image through your... services," Quinn lied.

"Hmm, yes, well, what about yourself?" Dr. Shar asked her. "You as well? Why do you think I could possibly benefit from your surgeries?" Quinn asked her. "Well, clearly, a skin graft could help you tremendously," Shar replied. "It's a skin condition. It can't be helped," Quinn retorted.

"Oh, nonsense! Here, let me show you what our surgery can do," Shar said as she began typing commands into her computer. "And... there we go!" she said as she rotated the monitor to show Quinn an image of herself with red hair and Caucasian skin.

(Basically, the computer image is human Quinn from the original Daria series)

"Eww," Quinn shuddered. "And you really could use a larger set of breasts. Those tiny things will never attract a man," Shar said, pointing to Quinn's A-cup chest. "Touch me, and I'll kill you," Quinn said with narrowed eyes and a frown. "Definitely a self-image problem," Shar said before she turned her attention to GIR.

"So, tell me, um... what's your name?" "I is GIR!" GIR replied happily. "Yes. Well, Gir, could you perhaps tell me why you want surgical reconstruction, and what kind?" Shar asked the robot. "Well, I guess I want to look better when I hold nachos, and it'll make the pizza delivery guy give me more pizza," Gir said. "Uh... pizza? The grease would be terrible for your complexion," Shar said.

"But I likes pizza," GIR replied. "Yes... many people do," Shar said. "Well, how about we wait for you to grow out a bit more. Operating on someone too early can really mess up their body later, although... if you have five thousand dollars, I can schedule an appointment for three years from now without any interest being added," Shar said.

"Let's cut to the chase," Quinn said. "Dr. Shar, I wish to be the prettiest person in school, but I do not wish to change myself. If possible, would you be willing to perform surgery on my schoolmates to make them less attractive than me?" Quinn asked her. Shar blinked in surprise at the request.

"Excuse me? My surgery doesn't make people look unattractive. It makes them _better_ ," Shar snapped. "No, it doesn't. Your surgeries are abominations. Like when that Brooke girl's nose collapsed! Although, that was kind of funny," Quinn said. "How dare you! Everything I do is to make people fell better by making them look better!" Shar said in outrage.

"Heh-heh, I believe that Brooke would beg to differ," Quinn said with an evil smirk. "You... your condition has obviously made you so defensive that you can't help but want to take everyone else down. It's so obvious," Shar said after composing herself. "Okay, so this plan isn't going to work," Quinn said. "Plan? Oh my... were you trying to get free surgery by making me think that you needed it this desperately?" Shar asked her.

"Say what?" Quinn asked her in surprise. "Young lady, I'll have you know that despite my desire to make people better, I still expect a fee for my services! No matter how much you may need my help, I simply will not offer it without being paid," Shar said. Quinn raised an eyebrow at the woman's words.

"I think I get what's going on. Everything that you've said has been to make me feel as though I'm angry because I somehow _need_ your services for myself. I'm afraid that you are sorely mistaken, Dr. Shar. Indeed, soon, it will be _you_ who needs help," Quinn said. "I don't need any help," said Shar. "You're the one who needs help. Look at you! You have ugly green skin, a face that needs better lips, a small bust, and who knows how many other problems. The only way for you to truly become attractive is to make yourself into a new person," Shar said.

"And I can help you do that," Shar added with a smile. "Is this how you treat every patient? Making them feel so terrible about their own bodies that they need your help? Ruthless and brilliant, but your fatal mistake was attempting to use it on someone such as me. Now, let me show you the price of your stupidity!" Quinn spat in disgust. Shar began to scoot her chair away in shock as four mechanical legs sprouted out of the backpack on Quinn. "Now, how about we try a little surgery of our own?" Quinn asked her with a sadistic grin. Shar's eyes widened and she screamed in terror as Quinn lunged for her.

* * *

** At Lawndale High School... **

Miss Bitters walked into the teacher's lounge quietly. Mr. DeMartino had a scowl on his face as he muttered something under his breath about one of his students. Principal Li was busy talking to Mrs. Bennett about budget problems. Miss Bitters had no doubt in her mind that Angela Li was the cause of the budget problems, as she had noticed ever since the woman had become the school's principal.

The school didn't always have budget problems, but after Angela Li's appointing as the principal, the security measures that she began installing had taken their toll on the budget and the staff, although Bitters was indifferent to most of it. In her own opinion, and that of many of the other teachers, just having the kids take one class per year with Miss Bitters would be enough to keep them in line.

"Oh, hello, Miss Bitters," Timothy O'Neill said. "Hello... Timothy," Bitters said as she grabbed some coffee from the lounge table. "Um, I was wondering, perhaps, if I could talk you into helping out with the Esteem-A-Teen project? You see-" "Grr!" Miss Bitters turned around and growled at him. Timothy shrank under her glare and slowly backed away.

* * *

**Later That Afternoon...**

"Welcome home, son!" Robo-Dad said as Quinn and GIR walked in the door. "Hmm, I still need to fix that," Quinn said to herself as she walked away from Robo-Dad. "Computer, I want you to pay attention to the various news broadcasting networks and frequencies today. I believe my handiwork will make itself known soon enough," Quinn said as she and GIR descended into the base.

After reaching her lab, she made her way over to the tube containing Tommy Sherman. "So, how are you feeling right now?" Quinn asked him. "I'm so happy!" Tommy said with a pained smile. "I'm happy... all the time... it's great!" Sherman said. "Okay, maybe I went a bit overboard. Eh, I don't really care right now. I'll fix it later," Quinn said after walking away from Sherman's tube.

* * *

"So, Quinn was sick today," Stacey said as she walked home with Andrea. Daria had elected to walk home with Jane, since she had no desire to listen to Stacey rambling about what kind of evil schemes she thought Quinn could be up to. "Uh-huh," Andrea said. "I'll bet that she's planning something. Something... horrible!" Stacey said.

"Look, Stacey, I know that we're friends and all, but it would be nice to talk about something or someone other than Quinn," Andrea said as they reached the front door. "But Quinn's trying to destroy or enslave mankind!" Stacey replied. "All she's done so far is steal organs and shut down a mall. I mean, those things are pretty bad on their own, but for someone who's trying to take over a planet, shutting down a mall is the only thing that comes close to actually affecting more than a handful of people. It's like the tiniest baby step," Andrea said.

"But what about the fundraiser? How did she manage to get all those people to buy that much candy?" Stacey asked as they walked into the kitchen. "She had to have brainwashed them somehow!" Stacey exclaimed. "Or they had really shitty taste in food," Andrea said.

"Seriously, my dad only bought some from me because he knew that it was mandatory for me to take part in it. Otherwise, he didn't eat any," Andrea said. "And anyway if Quinn has the ability to brainwash people, why hasn't she tried it on members of our government?" Andrea asked her. "I mean, if she really wanted to take over the Earth, she would use that brainwashing stuff, or whatever she used, on our government and be done with it," Andrea said.

"So, what? You're saying that she's just taking her time?" Stacey asked her. "Actually, I was suggesting that maybe she's just incompetent," Andrea replied. "No way. There's no way that someone incompetent could shut down the Millennium Mall or steal organs as efficiently as she did," Stacey retorted. "If you say so," Andrea said with a sigh as Stacey handed her a soda before they both walked into the living room and sat down.

Stacey turned on the TV. " _-is how Snuggles the genetically engineered kitten saved a bus full of children from drowning at the zoo!_ " "Um... when did _this_ happen?" Andrea asked curiously. " _Also, in local news, about an hour ago, the Rx Plex faced a crisis today when its lead liposuction expert, Dr. Shar, was found inside her office, suffering from a botched reconstruction surgery._ "

"Wait, isn't that the lady who did Brooke's nose?" Stacey asked. "Who?" Andrea asked her curiously. "Some girl in the Fashion Club at school," Stacey replied. "Oh," Andrea said in response before she returned her attention to the TV. " _Apparently, her botched surgery was so horrific that her staff have closed down the Swan Shoppe for at least a month or more. Initially, the staff of the swan Shoppe wanted the entire Rx Plex shut down, but the other tenants, such as Tom's Rhinoplasty, have refused the request._ "

* * *

"So, my mission didn't go exactly as planned, but I did manage to hack into the database of the Rx Plex and steal information regarding its affiliates and finances," Quinn said. " _Uh-huh,_ " Tallest Red said. "So, it wasn't a total loss. Can you believe that these humans value such insignificant things as hair color and eyes over something truly important like height or physical strength?" Quinn asked in disbelief.

" _Well, that_ _ **is**_ _strange. But, seriously, how could a race that can get that tall be so dumb?_ " Purple asked. "The humans have many different heights, my Tallest. And although they are sent to educational facilities for at least the first two decades of their lives, it seems that the majority of them do not pay attention to what their instructors try to teach them. Not that many of their instructors are worth such respect in the first place, but the point still stands," Quinn said.

" _Well... I guess... use the information you find for... I dunno, something useful,_ " Red said to her. "Of course. Invader Quinn, signing off!"

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora


	11. Don't Hog The Pizza!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Family Night for the Morgendorffer's and Daria has chosen the newly opened Pizza Empire as their destination. Unfortunately, Stacey has chosen to break into Quinn's base the very same night.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-011: Don't Hog The Pizza! 

* * *

Date: Friday, November 6th, 2097 

Jake Morgendorffer hummed to himself as he looked over his checklist. "Everything okay?" Dib Membrane asked him as he passed by. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Tonight's family night out, so I'm making sure that everything is finished on time so that I can get home early," Jake replied.

"Huh. Sounds fun," Dib said. "It will be," Jake said. "Well, just make sure you don't rush anything important. One step forward and twenty steps back if something goes wrong," Dib said before he walked away. "Yeah... don't need to deal with another explosion in the lab," Jake muttered to himself.

* * *

Stacey Morgendorffer adjusted the goggles on her head and her utility belt. "There we go," she said to herself as she stood in the middle of the living room. Daria was busy doing some homework. "Okay, I think I know enough of Quinn's defenses to get into the house. I mean, I was able to get inside a few weeks ago, so I should be able to do it again, and this time, I'm gonna... well, I'm gonna do something!"

"Uh-huh," Daria said. "Oh, Daria, could you set up the DVR to record Mysterious Mysteries for me in case I'm not back in time for it?" Stacey asked her. "Sure," Daria mumbled, not really paying much attention. "Oh, and here's a phone number for the Swollen Eyeball Association, in case something happens," Stacey said as she handed a piece of paper with a phone number on it to Daria.

Daria looked at the paper and then back to Stacey. "If you have to call them, tell them that the wolf has been trapped in the spider web. They'll know what it means," Stacey explained to her sister. "Right," Daria said. "I'm gonna go get a few more things ready, and then I'll be leaving. I should be back in time for Mysterious Mysteries," Stacey said as she headed upstairs.

Daria looked down at her homework. "Dammit," she muttered, having lost her place thanks to Stacey. As she began working again, her cell phone rang. "Hello," Daria said after picking it up. " _Hey, Kiddo! Listen, I'm going to be leaving work early today, since I've gotten most of my work finished. So, turns out we'll be having family night after all!_ "

"Oh, um, okay," Daria said, somewhat shocked that her dad was actually able to finish his work on time, let alone early. " _So, where would you guys like to go to eat tonight?_ " Jake asked her. "Um... let me think," Daria said, before she heard a jingle on the TV.

She looked up to see an advertisement for Bloaty's Pizza Hog. _Pizza_ , she thought to herself hungrily. " _ **Hey! Come to Bloaty's Pizza! We got games! We got pizza! We got Bloaty!**_ " exclaimed a horribly obese pig costume on the TV. Daria could see a bunch of children rubbing pizza on their heads and one child even seemed to be slowly phasing through the Bloaty costume as the pig beast talked.

" _ **What more you askin' for!?**_ " Bloaty asked. " _We love you, Bloaty!_ " the children said in unison. " _ **I love you, uuuuhhhh,**_ " Bloaty said before drooling in response to the grease-covered children. "Pizza," Daria said. " _Come again?_ " Jake asked her. _That new Pizza Empire place just opened up down town last week. This is a perfect opportunity_ , Daria thought to herself.

"Pizza Empire. We're going to Pizza Empire," Daria said into the phone. " _Sounds great! I'll call Helen to let her know, and then we'll head there at eight. Since tomorrow is Saturday, you don't need to worry about getting home early for school,_ " Jake said enthusiastically.

"That's right," Daria said with a small smile on her face. " _Okay, I'll be home to pick you girls up at seven thirty, and then we can head over there and be ready by or before eight. See you then!_ " Jake said before hanging up. "Bye," Daria said. She soon heard footsteps as Stacey walked down the stairs.

"Okay, I got my spare battery for my communication watch, so I can contact you if anything happens while I'm still in Quinn's base," Stacey said. "Hey, Stacey, why don't you wait until tomorrow?" Daria suggested. "What? Why?" Stacey asked her. "Family Night's been confirmed. Dad is actually going to be leaving work early tonight. Mom gets off early too. We're gonna eat at Pizza Empire," Daria said to her.

"But... Quinn's base! I'm already suited up for it, and I spent two hours mentally preparing myself for this! If I don't do this now, then I may never be able to work up the nerve to do it again!" Stacey exclaimed. "Is _that_ what all that hyperventilating earlier was?" Daria asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes! It took my two hours to calm myself down after working myself into a worrying frenzy about what could go wrong! I _can't_ back down now!" Stacey exclaimed. "Fine, but be back before seven thirty, or else I'm coming to get you myself," Daria said. "Daria, the fate of the world is at stake! Don't you care that Quinn is trying to wipe out all mankind?"

"But she's not very good at it," Daria pointed out. "What do you mean!? She crippled the Millennium Mall, closed down Dr. Shar's Swan Shoppe, and managed to steal dozens of people's organs, including _our own!_ " Stacey retorted. "Yes, and I made her suffer for that incident, in case you've somehow forgotten," Daria replied.

"I haven't forgotten, Daria, but she's still dangerous!" Stacey exclaimed. "Yes, yes, I know. Now, remember, be back here by seven thirty, or you'll face _my_ wrath for making me miss family night with Mom and Dad," Daria said with a glare as she watched Stacey leave the house and close the door.

"Wait... I wonder if Jane would like to go?" she asked herself. Daria quickly dialed Jane's cell number. " _Hello?_ " Jane asked over the phone. "Hey, Jane, tonight's Family Night. My parents are taking me and Stacey to Pizza Empire. Wanna join us?" Daria asked her.

" _Pizza... Empire? Seriously!? Aw, I wish I could,_ " Jane replied. "What's wrong?" Daria asked her. " _Mystic Spiral has a gig at The Zon tonight, and I've been chosen to help them set up the equipment,_ " Jane replied. "Would you be able to join us after setting up?" Daria asked her. " _I wish, but I have to make sure that the right cleaning solution is used in case someone throws stuff at the band tonight. Trent's planning on performing Ice Box Woman again, and you remember what happened last time,_ " Jane said.

"Ouch. Yeah, I'd rather not go through that again. Why don't you just position some umbrellas around the stage?" Daria asked her. " _Daria, you are severely underestimating the intelligence and competence of my brother and most of the band,_ " Jane said over the phone. "Sorry about that," Daria replied. "Well, do you want me to get a pizza to bring back with me so we can share it tomorrow?" she then asked.

" _Sure! Just keep it at your place until I come over. Do not bring it over to my place, or else we might have to share with Trent and the others,_ " Jane replied. "Affirmative. See you tomorrow, bye," Daria said before hanging up. " _Bye!_ " Jane said.

* * *

Stacey peeked over the fence of the house next to Quinn's. "There we go," she said quietly to herself as she silently began making her way to the freakish green house that housed Quinn's base. She heard a car approaching and dove behind a tree as she hid herself from view.

Peeking around the tree, Stacey watched as the car parked in front of Quinn's lawn. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity before she saw GIR, in his dog costume, stepping out of the car. "I'll see you later," GIR said before bounding away from the car. "Sure thing, little talking dog," the driver said before reaching over to close the door and drive away.

Stacey watched as GIR entered the house, leaving the door wide open. _GIR, you really make things too easy_ , Stacey thought to herself before she quietly began approaching Quinn's house again.

* * *

**Some Odd Hours Later...**

Daria looked down at her watch. It was seven o'clock. She had finally finished her history homework from Mr. DeMartino, along with her math homework from Mrs. Anderson, and her English homework from Mr. O'Neill. She looked out the window at the darkened sky, before her wrist communicator came to life.

" _Daria, I made it in! I'm inside the lower levels of the base!_ " Stacey exclaimed. "Stacey, it's seven o'clock. Get back home so that we can get ready for Family Night," Daria said. " _But, Daria! I finally have a chance to cripple Quinn's base and expose her! If only you could see this place! There are things down here that I've never even dreamed of! I'm gonna blow it all up!_ " Stacey said with a smile.

"Stacey, get out of there and come back home, _now_ ," Daria said. " _What? you're starting to break-what the!? Quinn!_ " Stacey exclaimed before a series of lasers shot past her. A beam of some kind hit her and she toppled over. " _You won't get away with this!_ " Stacey shouted. Daria's eyes widened just as GIR's face appeared on the communicator screen, his eyes glowing red. Then static took over.

"Dammit," Daria muttered darkly as she got off the couch and went upstairs to grab her jacket and boots. She grabbed her cell phone and called her dad. "Hey, Dad? I need to pick Stacey up from somewhere real quick. If I'm not home when you get back, then just head over to Pizza Empire. I'll meet you guys there, with Stacey," Daria said. " _You got it!_ " Jake said before Daria ended the call.

* * *

Daria looked at Quinn's freakish green house with a hint of disdain on her face as she trudged forward. She pushed the door open with surprising ease, although given that GIR had once again forgotten to both lock it or close it properly, that was pretty much expected. Daria saw that the TV was on, and GIR was sitting on the couch, watching a commercial for Bloaty's Pizza. This commercial featured the bloated pig beast snorting while consuming a pizza in front of several children. " _ **Hey! Look at Bloaty! We gots a brand new pizza with cinnamon crust. So if you like the taste of stuff, then you're gonna love this pizza!**_ " Bloaty then farted and grimaced.

" _ **Uh-hoooaaaaaaahh!**_ " Bloaty grunted in pain. " _ **Bloaty hate his life!**_ " Bloaty said with a look of horror on his face, as though the actor inside had just now realized what had become of his life. Following this was a commercial for Pizza Empire. " _Welcome to the Imperial Palace of Pizza and cheesy goodness! We got pizza, mozzarella sticks, sausage, bread-sticks, strombolis, and more! Welcome... to_ _ **Pizza Empire!**_ "

Daria felt her mouth begin to water as she watched the images and footage of people enjoying pizza, mozzarella sticks, meatballs, spaghetti, strombolis, calzones, sausages, and even lasagna. _Pizza_ , she thought to herself. She felt her stomach growl. " _Feast on our delicious stuffed-crust pizzas, sip our delicious milkshakes and soda, and take home some hot, cheesy bread-sticks and cinnamon sticks, and lick your fingers clean of the barbecue sauce from our chicken wings! What more could you possibly ask for!?_ " cried the announcer of the commercial, before the Pizza Empire logo took over the screen.

Daria shook herself out of her stupor and looked at GIR. "Hey, where's... uh, my sister?" she asked the little robot, who was not wearing his dog costume. GIR looked over at her, questioningly, before his eyes glowed red and he jumped off the couch, landing on both feet on the floor and producing a number of cannons and guns from his head and back. "HALT! You are an _INTRUDER!_ " GIR shouted.

"Where... is Stacey?" Daria asked again, this time firmer. GIR retracted his weaponry and resumed his normal blueish glow. "She went down there," GIR said as he pointed at the toilet in the kitchen. "She... went to the bathroom... in the kitchen?" Daria asked with a raised eyebrow. "Noooo!" GIR chirped. "She went downstairs to the lab and stuff!" GIR chirped before walking over to a table and activating the elevator underneath it.

Daria walked over and joined GIR on the platform as it descended into the base. Daria sighed as she waited for the elevator to reach its destination. Meanwhile, GIR turned to look at her, smiling as he examined her. Daria glared at the little robot, who quickly looked away from her and back at the wall.

Daria returned her attention to the wall of the elevator, memorizing the level numbers as they passed several floors. GIR attempted to leer at her again, and this time and scowled at him, causing him to cower back this time. By the time they reached their destination, Daria was about ready to remove the robot's eyes from their sockets.

GIR leapt off the platform as it was locked in place. Daria stepped off and followed GIR over to a room with several large tubes of some kind. "This is the lab?" Daria asked GIR. "No, this is the teleporter room! Quinn took Stacey to the station after I caught her snoopin'!" GIR said excitedly with a smile. "The station?" Daria asked the robot.

"Uh-huh! Master Quinn finished building it a few days ago!" GIR chirped happily. Daria had begun to suspect that GIR was either not entirely sane, or improperly programmed. "So, which one did they use?" Daria asked GIR. "Uh... that one!" GIR exclaimed, pointing at the teleporter with a strange crescent symbol on it. "You're sure that they took this one?" Daria asked GIR. "Yes!" GIR chirped, before adopting a confused expression. He then shrugged his shoulders in defeat after attempting to think.

"Well, are you coming with me?" Daria asked GIR. "Nope! Mastah says I have to stay here when she's away!" GIR said while nodding his head. "Right. Well, I guess you'd better get back upstairs. That TV won't watch itself," Daria said before stepping into the teleporter.

She looked at a panel built into the chamber of the teleporter and slid it open, revealing a keypad and a small screen. She couldn't understand any of the characters of the Irken alphabet, although she did recognize the colors of some of the arrow keys. Hesitantly, she pressed a green button before sliding the panel cover closed. After a few seconds, there was a bright flash, and Daria covered her eyes.

GIR stared at the empty space inside the teleporter for a minute, before he walked back over to the elevator pad and returned to the living room in order to watch TV.

* * *

Daria opened her eyes and looked around the large teleporter room of what must have been the station. Unlike the many maroons and other red and purple shades of Quinn's base, the station had a more familiar blue and purple look to its metallic interior. There was still a slight bio-mechanical feel to it, but it was more subdued than the inside of the base.

"Hmm." Daria stepped forward and looked around the room a bit more, seeing the various doors around it. She looked at one door with a rectangular symbol on it, and entered a new room, carefully in order to avoid detection. She checked her watch, noting that it was seven thirty-two. "Gotta hurry," she whispered to herself before she looked up and finally took notice of the sight in front of her.

The aforementioned sight almost took her breath away. In front of her was a large window, at least two-thirds of a meter thick, and from inside, Daria could see the Earth from an orbital view. "Holy shit," she whispered to herself as she looked at the planet. "I'm in a space station," she said to herself. _Maybe Quinn is more competent than I realized_ , Daria thought to herself. _Maybe Stacey's right. If Quinn can build a space station like this without anyone noticing, then maybe she_ _ **does**_ _have the potential to conquer Earth_.

Turning around, Daria re-entered the teleporter room and made her way into another hallway. She saw a maintenance hatch above her, along with a small ladder connecting it to the floor. The shades of blue and purple became stronger now, and the station's interior began to feature a greater resemblance to Quinn's labs in her base. She soon heard maniacal cackling from beyond the door in front of her.

* * *

**Pizza Empire**

"So," Helen Morgendorffer said as she looked up at the sign for Pizza Empire. "This is where Daria wants to eat this time? Well, she does love pizza," Helen said to herself as she walked inside the entrance of the extravagant building. She walked over to a small cushioned bench and sat down, waiting for the others to arrive.

She sighed as she leaned back against the wall, before she felt her phone vibrate. "Oh, please, Eric, not now," she muttered to herself as she answered her cell-phone. "Hello," she said. " _Helen, it's me, Eric. I can't find my favorite pen! I need you to come back to the office and help me look for it!_ " Helen frowned.

"Eric, as one of the partner's of the firm, you are a full-grown adult, and as such, should be fully capable of finding your pen," Helen said sternly. " _But Helen~!_ " "No buts! Tonight is Family Night! My _husband_ and I have been planning this for at least six weeks! I am not about to disappoint my girls and husband because you, a full grown adult, are unable to find your precious pen in your own office! If it is still missing by the time your hours are over, I will help you look for it tomorrow," Helen said firmly.

" _B-But! But I-_ " "Good bye, Eric," Helen said with a smile before hanging up. She turned off her phone to prevent Eric Schrecter from calling her again. "What a needy, whiny shit-head," she muttered to herself as she leaned her head back against the wall. She noticed a woman with magenta hair walking out of the restaurant with four boxes of pizza in her hands.

"That's a lot of pizza," Helen noted. The woman stopped to look at her. "I love pizza," she said with a smirk. "Must have cost a lot of money," Helen said. "I can afford it," the woman said. "I certainly hope so," Helen said. She noticed that the woman had a very Goth-like vibe and also wore similar attire, with dark blacks, grays, and so forth. She was also wearing a necklace with a skull-shaped pendant hanging in the center, and she had fingerless gloves.

"Well, are you getting that for a party?" Helen asked her. "Heh, no. Just myself... and my niece... and sister-in-law, and my stupid brother," she said before she exited the lobby and waiting area of Pizza Empire. Looking out after the woman, Helen could have sworn that she recognized the face of the girl sitting in the car that she was entering, as well as the woman in the driver's seat.

* * *

**Back Inside Quinn's Orbital Station...**

"You know, Stacey, I must say that I am quiet impressed with you for getting as far into my base as you did," Quinn said, not noticing the door on the upper level of the room sliding open or the figure emerging from it. She was in a large, circular room, with a giant container in the center, holding Stacey inside of it. There were three levels to the room, with Quinn being on the bottom level, and a set of ladders and catwalks making up the third level.

"You know, if you hadn't made the stupid mistake of sending out that communication signal, I might never have caught you... but I _did catch you!_ " Quinn exclaimed. "And by the Irken rules of conquest, you are now my prisoner," she added with a smile was she walked over to a cart and tray holding various equipment. "Now, what experiment shall we perform first?" Quinn asked with a smirk. "I know! How about we see what your organs look like... on the outside! Get it? On the outside!" Quinn laughed.

Up on the second level, Daria watched with morbid fascination as Quinn began retrieving a series of tools from the tray. _Okay, what is it with Quinn and human organs? Never mind that, she could kill Stacey! Pizza or not, I'm not letting Stacey stay here any longer_ , Daria thought to herself as she walked down a ramp and over to the giant containment tube.

Quinn gagged when turned around and saw Daria. "D-Daria!? How did you get here!?" Quinn asked angrily. Daria turned to glare at the alien. Quinn wasn't wearing her disguise, and so Daria was able to see Quinn as she truly was for the first time. "Let her out... now," Daria demanded. "Um... no. Besides, it's not as if you can do anything anyway," Quinn said haughtily as she crossed her arms in front of her.

"Then I'll just get her out myself," Daria said. "How do you plan to do that? Daria-Human, that container is made of the strongest-" Daria kicked the container with one of her boots, causing it to crack and fracture. "-material in the... oh," Quinn said as her antennae fell against her head in dumbfoundedness.

Daria quickly ran over to the ramp as the crack grew in size, and the liquid in the tank came pouring out, destroying the tank and pushing Quinn against the wall of the room. Daria walked over and grabbed Stacey, pulling her up to her feet. "Thanks, Daria. Now, let's finish her off! Come on, what do you say, huh? You and me, what do ya say?" Stacey asked her eagerly. It became quite apparent to Daria that Stacey would not willingly leave the station with her. She checked her watch. It was seven forty-three.

* * *

"What are you doing!?" Stacey screamed as the door to the hallway room opened. She entered the hallway, strapped to a floating gourney as Daria pulled her along. "Daria, what is wrong with you!? We have to go back and stop Quinn; she's _vulnerable!_ " Stacey cried in confusion and anger.

"Look, tonight is Family Night! We only get so many of these during any given year, okay? I do _not_ intend to miss out on this one, and you chose where we ate last time," Daria retorted with a hint of bitterness in her otherwise monotone voice. "But why can't you just go tomorrow?" Stacey asked her. "I just told you why!" Daria snapped at her sister. As much as she loved Stacey, there were times when her sister definitely got on her nerves.

"But Quinn! We have chance to stop her! We can end her reign of terror! Reign of terror, Daria! Reign of terror!" Stacey cried. It was clear that her behavioral options were either this or hyperventilating. Then again, she could have just been going on an adrenaline rush from all of the excitement. Either way, Daria just wanted to get back to Earth, and eat pizza with her family. Daria didn't notice that the maintenance hatch from earlier was open.

Entering the teleporter room, Daria's eyes widened in shock as she saw the glow from the cut wires around the teleporters. Quinn was standing on top of them, sneering at her and Stacey wickedly. "There's no escape, Daria! I've cut the power to my teleporters," Quinn said before she leapt down to the floor and smiled in apparent victory.

"It would seem that your pitiful rescue attempt has now become nothing more than a _pitiful failure!_ " Quinn taunted. "Doesn't this station have... you know, escape pods or something?" Daria asked her. "Of course; they're right over there," Quinn said, pointing at the door for the escape pod room, not that Daria could read the sign above the door.

Daria silently dragged Stacey into the room with her. "Stupid, stinking hu-aack! Sneaking, conniving, rotten dirt-child!" Quinn hissed as she realized her mistake. She ran over into the escape pod bay and saw Daria climbing into a pod, with Stacey already inside. Quinn rushed over to one of the other pods and climbed inside.

Daria glanced at the control scheme for the escape pod and grabbed the control yokes after pressing some buttons. _Please don't self-destruct_ , she silently prayed. The escape pod rose into the air as its boosters and flight systems came online. Small dots of light came to life and various areas on the little ship as well.

Quinn saw this and snarled from inside her own pod. "So! You think you can outsmart me _and_ get away in my own ships? Think again!" she shouted to Daria, although Daria couldn't hear her. Soon, the communication console came to life, and Quinn saw Daria's face on the screen. "Daria!" Quinn snarled. "Hey, how do you activate the pod's defenses?" Daria asked her.

"You press the small triangle on your upper right corner," Quinn said professionally. "Oh, thanks," Daria said with a sly grin. "You're welcome," Quinn replied with a smile, until she realized what had just happened. "Aarg! You wretched little worm!" Quinn growled just before the door to the bay opened and Daria's pod flew out into space. Quinn quickly followed suit, pursuing her target with determination.

Quinn activated the offensive weapons of her pod and fired a series of energy pulses at the other pod. "Don't even think about out-flying _me!_ " Quinn shouted as she hit her target several times, only narrowly missing the nacelles and engines.

Daria grunted as the pod shuddered from the impact of each energy pulse blast. "Aaahh!" Stacey cried out before she began hyperventilating. Ordinarily, Daria would try to snap Stacey out of this state, but she was currently preoccupied. She tapped the right hand triangle and looked at the various symbols and shapes that flew across a holographic screen in front of her. "What does any of this mean!?" Daria cried.

"Aah!" Stacey cried as the pod shuddered again. Daria maneuvered the ship to avoid another round of pulse fire and watched the stream of energy shoot past the cockpit. She gulped as she accessed a menu that showed imagery of the defenses. Daria began scrolling through them, before a jolt from another successful hit caused her to hit a grappling hook-type feature. " _I've been flying ships since before you were born, pitiful Earth-monkey!_ " Quinn sneered on the communication screen.

"Hold onto something!" Daria said as she prepared to maneuver the pod. "I can't!" Stacey cried out. Daria brought the ship into a vertical loop as she fired the hook at Quinn's pod, pulling hers right into it, albeit upside down, sort of. They were in space. Their horizontal and vertical axis had been inverted from each other, basically. Daria smiled at Quinn before waving at her.

Quinn merely snarled, knowing that firing her blasters at close range was suicidal. However, she could activate the inertial dampening thrusters. She smirked as she did so, but Daria's pod stayed hooked to hers, and both vessels began tumbling through the atmosphere at high speed. Daria and Stacey both began screaming in terror at their situation, while Quinn merely began laughing at the sight. She had done plenty of maneuvers much crazier than this back in her training days.

She cackled madly as she heard the warning klaxons of her pod announcing the temperature rising. Soon, however, that stopped, and she frowned after she saw how quickly the ground was approaching. She then felt herself being forced back against the seat of the cockpit as both pods fell down to the Earth below. It was now that Quinn began screaming.

* * *

Jake Morgendorffer walked over to the waiting area of Pizza Empire as he saw Helen sitting on a bench with her eyes closed. He gently shook her shoulder to wake her. "Hey, any sign of the girls?" he asked her. "Um, no. I thought they would be with you," Helen said as she yawned and stretched her limbs. "Well, Daria did say that she would be picking Stacey up from some place. So they'll both be here together," Jake said.

"I hope so," Helen said as she looked at her watch.

* * *

"Aah!" Daria and Stacey cried as their pod rolled over on the ground and crashed into the back entrance of Bloaty's Pizza Hog. Daria grabbed onto the edge of the cockpit and climbed out, grabbing the gourney with Stacey strapped to it as she made her way into the parlor. She was about to open the door when the Bloaty mascot entered the room. He took off his costume, revealing himself to be a huge bloated man with multiple chins and a horrible stink.

"I eat too many pizza he said tiredly as he sat down on a bench. Daria's mouth hung open in shock and disbelief that someone could actually get so obese and still walk under their own power. The man hiccuped and gurgled before groaning. "Oh, no more pizza," he said to himself sadly. Daria grabbed Stacey's floating gourney and pulled her along as they exited the room and entered the employee lounge, quickly entering the rest of the parlor.

Daria grabbed her cell phone and retrieved it from her pocket. "H-Hello, Dad?" she asked over the phone. " _Daria? Where are you? It's already eight o'clock, Kiddo!_ " Jake said with a worried tone. "I-I know. Stacey and I... had to make a detour. Someone is following us, and we're trying to lose them. We'll be a bit late," Daria said. She heard a car alarm coming from outside as she and Stacey neared the exit.

Hearing the jeers and cheers of small children, Daria watched the younger kids playing. At the arcade area, two kids were playing some kind of shooting game, and both kids cheered, until one of them was disintegrated by the machine. The other child screamed and ran away from the arcade machine. Daria shuddered at the sight and resumed dragging Stacey with her to the exit.

She was almost there when she saw a maroon and green blur shoot forward into the door, knocking her back to the ground. Daria stood up and saw Quinn glaring at her, adjusting her hair piece. She had her disguise on now, and there was a murderous look on her face. She reached behind her back and brought out some kind of laser pistol. She had a wicked smile on her face as she stalked forward.

"Good bye, Daria. You've been a thorn in my side for far too long," Quinn said as she prepared to disengage the safeties of her weapon, until four mechanical mascots rushed over and began singing at her. Quinn fell back to the floor as the nightmarish mechanical monstrosities chanted and sang around her.

One was a pig, with nasty looking teeth. Another was some kind of moose, with a metal claw hand, and another was some kind of weasel with buck teeth. The fourth was a cow with red eyes and a horrible mooing sound. "Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo! Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-deeeeeeee!" The pig beast screeched horribly. Quinn found herself trembling with fear at these... mechanical beasts of frivolity.

"What sort of... Earth monsters... are these!? Uuaaahhhhh!" Quinn screamed as she got up and ran out of the restaurant. The mascot machines then turned and began chanting at Daria and Stacey. Daria grabbed one and shoved it out of her way as she dragged Stacey behind her on her floating gourney.

Daria checked her watch. "Dammit! Will we still make it if we walk?" she asked herself out loud. Just then, she heard a car pull up beside her. "Hey, Daria, right?" Daria turned to look at Andrea's mother, Tak. "Yeah. Um... Ta-uh, Andrea's mom," Daria said. "What's with her?" Tak asked Daria as she noticed the floating gurney. "Wait... where did you get that?" she asked Daria.

"It's a long story," Daria said. "We were in Quinn's space station, and she tried to experiment on me!" Stacey cried out. "Yeah... what she said," Daria said flatly. "Do you want a ride home?" Tak offered them. "Actually, tonight's Family Night, so maybe you could take us to Pizza Empire?" Daria asked.

"We just came from there," Tak said. "We?" Daria asked her. The window rolled down and Daria could see Andrea and a woman with magenta hair. The woman opened the door. "Get on in," she said. "Um-" "Do you want to make it to your family night, or not?" she asked her with a frown. "Y-Yes," Daria replied, slightly intimidated by this woman.

Tak chuckled. "Gazelene, don't scare them off," she said. "Hey, only my father gets to call me that. No one else, not Dib, and not you," Gaz said. "Okay, fine, _Gaz_ ," Tak said playfully.

"Well? Get in," Gaz said to Daria. "Um... how will we fit my sister in there?" Daria asked her as she looked back at the floating gurney. "Hold on," Tak said as she put the car in park and exited the vehicle. She walked over to it. "Oovostgor, estgarth," she said. The straps immediately detached themselves and the gurney dropped to the ground. "Yikes," Stacey said as she jumped off. The gurney then began compacting itself.

"How... how did you-" "Ask me some other time," Tak said with a knowing smirk. "Now come on, let's get you to Pizza Empire," she added as Daria and Stacey entered the back seats of the car. "If you sit on the pizza, you're buying new ones," Gaz threatened before Daria closed the door and strapped herself in.

"Hey, wanna see something neat?" Tak asked. Before Daria or Stacey could respond, Tak put the car in reverse and backed up all the way to the intersection before turning around and driving away. "Was that even _legal!?_ " Stacey asked her. "Depends on your point of view," Gaz said with a smirk.

* * *

"Okay, they're fifteen minutes late, and Daria said that someone was following them," Jake said worriedly. Just as he brought out his cell phone, the door opened and Daria and Stacey walked inside the restaurant. "Kiddo! You're okay," Jake said. "What took you guys so long?" Helen asked with concern. "It's a long story," Daria said. "We had to hide out at Bloaty's Pizza Hog for a little bit," she added.

"But that's almost on the other side of town," Jake said. "Yeah, we got a ride from Andrea's mom," Daria said. "Yeah, and we got to meet Andrea's scary aunt," Stacey added as they approached a podium where a waiter was standing. "Did she have... magenta hair?" Helen asked. "Yeah, why?" Stacey replied.

"So that's who that was," Helen said. "Huh?" Daria asked her. "Oh, I just ran into that woman when I got here. She actually had four boxes of pizza with her," Helen said. "Yeah, they were in the car with her," Stacey said warily. "Can we serve you?" the waiter asked as the group approached the podium. "Table... or booth for four, please!" Jake said with a smile. Daria felt herself smiling as they were led to a booth near a buffet area. "You know," Daria said as she looked around, "I could get used to this place in the future."

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favorite chapters to write, and Bloaty's Pizza Hog was one of my favorite episodes of Invader Zim.


	12. LICE!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A horrible pestilence descends upon Lawndale High School, bringing with it a great and terrible itching.

Daria and Beavis and Butthead are property of Glenn Eichler, Mike Judge, and MTV

Invader Zim is property of Jhonen Vasquez, Nickelodeon, and Viacom

* * *

Episode 1-012: LICE!

* * *

Date: Tuesday, May 3rd, 2049

Olga Von Verminstrasser grimaced and winced in pain as she scratched her head. They were everywhere, all over the school. Countless numbers of her classmates had found themselves infested with the little vermin, and the itching and pain would not subside. Their teacher had already gone mad from the itching of his head, and had left the children unsupervised after lunch.

"M-Make it stooooopppp!" one of her classmates, a girl named Rebecca Jordan, screamed in pain. Olga tried to control her breathing and ignore the itching, hoping to at least finish her classwork, but it was no use. Only that bald kid, Todd Numeyer, had managed to avoid having lice infest his head. His shiny, barren dome was the envy of all of the kids in the building at that moment.

As the day wore on, the itching became worse, and worse, and soon it was almost maddening, as Olga found her head sore and her hands aching from the scratching. Tears fell down her face in the girl's bathroom mirror as she looked at her reflection. "N-No more!" she hissed in defiance. She ran over to a janitor's closet and fished out some supplies before entering a stall and cleaning the toilet. She didn't care that she might end up being late or even missing her next class. The itching was just too much.

She flushed the toilet over two dozen times, cleaning it again and again until she had deemed it sanitary. Then, holding her nose, she plunged her head into the water of the toilet, holding her breath for a full three minutes before coming back up for air. She then grabbed the cleaning solutions she had taken from the janitor's closet, not caring that they weren't meant for cleaning hair or human skin. "Okay, you little bastards, try surviving _this!_ "

Despite the momentary relief, the itching had returned in full force. With fiery pain spreading all over her head, Olga doused her head in the cleaning solution and the dunked her head in the toilet, holding still for a minute before flushing. She repeated the process over and over again, until the itching had stopped completely. When she returned to look at herself in the mirror, Olga almost screamed at the sight before her. Reaching up to touch the remains of her once lush and flowing hair, she began to cry, and when she touched her sensitive skin on her head, she felt a sharp pain that made the itching from earlier seem almost tame in comparison. Overwhelmed, she slumped against the bathroom sink counter and sobbed.

* * *

Date: Monday, November 9th, 2097

"No, Jane, it isn't like that," Daria said on the phone. She and Stacey were both sitting at the table for breakfast, and Daria was on the phone with Jane, which wouldn't be unusual, except that it was six thirty in the morning, and Jane was well-known to rise late or never. "Then why did you ask me to help you dye your hair when you knew full well that I had absolutely no experience?" she asked her friend.

Stacey ate her pancakes in silence as she listened to Daria's end of the conversation. "Jane, being your friend does not mean that I'm incapable of doing something wrong, especially if its something that I've never done before," Daria said. Stacey continued listening for her own personal amusement, leaving the table only after she had finished her breakfast.

The rest of the morning was rather uneventful, and Stacey found herself finishing up some homework at the last minute before she and Daria left the house for school. The pair walked in relative silence, until Stacey decided that the avoidance of Casa de Lane, as Jane had referred to her own residence, was worrisome. "So..." Stacey began. "Hm," Daria mumbled in response.

"What's new with you and Jane?" Stacey asked her sister. "Um... I really don't know if it's any of your concern," Daria said. "Yeah, but you always go over to Jane's place and walk to school with her. You didn't want to do that this morning, so... you know, what's up?" Stacey replied. Daria sighed. "Fine, last night, Jane had me dye her hair for her," Daria said.

"Um... okay. That's... not something I'd expect either of you to do," Stacey said. "She wanted me to dye her hair so that it resembled tiger stripes, like in a painting that she was working on last week. "Oh. Did you tell her that you've never-" "Yes, Stace. I told her. I made it explicitly clear that there was a high chance of messing up, and yet she still thinks that I screwed up on purpose," Daria interrupted.

"Maybe the fumes from the dye got to her, or maybe the fumes from all of that paint she keeps in her bedroom are finally having an affect. Does she still keep a dozen paint canisters in her bedroom?" Stacey asked, having been to Casa de Lane a handful of times over the summer before school had started. "Um, no. She only keeps _half_ a dozen canisters in her room now," Daria replied.

"Well, she _is_ an artist. Maybe she's just finally gone mad," Stacey suggested. Daria was silent for a minute before she almost began chuckling, trying to keep it to herself. Stacey smirked at the reaction her sister was having.

* * *

"Blast it all!" Quinn growled in frustration. "It'll take me weeks to properly replace those power couplings and cables for the teleporters in the orbital station," she muttered before looking over at the clock. "Hmm? Hmm... aah! I'll be late, and then the humans will get suspicious!" she cried out after seeing what time it was. "Computer! Why didn't you tell me what time it was!?" Quinn asked angrily.

" **I tried, but you kept insisting that I not speak while you performed your calculations. I eventually just gave up,** " The Computer replied. "Hm, oh yeah. I _do_ remember that, now that you mention it," Quinn said thoughtfully.

She quickly made her way up to the living room floor, adjusting her disguise as she stepped out of the elevator. She noticed GIR in his dog costume, curled up on the couch. "GIR!" Quinn snapped. GIR instantly woke up and stood on the couch, saluting Quinn. "Yes, Sir!" GIR said in a serious tone.

"GIR, keep the base safe while I am away at school today!" Quinn ordered. "Cheddar Cheese!" GIR cried. "What?" Quinn asked in confusion. "I like cheese," GIR stated. "Yes. Yes, you do, but keep the base safe!" Quinn snapped before leaving. GIR stared at the door for a full ten minutes before sitting back down on the couch and curling up again.

* * *

At school, Stacey noticed Quinn arriving just a few moments after she had gotten to her locker. Stacey glared at Quinn as she came near. Quinn noticed this and snickered at the human girl. "Hmm, you're looking alive and well... too bad we didn't have time for that experiment," Quinn said to her. "Keep your hands off my organs... _Quinn!_ " Stacey hissed at her. "Well, stay out of my base, and I won't have to take you prisoner again," Quinn replied with a devilish smirk before walking away.

Stacey huffed before turning around and seeing Jane. Jane was wearing a cap on her head, covering her hair. "Nice cap," Stacey complimented her. "Uh-huh. Where's Daria?" Jane asked her. "Um... I'm not sure. I think she went to her homeroom," Stacey replied.

"Thanks," Jane said curtly before walking away. "You're welcome... I guess," Stacey replied quietly.

* * *

"Stacey Morgendorffer?" Miss Bitters asked. "Here," Stacey replied for roll call. "Sandi Griffin?" "Here," Sandi replied. "Anna Vernon?" "Here." "Lucie Howarth?" There was no reply. "Absent," Miss Bitters said. "Sandra Bull-" The door opened and a frail-looking girl with bugging eyes walked in. "Sorry I'm late, everyone. My head's all itchy!" Lucie said apologetically. She began scratching the top of her head.

Everyone raised an eyebrow as something strange happened. A cloud began to form from her head, rising into the air. It was a dark shadow, a blight, and it rose above Lucie's head and caused all of the students to cower in fear and apprehension. Miss Bitters immediately recognized the threat.

" _ **LLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCEEEEEEE!**_ " she roared. And lo, at that moment, the pestilence did descend upon the youth, and it brought with it a great itching.

Quinn looked around as everyone scratched their heads and cried out in agony. Sandi Griffin brought her hands down to look at the lice that covered them in horror. Sharon Mitchell and Tom Byron slammed their heads against each other to ease the pain. Stacey Morgendorffer scratched her head in agony as she cried out. "It hurts! It hurts! Someone, make it stop!" she screamed.

Quinn immediately raised her hands to her head, but could feel nothing. She brought her gloved hands down to eye level and looked at them. They had nothing on them. No lice, nothing. She raised an eyebrow as she looked at the rest of the students in curiosity.

Billy Horvits rolled on the ground as he scratched his head in agony. "The itching! It's in my _brain!_ " he cried out. Vance Conway slammed his head against the wall of the room in an attempt to rid himself of the arthropod menace. "God, why!?" he cried out.

" **Attention, Students! This is your principal, Angela Li! We are currently experiencing a building-wide outbreak of lice! All students are faculty are to remain inside the building to keep the plague contained. That is all.** "

Miss Bitters looked down at the phone on her desk. She quickly picked it up and dialed a number that she'd hoped she would never have to use. "Yes, get me the Countess," Miss Bitters requested. Just then, Jamie White collapsed on the floor and writhed in pain. Miss Bitters merely raised an eyebrow at him.

* * *

"Countess!" Jurgen Vlassic cried out as he approached his employer. "Yes?" Countess Von Verminstrasser asked him calmly. "We have an outbreak," Jurgen said. "And where is the outbreak located?" she asked him. "In Lawndale, at Lawndale High School," Jurgen replied.

"Who made the call?" Olga asked him. "It was... a teacher named Miss Bitters," Jurgen replied. "Tell her to press the button. She'll know what you mean," Olga replied before standing up. "Yes, right away," Jurgen said as he exited the darkened monitor room.

Countess Olga Von Verminstrasser watched as the screens flashed a red alert sign on an aerial photograph of Lawndale High School. "Vance!" Olga called out, summoning a slender man with a black cloak and red goggles similar to her own. "Yes, my boss?" Vance Smith asked in a southern accent. "Is there something stuck in your throat?" she asked him. "Yes, I have a cold," he said.

"Sorry. Anyway, I need you to prepare the teleporter system! I shall be taking Task Force Delta with me to Lawndale High School! There is a lice outbreak that must be contained!" Olga said with determination. "Right away!" Vance responded before leaving the room.

* * *

Miss Bitters watched as the ceiling tiles on the front corner of the room slid back and several cones and dishes protruded from the space, glowing red. There was a flash as Countess Olga Von Verminstrasser and her small task force appeared. Olga was wearing a white outfit and jacket, along with a some kind of clear bowl on her head, with very short-cropped white hair, and red goggles over her eyes.

One of her task force, a pudgy man with red hair, produced a scanner and waved it in front of the students in the room. "Level one infestation, Ma'am," he stated. "Ahem, I am Countess Von Verminstrasser, the de-louser, and you all have lice! Until your condition has changed, you shall all be held here indefinitely," Olga stated.

"Um... you can't really make us stay here," Stacey pointed out. "You dare to question my methods!?" Olga snapped. " _You_ , who stands to _benefit_ the most from my work; you disgust me!" she said angrily. Stacey backed up from the older woman.

"What a nice lady," Miss Bitters complemented. "All I said was-" "Silence!" Olga interrupted her. "Let the delousing begin!" At this, her team exited the room and began making preparations, including sealing the doors shut and locking windows.

The students and faculty were led into the auditorium by their teachers. Slowly, the room was filled with students and faculty. On the stage were Principal Li, Miss Bitters, Quinn, and Countess Von Verminstrasser's team. "Now," Angela Li said, pausing to scratch her head, "As all of you are aware, we have a serious lice infestation today."

Countess Von Verminstrasser took over. "The threat level presented by the ice infestation is that which requires quarantine. Now, not all of you have the same severity as each other, and some of you, with your beautiful shining domes of baldness, are, shall we say, uncontaminated," she said. "However, these two people here," she said, pointing to Miss Bitters and Quinn, "Do not have any lice, despite having hair. They will be taken to a secure location for proper studying."

"The rest of you, meanwhile, will be separated into various groups depending on the severity of your individual lice infestations. The entire building will be quarantined until the infestation has been eliminated. Any attempts to escape will be frowned upon, so don't even try!" At this, several students frowned.

"Yes," Miss Li interjected, "And we faculty will be elsewhere, awaiting for permission to return to the premises after-" "No, you shall stay as well," Olga cut her off. "W-What!?" Miss Li asked in protest. "You have lice as well, Deary, and so you must not be allowed to leave and spread the infestation further," Olga stated.

"Ha!" Anthony DeMartino laughed. "Not so high and mighty now, are you, Angela?" DeMartino asked with a sneer. Angela Li narrowed her eyes at him. "Quiet, both of you!" Olga snapped at them. "Um, may I say something?" Quinn asked. "Yes, dear, of course," Olga said obligingly.

Quinn smiled and walked over to the microphone. "I would just like to take a minute to say that if I were a member of an alien race, which I'm not, I'd have to take this opportunity to say: **Filthy inferior humans! It is quite clear who the superior species is, isn't it!? Isn't it!? You _stink!_** " Quinn shouted through the microphone. She had a grin of victory on her face, which went away after a wadded up ball of paper hit her in the head.

She looked out into the audience to see Stacey frowning at her. Quinn glared at her rival, but otherwise made no motion against her as she stepped away from the podium. "Thank you, Quinn, that speech was horrible. Don't do it again," Miss Bitters said. "As I said before, the two _clean ones_ will be taken to a special area for immunity research," Olga said.

In the audience, Stacey looked at the Countess in bewilderment. "This is insane! Isn't this a bit much for a lice outbreak?" Sitting next to her, Lucie Howarth shrugged her shoulders and inhaled in defeat. "Well, at least by studying Quinn, they'll probably find out that she's an alien," Stacey muttered to herself. "The rest of you will see my assistants for your treatments," Olga said. Her task force, all of whom were wearing black outfits with red goggles, began making their way through the crowd of students.

Over near the corner, Andrea sighed as she listened to Daria and Jane quietly bicker with each other. "I can't believe it," Jane said unhappily as a de-louser approached her. "My hair was gonna get messed up either way, wasn't it?" "Mm, yep," Daria said flatly. Jane glared at her. "Let's get this over with," Andrea said as she stood up and allowed the de-louser to lead her and a small group of others out of the auditorium.

* * *

Stacey and Lucie walked side by side, with handcuffs linking them together, as the de-louser brought them through the hallways. Looking inside the rooms they passed, Stacey saw numerous treatments being used. One room had Jeffy sitting in a chair while a monkey picked the lice out of his hair. another room had three students being dunked into a large tub of purple or pink liquid with a Louse Buster symbol on it.

Another room had several students sitting in chairs and waiting as they got their heads shaved, including Daria and Jane. Stacey raised an eyebrow but otherwise stayed silent as the de-louser led her and Lucie into a room that had two empty chairs in it, along with a table that had some kind of multi-armed mechanical device on it. Stacey gulped.

"You will stay here and wait for your appointed de-louser to arrive," the de-louser said before leaving the room and closing the door. Stacey looked at the window, which was covered outside by a large curtain. "We've gotta get out of here!" Stacey exclaimed as she ran toward the window.

"Take your seats!" Stacey turned around to see Countess Olga Von Verminstrasser standing in the corner of the room, where the door had blocked the view earlier. "Do you really think that you can get away with this!?" Stacey asked her. "Get away with it? Young lady, I am trying to _cure you!_ Do you have any idea just what horrible fate awaits you if those lice are not removed!?"

"You're insane! They're just lice!" Stacey retorted. "Just lice!? _Just lice!?_ You clearly do not comprehend the severity of your situation, young one!" Olga snapped at her. "What I'm doing here is far more important than a simple cleansing! I am helping to ensure that you remain sane and un-scarred for the rest of your life by these vermin!"

"I'm in high school. I'm already scarred by my peers and the school faculty," Stacey said, before Lucie ran over to the chairs, pulling her along until they were both sitting side by side in front of the Countess. "When I am done here, you will _thank me!_ " Olga said to Stacey. "Why would I thank you for detaining me like some kind of criminal!?" Stacey asked.

"I really do not have time to explain things to you, especially if you are unwilling to listen to what I have to say. You may call me crazy, but I'm doing what's right. I know the truth, and no matter how many people ignore it or say I'm insane for it... I'm right," Olga said simply.

There was a faint feeling of familiarity brought about by Olga's speech, but Stacey dismissed the feeling. Olga grabbed a special brush with little claws attached to it and a small tube sticking out of the handle. Stacey watched as Olga applied the brush to Lucie's head. Lucie screamed in pain and agony as Olga cleaned her head.

"Don't worry, you'll be next," Olga said. Just then, the door opened and one of her assistants entered the room. "Countess, you're needed in B-One," he said. "So much to do. I'll be back... or I'll send someone else to finish cleaning you," Olga said to Stacey and Lucie. Lucie gurgled and twitched in response. Olga accidentally dropped another brush on the floor when passing the table, and Stacey kicked it over to the doorway just before the door closed.

"Come on," Stacey said as she leapt up from her chair. "Lucie, it's obvious that this woman has gone mad with power!" Lucie stared at Stacey for a second. "You mean..." Lucie asked normally, before her voice took on a strange pitch, "She's ccrrrraaaaaiiieeeeeszsczzyyyyy?"

"Um... yeah," Stacey said, slightly perturbed by Lucie's sudden voice change.

* * *

"Wow, Daria, bald is a good look for you," Jane said with a grin. "Says the girl with bad hair," Daria replied. "Hey, if you had read the instructions, I would actually have proper tiger stripes in my hair," Jane retorted. "Okay, ma'am, you are next," the de-louser, whose name was Karl, said as Daria stood up and Jane sat down.

Karl waved a scanner over Jane's hair. "Hmm, the lice are not attacking the sections with hair dye. We may only have to remove some of your hair and not all of it," Karl said. "Hey, Daria, looks like you accidentally saved my hair," Jane joked. " _But_ , given how that would give you a stupid patched look, I'm just going to shave all of it off instead," Karl said.

"Wait, what? No!" Jane cried as Karl tightened the straps on her legs and arms. "Now, hold still!" he sang as he changed heads on his razor and began shaving Jane's head. "Well, you were right Jane, you're hair was gonna get messed up regardless," Daria said with a smirk.

"There, now your head is louse-free!" a de-louser said as he washed Andrea's hair out. "Um, thanks," Andrea said. Truly, she hadn't been bothered much by the lice, and in fact, she'd had the least amount of lice of anyone in the building, other than Quinn and Miss Bitters. "Okay, now it is time for... Estella Ryder," the de-louser said as a girl with red hair stepped over and took Andrea's place in the chair. "Please, wear this anti-louse cap until everyone else in the room has been washed," the de-louser said as he handed a cap to Andrea.

* * *

Anthony DeMartino examined his now bald head in a mirror. "Eh, it ain't that different from the Corps," he said to himself. Beside him, Claire Defoe was crying while holding her bald head in her hands. "Oh come on, it'll grow back," he said calmly in an attempt to reassure her. "Aargh! My head!" Angela Li screamed.

DeMartino looked over to see bubbles and suds covering the woman's head. "And now, we blow dry it before we begin the shaving procedure!" the de-louser said. "The students will never respect my authority now! I'll have to institute more extreme punishments to keep them in line!" Angela said in a deranged manner.

"Um... is she always like this?" the de-louser asked the other teachers. "Yes," Calvin Deckard replied with a sad tone in his voice. "You poor people," the de-louser said before resuming his work.

* * *

Stacey and Lucie quietly made their way through the hallways, which were littered with what looked like land mines. _Even Principal Li couldn't get away with this kind of madness_ , Stacey thought to herself. She looked up at a room with the words IMMUNITY RESEARCH stenciled on a piece of paper taped above the door. "Quinn," Stacey whispered to herself as she carefully peeked in through the window of the door.

Inside, Quinn and Miss Bitters were sitting next to each other while a de-louser stood before them with some kind of hand-held vacuum/cheese grater that produced a red glow. "We need to take skin samples to understand how you managed to avoid contracting the lice," the de-louser said. "What? I-I'm loaded with lice!" Quinn said nervously.

"They're just... uh, in my _belly!_ " she lied. The man moved to take a sample from Miss Bitters instead, who rose up out of her chair with a hiss. "Take it from the child!" she growled at him. The de-louser backed away in fear and approached Quinn.

There was a bright flash and much screaming as Quinn had her skin sampled. "My skin! My superior skin!" Quinn cried out. Stacey sank down from the door and smiled. "That was... actually kind of cool," she whispered to herself. She heard a door opening and hid herself and Lucie behind a cart parked in the hallway. Creeping over to another room, Stacey listened as Countess Von Verminstrasser spoke with one of her assistants.

"Fifteen of the test subjects are missing," he said to her. "Did they escape?" Olga asked in response. "No, they never would have made it past the mine field," he said. "They just... disappeared," he said fearfully. "Harold, do you remember Yorkshire?" Olga asked him.

"I try not to," Harold replied. "Um, hey, what's going on?" asked Tori Jericho, who was sitting in a chair in the middle of the room. "The same thing happened there as well," Olga said grimly. "Do you think-" "Yes," Olga replied. "What are you guys talking about? Can I have a soda?" Tori asked them.

"It would seem that the final battle is upon us!" Olga said. "Harold, return to base and retrieve the heavy-duty gear! We shall need it for our battle against the lice queen!" Olga said firmly. "Yes, Ma'am!" Harold said, before he teleported away in a red ring. "An infestation of this size can only be possible with a lice queen nearby. Just like Yorkshire. I only hope we aren't too late," Olga said to herself.

"This place smells funny," Tori said. "That's the cleaning solution," Olga said. "Oh. It smells funny," Tori said. "Yes. Yes, it does, but that's really not important right now," Olga said as she grabbed the cleaning brush from the table and began to clean Tori's head. "Aaiieeee!" Tori cried out.

"Lice Queen? She's crazy," Stacey whispered to herself as she backed away from the door. "Lucie, we have to be quiet. Come on, let's go. Lucie?" Stacey asked the other girl. "N-No! Lice Queen!? Noooooo!" Lucie cried out.

Stacey stared at her, flabbergasted. "Okay, _that_ was _not quiet_ ," Stacey whispered to Lucie. Suddenly, a door opened and one of Olga's assistants stepped out. Stacey quickly grabbed Lucie and hid behind a cart. "I swore I heard something," the man muttered before closing the door. Stacey led Lucie around a corner and into another hall, where they were stopped by another de-louser.

"Hey! What are you doing out here!?" he asked them. "What are... _you_ doing out here?" Stacey asked him. "Huh? Gaahh! Using... mind tricks! Aargh!" he cried while clutching his head in pain. Stacey and Lucie quickly ran past him and entered another classroom.

In front of them were dozens of students, all of whom were strapped into chairs with shaving and cleaning equipment attending them automatically. "This is madness," Stacey muttered, before she heard footsteps outside. She covered her mouth and ducked, peeking out the window to see the de-louser from earlier walking by.

"Good, we lost them," Stacey said. "Eeehhh!" Lucie cried. Stacey turned around and saw Olga standing in front of them, with Tori Jericho's arm in her grip. "How did you get in here?" Stacey asked her. "Personal teleporter," Olga replied simply. "Oh yeah, you guys _do_ have those, don't you?" Stacey asked her. "Yes, now what do you think you are doing!?" Olga asked her as she took a step forward.

"Um, I really don't wanna be here," Tori said before Olga let her go. She then stood still, looking around blankly. "This has to stop!" Stacey cried out. "Stop? Stop!? Are you mad!?" Olga asked Stacey. Olga could still remember her youth, back when her fascination and devotion to stopping lice began.

"You still don't get it, do you? I am trying to show the truth to the world, and help it!" Olga said angrily. "Don't get it? They're just lice! They don't hurt anyone!" Stacey said as she grabbed a handful from her hair and held them out, only to gasp and cry out in pain as the lice began attacking her hand. "Aah!" Stacey cried as she fell to one knee.

"They don't hurt anyone?" Olga asked her with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, so-yeearrg- they can hurt! But why go to such extremes!?" Stacey cried out. "Why? Girl-" "Stacey. My name is Stacey," Stacey interrupted her. "Okay, _Stacey_ , I think you need to understand some history. Do you know about the great Yorkshire hair epidemic of 2091?" Olga asked her.

"Never heard of it," Stacey replied. "Of course not. This is America, but anyway, the head lice infestation of that place in Europe was out of control! People were going insane, committing suicide, and losing their TV remotes! It was madness! My team and I arrived too late to contain it. We had to quarantine the whole town, and it took a month of clean-sweeping to remove every single louse in the town, and not just head-lice, mind you!"

"Um, eww," Stacey said. "Yes, eww," Olga said. "And of course, my first true infestation, when I was about your age, in high school!" Olga said as she stepped forward. "Lice-removal was much more primitive then, and my school was unprepared for the infestation that we experienced. At first, like you, I tolerated it, but as the day went on, it became worse, and the plague of itching became unbearable!" Olga said as she regaled her tale to the students.

"She does this; she just keeps talking," Tori said. "She's kind of like you that way, Stacey," Tori said thoughtfully. "Except that lice are real, so she isn't completely bonkers," she added.

Stacey glared at Tori. "Eventually, though, it became too much for me, and I tried to remove the lice myself with cleaning supplies from a janitor's closet and the water of the sinks and toilets in one of the girl's bathrooms. I will never forget that day," Olga said grimly.

"You-you're insane!" Stacey cried out. "And what's more, there is no lice queen!" she added, before she felt the room begin to shake. The floor gave way beneath the students in the chairs, and everyone fell down into a cavern, including Olga, Stacey, Lucie, and Tori.

Stacey groaned as she stood up, looking at the hole in the floor above them. "This isn't one of the underground classrooms, is it?" she asked rhetorically. "Look!" Lucie cried. Everyone turned to see dozens of students cocooned to the floor and walls, with slime covering their heads. "What is this?" Stacey asked in horror.

"The nest. We've found the nest!" Olga exclaimed. Stacey heard a strange slurping sound and looked around to see what looked like an ovipositor detaching itself from Sandi Griffin's head. "Help me," Sandi asked pleadingly. Everyone followed the ovipositor back to its source, which was a gigantic, pale louse.

"The queen," Olga said in confirmation. "You-you were right!?" Stacey asked. "All this time, people thought I was crazy, but I knew the truth! I knew it all along! Just like Yorkshire, this infestation has a queen behind it!" "But, Lucie came into school late, so how did our infestation start with a queen!?" Stacey asked. "I didn't arrive school late, I only arrived to class late," Lucie said.

"Huh?" Stacey asked her. "I don't remember what happened after I arrived at the school, only that I woke up near a door with my head itching," Lucie said. "It doesn't matter now, the queen is in our grasp!" Olga exclaimed. "If only I had my weaponry with me," she muttered.

The Lice Queen roared at the intruders and detached herself from the ovipositor. "Uh-oh," Olga muttered sheepishly as she dodged the Queen. The Queen raised a leg and swiped at Stacey, pushing her to the ground. Lucie and Tori ran away screaming, causing the Queen to chase after them.

"Countess!" cried a de-louser from the hole above, "This girl is the answer! Her skin destroys the lice!" he shouted while bringing Quinn into view. "Here, use _this_ against them!" he shouted before throwing a large bazooka-like weapon down to the ground, along with Quinn.

Olga opened the weapon's top cylinder and adjusted it for Quinn's size. She then grabbed Quinn and stuck her inside. "Wow, you're strong," Stacey commented. "Yes, now stand back," Olga said as she stood up and hefted the weapon over her shoulder. "Hey, what is this!? Let go of me!" Quinn shouted.

Olga fired a stream of green goo at the lice queen, causing it to roar in pain and turn around, charging at Olga. "Close your eyes, baby," Olga whispered before she fired again, hitting the Queen in the mouth. The Lice Queen staggered back and screamed its final roar before falling to the side, dying. Olga then sprayed all of the students with the green goo produced by Quinn's skin. "Eww, gross!" Brittany Taylor said in disgust as she was hosed down.

"You were right," Stacey said as Olga turned to her. "I'm... sorry, I guess," she apologized to Olga. "You should be," Olga said before spraying Stacey. When she was empty, Olga put the weapon on the ground, and retrieved Quinn from it, whose body had shriveled up. "Aaah! Aaah!" Quinn screamed in pain.

"Thanks to the bravery of this girl, the world will now be free from the terror of lice!" Olga said proudly. "The pain! You will pay for this," Quinn exclaimed. "Future generations will sing songs about her, and her brave sacrifice for the fight against head-lice!" Olga declared with admiration. "Thank you, child," Olga said to Quinn. "She's an alien," Stacey said.

Olga held her head up high and looked at the hole in the floor above her. "My work here... is done," she said with a smile. "Victory... at last."

Meanwhile, in the room housing Miss Bitters, said woman was sitting quietly in her chair. She glanced around, and, confident that no one was around, scratched her head to relieve the itching.

* * *

Ending Theme: You're Standing On My Neck, by Splendora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are; the end of Season 01! I will begin posting the next season by the middle of next week. Let me know what you all thought of this in your comments.


End file.
